I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Neither set of dc should be guilted or shamed. Because neither set of children has any say in how the finances are organized or how many children are in their families.
The adults should have done a better job at setting some holiday guidelines for the children who are all sharing the same holiday.
The amount given to the four year old does seem a lot but this is a poor adult decision.

Mum did not cause the issue at all. She gave equal money to her daughters. How they spent that money is up to them.
Its not up to op to think twice about what her sister may or may not do with the cash.

Life is about kindness and being flexible. How would feel if it was the other way around? You'd still be teaching your kids about money if you explained that they can have a bit now and the rest at home, to make it nicer for their cousins. They're very young, it's a chance to show them how sometimes we change things round because we're thinking of others. For example, when they were little, if my kids asked for ice cream when we were out with friends, I'd always ask the other parents first if they were going to buy ice cream for their kids. If not, mine didn't get any.

You are on a lovely family holiday with people you love, who love you! I don't think this is worth falling out over x

why?
Why should OPs kids get less, just because her sister decided to have a large amount of children....

I think your sister is pushing here.
Your mum kindly give you 100 quid each. You both decided to pass it on equally among your respective children.
The fact she has three more children to divide the cash is separate of the above.
One thing is equality and one thing is equity.
You can't take the money of your kids that would be a bad example. She can't top it to 50, which is life. She or her kids are now envious of you and your kids having more money to spend. That is life.
If I were your mum I would learn my lesson and I wouldn't give money to any of you in the future. I would give it straight to the kids, a tenner, or none at all. I would maybe top your sister kids this time for the sake of a good holiday but in the future I wouldn't be that generous.

Reading comprehension is at an all time low on this thread I see.

if I was in your shoes OP I’d have done the same

if I was in your sisters shoes and the children were complaining I’d be sitting them down and explaining in very clear terms the money was a gift for me from grandma, but I chose to give it to all of you. I didn’t have to do that I could have kept it.
There are 5 of you and it’s an equal split. What your aunt chooses to do with her money that was given to her by grandma is her choice, she chose to give it to her two children. You are not owed an extra £30 each because that is what your cousins have.

No because it’s up to each parent what they give their children.

If op and her sister both had two kids then it’s still up to op how she treats her own children (even though I think giving £50 to such young children is completely ridiculous).

Our kids’ cousins (and some of their friends) get more pocket money. We just explain that every parent can decide what is sensible and affordable and that different families think differently.

Your mum should have given the children money each. Why would she give money to her daughters who have money ? In this scenario I would have kept the £200 together and split it equally between all the children.

Nobody is being punished. At all. That's just reality.

Getting free money while on holiday is the opposite of punishment at any age.

Even if they're seething with jealousy, it's still not a punishment.

No one disapproves (or cares) how many children one decides to have.
Just not agreeing that someone should punish or reward a child for having more or less children, or any child at all.

They could have a child-free sister with them, the grand-mother would still be fair in giving the same amount to each adult.

The sibling who decided to have a bigger family is not entitled to more just because she has more kids.
If one adult decided to put the money in a saving account instead of letting them buy icecream, it would be a bit miserable but fair too.

A good and extremely important life lesson.

Kids don't shut up about this sort of thing.

You need to decide if it's worth wrecking the holiday (which you've presumably spent thousands on) for. Sometimes a strategic retreat is the best option.

So your dsis was happy to give her children spending money, not knowing if your children would have any as there was no discussion , this could easily have been her children have £20 each and yours non, would she have been as quick to take it back from them to make it fair on your DC's, if so then I would maybe consider reducing what they have left to spend, if not, then YANBU

I think if you go on holiday as a big group you should try and harmonise these things

Holidays aren't about life lessons, they're about having fun.

Who wants to feel like the poor relation on holiday?

Come op. Its awful your two are buying ice cream and cousins are having to sit and watch them eat it.

I was going to say that this might be a harbinger for their inheritance - hopefully many, many years into the future.

I agree that it's weird to leave it directly to the GC, rather than to your children, and not leave equal amounts to each GC; but there will be plenty of people in OP's DSis's position who would argue that their side of the family should get a much bigger share, 'to make it fair', even if it is left equally to the deceased's own children.

Some adult children with considerably more money would push for the money to be left direct to the GC, knowing that their side will then get much more; and some would propose that it be split equally between the children and the GC. Ultimately, choosing to have lots of children will mean that they get proportionally less of everything than children in a family where there are only a couple of them - not just money, but space in the house, parents' time and attention etc.

Having said that, we had an interesting scenario in our wider family, whereby the grandfather with 3 DSs, 2 SILs and 4 GC proposed to split his bequest 9 ways.

DS1 - married with 2 children - believed this would be very unfair overall on DS2, as he would lose out, and it should be a third to each DS (split however with DW/DC);
DS2 - bachelor with no children - thought it sounded perfectly fair;
DS3 - married with 2 children - was against it because he wanted one third all to himself rather than getting almost half of the total for his own family, but he personally only getting one ninth!

It was obvious that £100 divided by 2 and £100 divided by 5 was never going to be fair. Giving the same amount to each child would have made more sense.

Sure boo, let’s pretend it’s me who cannot apply logic and that the last sentence is true anywhere except your own little imagination.

Yep. I'm assuming the people claiming they've sniffed out this imaginary disapproval must themselves be deeply disapproving of having 5 kids - I give zero shits how many kids anyone has and find it really weird that thought even entered their head.

I just know it's batshit and horrible parenting to teach your kids to feel petulant and entitled envy because others are a bit better off than you.

I think £20 .00 each is fair and would keep back £30.00 to save for them.A 4 year old doesnt need £50 its too much .

You're coming across as furiously angry and a bit unhinged. Genuinely.

Amazing how many people on Mumsnet seem to hate their siblings. The OP comes across as entitled. I wouldn't do anything to make my sister or my nieces/nephews feel bad but then again I love them.

But that's not up to you or me, and definitely not the sister's place to decide.

For goodness sake. We're talking about giving a holiday an extended family have chosen to take together, presumably because they want to enjoy each others company, the best chance of success. Not a lifetime inequality issue arising from having more or fewer children.
I'm sure that unless the sister becomes much wealthier than OP, her children will have less throughout their childhood.
That doesn't change the fact that the holiday they've all invested in would be much better if this issue wasn't coming between the DC.
If principles over a few quid are more important than happy children, they'd be better off holidaying separately.