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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:20

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:11

And we wonder why families say they have no money!🙄What a waste.£50 for a 4 year old is ridiculous as is just wasting money on tat, just because. Spending wisely and eeking it out is so much better for children.

Who says I have no money?

Maybe I save all year round so my children can have fun on holiday

Maybe they have £50 to teach them that if they want to spend 10 euro on one thing that will cut their spending money drastically??

We all like a bit of tat now and again, its a holiday - my daughter once brought home 14 ice cream tubs! She talks about it now!

It is called fun

Snufkin88 · 24/07/2026 13:20

50 quid is a stupid amount to give a 4 year old to spend on a holiday and I’d have split it personally into smaller amounts but aside from that your sister is the unreasonable one . Your finances are none of her business

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 13:20

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:18

so you would basically give one of your children £40
and the other £100

lovely. I couldn't treat my own kids like that, but each to their own.

But in that scenario the money isn't going to the children, it's going to the grandchildren. If the (adult) children choose to tot it up and compare what their family unit got for some reason, that seems like a them problem.

Fedupofthisgame · 24/07/2026 13:20

We had something similar when on holiday with two other families. Two families including mine had taller kids and were allowed on the bigger rides. The last family asked that we stop our kids going on these rides because her child wasn't tall enough. We knocked that on the head right away.

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:21

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:18

so you would basically give one of your children £40
and the other £100

lovely. I couldn't treat my own kids like that, but each to their own.

Her kids are adults . My mum does this and it’s exactly right. Big sums she splits between the two of us equally, she then gives all the grandchildren the same amount of cash sporadically.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 24/07/2026 13:21

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 13:18

so you would basically give one of your children £40
and the other £100

lovely. I couldn't treat my own kids like that, but each to their own.

Well no, she’s giving each daughter nothing.

She’s treating all of her grandchildren the same because they’re all the same to her no matter which of her children gave birth to them.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/07/2026 13:21

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 13:20

I can't help but wonder if gran gave her daughters equal money shares rather than the kids because the sister normally demands a lot more for her 5 kids and she wanted OP to get a fair share for once.

Doubt it if the mother saved hard to gather the 200. No good deed goes unpunished.
The sister can afford to go on holiday, she can’t afford another 150 to level things up.

onpills4godsake · 24/07/2026 13:22

I think your mum did the right thing- she split the money equally between her children and your sister is being unreasonable

if you have lots of kids then resources are stretched further- its a life lesson.

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:22

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:20

Who says I have no money?

Maybe I save all year round so my children can have fun on holiday

Maybe they have £50 to teach them that if they want to spend 10 euro on one thing that will cut their spending money drastically??

We all like a bit of tat now and again, its a holiday - my daughter once brought home 14 ice cream tubs! She talks about it now!

It is called fun

No it’s called not teaching your children the value of money, filling landfill and wasting money on tat.

AguNwaanyi · 24/07/2026 13:22

Passaggressfedup · 24/07/2026 12:54

It really sadden me when I read threads like that people have become so inconsiderate of other people's feelings because they hold on to hatters on principles...when it suits them...

The mum did wrong by offering the same amount to both families unless she expected it to be spent by the daughters only.

However, the moment OP decided to give it to her kids, she should have told her mum she didn't need it and for her to keep OR to divide it all equally between the grand children.

Kids love a bit of pocket money to spend on holiday, it's one of the biggest excitement. This is not about resilience. Resilience would be to explain that some parents are more well off than others, but not when it comes to pocket money on a joint holiday when the kids tell eachother that two have more than twice than the other.

What I don't get is how OP feel no empathy at all. I couldn't enjoy a family holiday knowing my kids would get to show they got more money from their grandparents to spend as they wish. I'd feel really bad for the other kids. Ultimately, it's fueling resentment and is probably starting conflict with the sister using this in the future to not do something for her niece/nephew when they might need her. All this for 20 kids.

I really don't get it.

Every bit of this 💯

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 13:22

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/07/2026 13:21

Doubt it if the mother saved hard to gather the 200. No good deed goes unpunished.
The sister can afford to go on holiday, she can’t afford another 150 to level things up.

Oh well. Such is life.

AguNwaanyi · 24/07/2026 13:23

Fedupofthisgame · 24/07/2026 13:20

We had something similar when on holiday with two other families. Two families including mine had taller kids and were allowed on the bigger rides. The last family asked that we stop our kids going on these rides because her child wasn't tall enough. We knocked that on the head right away.

This isn’t the same situation at all.

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 13:23

The money from the DGM is almost a red herring here. Even if she hadn't given anything, by the sounds of it, OP's kids would have asked her for an ice cream, or a beach toy or something and been bought it; whilst her DSis's kids would have asked their DM for something equivalent and been told that she couldn't afford it, so they wouldn't get it.

Choosing to have 5 DC is not a neutral act; unless you're in a very comfortable financial position, you should completely expect to be a poorer family where people routinely go without - or at least have far less than children from smaller families - if you make that choice.

VividPinkTraybake · 24/07/2026 13:23

I hate this site sometimes. All this aggression and hare towards a family having more than 2 children, calling the kids jealous, someone suggesting they use this opportunity to "teach them how to make more money." Have a bit of empathy the kids are on holiday and as far as they are concerned their gran loves their cousins £30 more.

Say what you like about the sister (though I think some are harsh as well) but surely most people could understand why the kids would be annoyed (also I've been seen enough threads on wills to know people on here would be greeting if they were the grandchildren)

WiltedLettuce · 24/07/2026 13:24

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 13:12

But they also come to know that life isn't like that for everybody. They may have friends who live in massive houses and have all the latest toys, maybe even a pony; but if their parents can't afford to buy them an ice cream on holiday, their own everyday reality will be starkly different.

I know it's almost a cliche of teaching kids gratitude now, but I don't think it harms kids to be told that, although other kids they know may have more, many children in the world will have far, far less than they do - including not even enough food to stop them from feeling hungry all the time, or clean water to drink.

Kids aren't silly, they know that different families have different circumstances.

But when they're part of the same group, they expect to be treated the same. Hence why kids get so het up about unfairness in school (when one child misses out on doing something in class that the other children get to do) or when they don't get a treat like a party bag because the host is one short. I'd never take a group out for a birthday treat, and buy a slushie for some children but not others, for example.

If you go on a family holiday like this where the kids are expected to hang out together and do the same things, then you are a group and all children should be treated the same. Totally different if actually you're just two families holidaying in the same place.

Daisypod · 24/07/2026 13:24

Even if as you say your mum gave you £100 each for holiday spends that’s going to go a lot further for your family than your sisters so even if you hadn’t given the money to your kids your sisters family were always going to be at a massive disadvantage. This seems to be a way of you feeling superior for only having 2 kids and judging the fact she has five.
if I was your mum I would’ve given the money to the families in a more proportional way due to the number of people in the two families

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:24

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 13:17

But it isn't OP saying that her family has no money.

Honestly, an ice cream or a small toy each day or two on holiday isn't excessive. Maybe it is 'tat' to an adult, but stuff like that brings happiness to little ones; I don't think he's going to be having the most fun on holiday if he's urged to invest it in stocks and shares or consider starting a pension.

Needing a toy a day to have fun is sad and frankly setting kids up for a very miserable adulthood.

LumpyandBumps · 24/07/2026 13:25

I can’t believe the criticism your poor mother is getting after simply trying to do a kind thing.

With the benefit of hindsight it would have been better for her to have kept her money.

My mother went to great lengths to make sure that my sister and I were treated equally.

There was no suggestion from OP’s mother that the money should be for the children. Her own ‘children’ are people in their own right, and don’t necessarily have to pass on any windfall to her grandchildren.

If her mother had given her other daughter more just because she has more children she might well have felt that would not be fair to OP. She can’t win!

When I went on holiday I saved pocket money to spend. If my parents gave me an unexpected extra amount I would have been grateful and not complained because other children had more. The cousins appear to get their attitude from their mother.

It’s a sad fact of life that it isn’t fair.

Should OP’s children share a room even if they have room not to because it might upset their cousins?

ThisWiseRobin · 24/07/2026 13:26

You've said that you didnt need the money. For pity sake this is your sister.
What morals are you teaching your kids. Throw this bloody money in a heap and share it equally with all the kids.
I think you are being really miserable and spoiling a holiday over a couple of quid.
Grow up.

TheignT · 24/07/2026 13:26

If kids go on group holidays like school or scouts they usually have guidance about spending money to avoid this type of situation. Seems sensible.

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:27

Snufkin88 · 24/07/2026 13:20

50 quid is a stupid amount to give a 4 year old to spend on a holiday and I’d have split it personally into smaller amounts but aside from that your sister is the unreasonable one . Your finances are none of her business

It is £3.50 a day, £3.50.

One ice cream
One slush
A pad and a pencil
A necklace
Some sweets

Are you really so tight that you begrudge a child a treat on holiday

I used to love seeing my kids faces in the tat shops - being able to choose what they wanted, no saying no, this was their money.

Call me stupid all you want, I have done it and would do it again gladly

it is £3.50 a day. Not even the cost of a costa coffee

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 24/07/2026 13:27

Daisypod · 24/07/2026 13:24

Even if as you say your mum gave you £100 each for holiday spends that’s going to go a lot further for your family than your sisters so even if you hadn’t given the money to your kids your sisters family were always going to be at a massive disadvantage. This seems to be a way of you feeling superior for only having 2 kids and judging the fact she has five.
if I was your mum I would’ve given the money to the families in a more proportional way due to the number of people in the two families

“your sisters family were always going to be at a massive disadvantage“

that’s kind of a fact you accept if you choose to have a lot of children though. It’s obvious that families with fewer children will have more to go around (money, time, bedroom space etc) and your children will have less. Presumably you think it’s a sacrifice worth making when you make that decision.

Grammarnut · 24/07/2026 13:28

Lovely gesture from your DM. Why didn't she give the money either directly to the DCG or divide 200/7 and split that way? Each child would have received £28 and a few pence over. Btw I would never give a 4 year old and an 8 year old £50 each - in this case given £20 like their cousins (which is still a lot for a 4 year old!) and put the rest towards buying treats for all the DC.

B1mbam · 24/07/2026 13:28

Imightbeinthewronghere · 24/07/2026 13:27

It is £3.50 a day, £3.50.

One ice cream
One slush
A pad and a pencil
A necklace
Some sweets

Are you really so tight that you begrudge a child a treat on holiday

I used to love seeing my kids faces in the tat shops - being able to choose what they wanted, no saying no, this was their money.

Call me stupid all you want, I have done it and would do it again gladly

it is £3.50 a day. Not even the cost of a costa coffee

Why do they need an ice cream a day? My kids never did. As young adults now, they don’t feel the need to have ice cream every day, just because. It’s full of shit and overpriced. A treat now and again on holiday is plenty. Far better to save the money and buy something decent with it.

This is why families don’t have money. They waste it.

Tinks2026 · 24/07/2026 13:28

To sum up - it doesn't matter, they'll be fine. Enjoy treating your kids.

And consider leaving your envious trouble maker of a sister home in future, you'll have a much nicer holiday.

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