I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Except literally nobody is being punished. Having less free money than your cousins - money that was an unexpected gift you didn't earn and you got to simply enjoy while on a holiday - isn't even on the same planet as punishment 🤣😆😅

It would have been better if she didn’t by the looks of it.

You lot are too hardheaded and shortsighted, because what do you think this type of behaviour is going to do for the cousins’ relationship further down the line? Are we really acting like this forum isn’t flooded with stories about grandparent favouritism or unfair treatment causing tensions in families and ruining familial relationships?

On a joint holiday we always discuss activities, spends etc for the children and come to an agreement where every child's gets vaguely similar. One might have more spends, one might have more goes on a paid activity etc, but if any child asks then it can be explained as 'different but equal'.
At 4, and even at 8, unlikely to have a real idea of how much things cost to know how much actually spent. £50 spends also feels quite excessive unless you are somewhere very expensive.
Yes, it's your sister fault she has 5 children, but it's not the children's choice or fault to be one of 5, so why should they be penalised for the adults choices

All this could have been avoided with a sensible conversation.

You choose to have too many children, you take the consequences.

Although I have to say £50 to spend for a 4 year old (and for an 8 year old, to a lesser extent) is insane.

Sorry, I think you're been ridiculous.

Your mother did a nice thing and you should have been falling over yourself to stop her generous act becoming a bone of contention between the children. It was foreseeable that they might get upset at having different amounts of pocket money so you and your sister should have agreed the same. You could always have kept the extra back specifically in case there was something one child particularly wanted, while still giving the same 'headline' amount of pocket money.

And £50 is far, far too much for a 4yo. I have a similar age gap between my two and the older one naturally tends to get more spent on them as they want more expensive things, but it's done in a way that doesn't rub it in the face of the little one who is perfectly happy with a little purse with a few coins, a unicorn bucket and an ice cream.

This was not a problem that needed to be created.

Well I expect that this will be the last time the grandmother tries to do a nice thing and give each family a bit of spending money. And she gave it to each family, not to the grandchildren, for the many who lack comprehension skills. What a hoo-ha over nothing.

I really doubt that joint holidays will be on offer after this.

Keep laughing goofy. That’s within your range.

I don’t understand why you would ‘give’ the kids money to buy ice creams and slushies? Would you not buy them anyway? Surely they don’t get unlimited amounts because it’s ‘their money’. You could of just kept hold of the money and bought their ice creams out of it without causing any drama.

I thought you were going to say the kids had bought their own inflatable or holiday tat, not their own ice creams?

I bet your mum won’t be repeating the gesture next year!

Grandma’s should apply sense when doing nice things. Apparently many of you are easily placated if someone can throw money unexpectedly and you feel it cannot be challenged as a result.

Might be a good thing as it's horribly unfair on OPs children to try to guilt and shame them for being slightly better off than their cousins. Genuinely awful, ridiculous behaviour on the part of the OPs sister.

This seems to have been poorly thought through all ways round. Grandma would have been better off giving each of the grandchildren the same money. You and your sister should have talked through some basic holiday decisions like pocket money, snacks and basic organization. If this had happened then you wouldn't be in this mess.

I think yabu because I would never have accepted the unequal split across the grandchildren, your mum was wrong to do that and you were wrong to accept it.

I would give every child £28 and give your mum £4 back.

I think your sister is right to be upset with both you and your mum. Have you always been the favourite?

Then their mother needs to parent them better and teach them to be grateful for what they have been given.
She can also explain that she was given £100 and the OP was given £100 and they have both given it to their kids and as she has 5 so it equals £20 each.

But even if she HAD thought this, what could she have done differently. She only had £100, even if she knew/thought OP would divide her £100 in two, she can't magic an extra £150 out of the air? What was the alternative? Give her kids nothing so they had even less than their cousins? Pick her favourite two and give them £50 each?

I completely agree the sister is being ungrateful and rude, but arguing that she should have guessed what OP was going to do with the money doesn't make any sense - it's irrelevant, if she knew/guessed/assumed there was nothing she could have done to have made the situation equal. Whereas OP WAS in the position to avoid the inequality by just holding on and asking her sister/giving her kids £20, already far more than a 4 year old would ever need, and then spending the rest on something else that won't cause ructions.

I would be interested to know what the responses would be here if both sisters had the same number of kids, and OP had given her child £50 spending money without checking with her sister if sister could/wanted to do the same.

Wouldn’t that be seen as causing issues?

I think a lot of the replies here are influenced by the poster’s disapproval of anyone having 5 kids.

I think the grandmother messed up and should have given the same amount to each grandchild.

OP isnt causing any drama, her sister is.

So if you give your children the SAME you have a favourite?

To show someone is not the favourite, you would.. give them LESS? 😂😂

Your mother should have discussed this with you both, but no you shouldn’t take from the kids, your mother and sister are both in the wrong you are not.

your mother should have given each of the 7 kids 30 quid each after asking you what you’d do with it,

Life isn't like that (especially when you're a kid).

Bluey (Hammerbarn episode): “I can't be happy with what I've got when what she's got is better”.

😅😂😅😄😆😀😂

Your petulance and inability to apply logic is genuinely amusing.

Enjoy being desperately angry about being unable to control others 😘

Think about the money you have all spent to go on this holiday and now there is tension and ill feeling.

Would it not have been better to put some thought and discussion into what both families were going to do with their £100?

You could see this causing issues a mile off.

Like a PP put it, there's nothing wrong with buying my DC a massive ice cream, but I wouldn't do it in front of their cousin who couldn't afford to. It just seems mean spirited and unnecessary.

The £200 and the holiday as a whole could be spent having fun and making memories together.

No it's not bizarre, because she didn't give it to the kids. She gave each of HER kids £200. I actually agree that this isn't fair on the other kids. It's not their fault there's more of them. If they planned to give it to the kids instead of just generally using it as holiday spends, they should have pooled it and split it between all of them.

OP UPDATED TO SAY HER KIDS DON'T KNOW THE MONEY WAS FROM GRANNY.

So if the Sister has told her kids theirs is, thats on her/them