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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Allthegoodhorses · 24/07/2026 13:28

HereIsWhatIKnow · 24/07/2026 11:03

Yeah this is ridiculous. 7 of them. She should have just given them all £25 each and saved herself £25
This is how you end up with family feuds when inheritance is cut in half like this - one person feels hurt for being punished for not having enough kids, another for having too many.
Of course the cousins are going to smart, yours have double the amount.
It was a gift horse. Everyone should be happy. But life lessons about less and more, sharing is caring and disparity gaps aren't for when you are on holiday.
You might have been able to be Lady Bountiful by handing your kids fifty quid each, she has been forced to follow suit.
Best thing would gave been for Gran to do an equal split or you both to have kept it yourself for icecreams etc and not talked about it, rather than passing it onto kids to squirrel, hoard and talk about. Way to ruin a holiday and relationships.

This.

Tel12 · 24/07/2026 13:29

The children should have an equal amount in these circumstances. It's really not worth falling out your sister over this.

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:29

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 24/07/2026 13:21

Well no, she’s giving each daughter nothing.

She’s treating all of her grandchildren the same because they’re all the same to her no matter which of her children gave birth to them.

Edited

No, they are still a family unit.

The kids will know very well that their grand-mother always give more to one side than the other. They are not stupid.

It's never good to play favourites.

Nocommentisacomment · 24/07/2026 13:29

VividPinkTraybake · 24/07/2026 13:23

I hate this site sometimes. All this aggression and hare towards a family having more than 2 children, calling the kids jealous, someone suggesting they use this opportunity to "teach them how to make more money." Have a bit of empathy the kids are on holiday and as far as they are concerned their gran loves their cousins £30 more.

Say what you like about the sister (though I think some are harsh as well) but surely most people could understand why the kids would be annoyed (also I've been seen enough threads on wills to know people on here would be greeting if they were the grandchildren)

This.

I’m assuming many of the people commenting have children, which makes it strange how little awareness some of them seem to have about how young children behave and feel.

Of course, you would want the same amount. It’s not about being entitled, jealous, or not understanding the value of money. It’s simply how children are.

I remember how weird I felt about what my cousin had on holidays because her mum is like the OP. Looking back now, I realise that trying to impress her own child was more important to her than considering how my mum, my sisters and I felt. That is not what a good aunt should do.

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 13:29

I don't understand the people who are up in arms about £50 being such a crazy ridiculous massive sum, yet somehow the £20 - 40% of that - that the cousins have each received is far too little to be remotely sufficient for them!

BananaWhip · 24/07/2026 13:29

as a Nana I always give equal amounts to each dgc rather than the way ops mum done it

Pippa12 · 24/07/2026 13:30

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 12:55

Her children were quizzed about it by their jealous cousins.

I don’t beleive this. Which kids randomly quiz each other on how much money they have out of the blue?? Mine certainly wouldn’t, it would be the last thing on there mind.

Theres more to this than meets the eye.

Grammarnut · 24/07/2026 13:30

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Edited

Of course they do! I want an ice cream a day if I can get one on holiday. Still, £50 is a lot to give a 4 year old.

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:30

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Edited

THIS is why I love MN 😂😂

Greenspaceskeepmecalm · 24/07/2026 13:30

Your sister is being unreasonable but I can’t get my head around giving a 4 year old £50 to spend as they wish.

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 13:30

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Edited

In fact why do they need a holiday at all?

Send them up the chimneys!

Pibrea · 24/07/2026 13:31

When she decided to have FIVE kids she made a decision that they would have less. Personally I think it’s selfish to keep popping out humans who you don’t have the time or money to give a decent upbringing.

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 13:31

Pippa12 · 24/07/2026 13:30

I don’t beleive this. Which kids randomly quiz each other on how much money they have out of the blue?? Mine certainly wouldn’t, it would be the last thing on there mind.

Theres more to this than meets the eye.

Indeed, I'm guessing their envious mother put them up to it. The kids wouldn't have noticed or bothered to ask.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 24/07/2026 13:31

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Edited

Pretty sure an ice cream every day is the norm on holiday in summer weather!

(clearly not for you, but for most people)

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:31

ThisWiseRobin · 24/07/2026 13:26

You've said that you didnt need the money. For pity sake this is your sister.
What morals are you teaching your kids. Throw this bloody money in a heap and share it equally with all the kids.
I think you are being really miserable and spoiling a holiday over a couple of quid.
Grow up.

You expect your siblings to give you more than your share in real life, or are you just generous with OP's money?

itsanamething · 24/07/2026 13:31

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:52

The money was never intended for the grandkids specifically. My mum gave me and my sister £100 just as overall spending money. For ice cream, snacks, etc.

As you and your sister knew you would both pass the money to your own children, the disparity should have been obvious before the holiday and you could have foreseen the issues that would arise.

You could have given your children £20 each and saved the £60 for another treat for them after the holiday.

VividPinkTraybake · 24/07/2026 13:31

FoldItIn · 24/07/2026 13:08

Yet again reminded why so many posters on Mumsnet struggle in real life.
How has this provoked such responses?
It is children's holiday spends not the UK Budget good grief.

My children have had their own holiday spends since they were tiny. They could spend it on whatever they wanted, within their budget. Never too young to learn to budget and to learn that we dont have endless money for tat. That's happened the world over, for years and years, totally normal.

What has changed however, is people feeling increasingly entitled, enough to ask you to make your children go without so theirs don't feel bad. So you have to make yours feel bad instead? Absolutely not.

This is not a big deal @dramaticlifestyle , just say no and don't engage with her about it again. She needs to manage her children's feelings, which should be easy done for goodness sake.

I think the people who are saying just ignore her you're in the right so have a terrible but morally superior holiday are the ones who don't live in the real world actually. Most people care more aboutt their friends and family than always being right

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:31

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Edited

Because they are on holiday and its a treat

I didn't need a pint of stella every day with my lunch but I had one!

I didn't need a cocktail at 4pm but I had one

I didn't need an Aperol Spritz on the way to dinner but I had one

I didn't need a Baileys coffee but I had one

Because I was on holiday and life is for bloody living

You seriously think an ice cream a day on holiday is excessive??

Christ Alive

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:31

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 13:30

In fact why do they need a holiday at all?

Send them up the chimneys!

Well there is that. Kids don’t need expensive holidays every year either but that seems to be another entitlement now.

Snufkin88 · 24/07/2026 13:32

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:27

It is £3.50 a day, £3.50.

One ice cream
One slush
A pad and a pencil
A necklace
Some sweets

Are you really so tight that you begrudge a child a treat on holiday

I used to love seeing my kids faces in the tat shops - being able to choose what they wanted, no saying no, this was their money.

Call me stupid all you want, I have done it and would do it again gladly

it is £3.50 a day. Not even the cost of a costa coffee

I don’t make my kids use their holiday money from relatives for ice creams to be honest for me that’s just part of their food and stuff that I would be buying them anyway so I just buy them their ice creams . Money given as a present to them is for toys and books and things . That’s how I do it anyway .

Grammarnut · 24/07/2026 13:32

Nocommentisacomment · 24/07/2026 13:29

This.

I’m assuming many of the people commenting have children, which makes it strange how little awareness some of them seem to have about how young children behave and feel.

Of course, you would want the same amount. It’s not about being entitled, jealous, or not understanding the value of money. It’s simply how children are.

I remember how weird I felt about what my cousin had on holidays because her mum is like the OP. Looking back now, I realise that trying to impress her own child was more important to her than considering how my mum, my sisters and I felt. That is not what a good aunt should do.

Edited

Everyone should have lots of children - otherwise fifty years down the line no-one is getting pensions and I don't mean no state pensions I mean no private ones either because a work force has to exist sufficient to fund those pensions through their work.

VividPinkTraybake · 24/07/2026 13:32

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 13:31

Indeed, I'm guessing their envious mother put them up to it. The kids wouldn't have noticed or bothered to ask.

You don't think kids notice when someone has more spending money? Nah go on creating stories about the sister instead of admitting you have no idea about children.

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:33

Grammarnut · 24/07/2026 13:30

Of course they do! I want an ice cream a day if I can get one on holiday. Still, £50 is a lot to give a 4 year old.

Heavens above that we start to teach children that money doesn't last forever.

PrettyLittleRose · 24/07/2026 13:33

I agree with the posters saying your mother should have split it equally between the 7 children. She had £200, so should have given them about £30 each. Your 2 DC having £50 each, and their 5 cousins only getting £20 each, is really not on IMO. The 'your sister shouldn't have had 5 kids then should she' kind of comments are unkind and rude.

This reminds me of a family I used to know, 2 sisters and a brother. 1 sister and the brother had one child each (both had a son,) and the other sister had 6 children. So granny used to buy (for Christmas) gifts for the 2 individual boys, but didn't buy for the other 6 kids that the other sister had - 4 girls and 2 boys - because she said she couldn't afford to buy for all 6, and the fairest thing to do was to not buy anything or ANY of the 6!

She couldn't work out why it was very unfair and quite nasty. The other sister and the brother were uncomfortable with it and kept asking her to stop buying for their 1 DC but she kept buying. She spent about £140-£150 on each of them. Would have been far better to get the £290-£300 or so and spend £40 each on all 7.

Oh yeah @dramaticlifestyle do NOT take the money from your children!

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:34

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 13:30

In fact why do they need a holiday at all?

Send them up the chimneys!

Shame on you for raising entitled brats. They should be down the mine until they are at least double digit. Roof, and fresh air? What kind of spoilt privilege children have you got

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