I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Yep. It's so weird that people are pretending otherwise.

Agree with this viewpoint

if op had kept the money and decided buy booze with her £100 and piss it away, while her sister split her £100 with her five kids, so five kids had £20 and Ops had £0 would that be fair?
the answer is yes, because as adults they get to chose how to spend their money

Yes it would be fair and yes adults get to decide. But it wouldn’t exactly lead to a harmonious holiday!

There are two different questions here

does the OP have the right to give her kids £50 - yes of course

will it lead to a nice joint holiday for everyone and wanting to holiday together in future - no it won’t

Joint holidays aren’t only about what you’re entitled to do, they are also about what will cause smooth relations between the families

what are these ice creams that you speak of, OP? @dramaticlifestyle How expensive are they? How many are you going to allow your children to have?

I wouldn't give a 4 year old £50. My 11 year old would be inclined to lose that 🙈
I wouldn't be taking the money off your kids but to keep the peace I would offer to 'mind £20 each' and keep it for next holiday or day out. It would take the sting out of it for the cousins. But your sister needs to discuss pros and cons with her kids about big families and having less to go around is unfortunately a negative of big families....my friend has 5 kids. We probably have similar incomes but it obviously doesn't go as far as it does with my family of 2 children. That's a choice you make when you have a big family! And she cant expect everyone to adjust her life choices! But in saying all that 50 pounds especially for the 4 year old is way too much and will likely be spent on crap or even lost!

Urgh, I have a cousin with 6 children.

Whenever we do anything as a family the cost is split by adult. Nobody else has more than two children and some have none! We all end up subsidising his brood.

If a gift happened in this way in think it’s perfectly fair given all the subsidising that goes on! That being said, I’m not sure I’d even be giving my 8 year old £50. I probably would have given £5 and used the rest for an experience on holiday.

So £1.79 per day, if they're there for two weeks - and any more than that is ridiculous?!

It's not 10p for an ice cream and 25p for a bucket and spade anymore in 2026!

I think you’re wasting your time OP because most people aren’t reading what you’ve written, they’re just making up their own scenario 🤷‍♀️.

I don't think £50 on holiday is excessive for a 4 yr old

I have always said on holidays the rules are relaxed and they can spend their money as they wish

Slush on the way home from beach - go for it
Some tat at the shop - off you go
T shirt - help yourself

£50 over 14 days is 3.57 - hardly excessive when you look at it like that

Aren't parties like that exactly when you tell your kids not to dare comparing their slice size when they get free cake!

Kids don't want a bloody experience, they want tat!

You're the parent, you pay for the experience

I’m still baffled at your mum (albeit generously) giving her adult daughter’s spending money and not just giving all her grandkids spending money…..equally, of course. Just very odd. My mum hasn’t given either of us spending money since we were at school! She does give DC holiday spending money though. Next time, say to her to just divide equally between the kids.

Your mum divided the money equally between her two adult children. Her two adult children made their own personal decisions about how to use it. Your sister is being silly.

Where does this stop? Would it have been ok for the sister to turn around and give each of her kids £100, when she found out that the OP's children had £50 each? And then the OP's children might have been upset that they had less than their cousins.

But that's fine, right, since it's up to the OP's sister how much pocket money she decides to give her kids, no matter how many issues it causes for the family holiday.

I probably would have given £5 and used the rest for an experience on holiday.

36p a day? So she can save it all up and get an ice cream and a chocolate bar on the day they're about to go home?!

Absolutely right.

You obviously haven't met many 8yos. They know exactly when they're being short-changed and they usually want exactly what the one next to them has.

I very much doubt OP will be asking much of anything from the woman who can't afford to give her kids a decent amount of holiday spending money and becomes petulantly envious over OP giving her kids a perfectly normal amount of holiday spending money.

I doubt they'll be spending a lot of time together after her sister's envious meltdown at all tbh.

Probably for the best.

OP’s daughter was asked by her cousins how much she had - should she have lied?

but it’s not your responsibility to make it look equal, when you decided to have 2 children, and she decided to have 5
Not everything about life is about responsibility. Compassion sometimes should come first, especially within a family setting.

If you raise kids with no manners, maybe. I have never seen any parents letting the one child who might complain do anything than tell them to say thank you , and if they were not happy they could just have no cake at all 😂

"one had 2 cupcakes!" So? Don't be rude and shush.

(actually, I am lying, there's sometimes that ONE child, but they don't get re-invited and the parents always have all kind of excuses and then complain their little darling is being "excluded". 😂)

I agree. Albeit in the form of a kind gift, the £100 to each DD should be treated as income, to add to their own money. Regardless of that extra boost, they could have freely given their DC as much pocket money as they wanted/could afford. If she can't afford to spend any money on her DC unless her own DM gives it to her, this is the least of her worries.

Yet again reminded why so many posters on Mumsnet struggle in real life.
How has this provoked such responses?
It is children's holiday spends not the UK Budget good grief.

My children have had their own holiday spends since they were tiny. They could spend it on whatever they wanted, within their budget. Never too young to learn to budget and to learn that we dont have endless money for tat. That's happened the world over, for years and years, totally normal.

What has changed however, is people feeling increasingly entitled, enough to ask you to make your children go without so theirs don't feel bad. So you have to make yours feel bad instead? Absolutely not.

This is not a big deal @dramaticlifestyle , just say no and don't engage with her about it again. She needs to manage her children's feelings, which should be easy done for goodness sake.

This is what I would do, keep £30 back to spend after your holiday. No point creating a drama and ruining the holiday!

Exactly! Good example.

Some seem to think it’s all about what you can afford and being fair between the kids is irrelevant. So presumably they would say it’s fine for sis to hand out £100 each if she chose to.