I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

In that situation I would have suggested pooling it with DSis and giving all DC equal spending money. Her DC are my neices and nephews, who I care for. I don't have financial responsibility for them and wouldn't fund their day to day lifestyles but this money was given to oil the wheels of the holiday, so I'd have shared it across the children.

Its a perfectly normal thing to do. Give your kids spending money on holiday. £50 wont last long.

I think you have been a bit thoughtless putting the money straight into your kids hands instead of using it for treats from granny.

I would be annoyed if I was the granny in this senario.

“Better standard”? So being able to give £50 on holiday means a better standard of childhood than having siblings and best friends for life?

I can afford to give my children money and buy them most things they want, but I choose not to.

If you prefer having fewer children because you want to provide unnecessary things, that is your decision. But it doesn’t mean that people who don’t make the same choice, or who have less money to spend, are giving their children a less happy childhood.

Whether I have one child or ten, I believe life isn’t about buying things, especially when they are young. It’s about experiences, relationships, love, and the memories they create. Which the adults successfully ruined on this holiday for them.

Assumingly the step-kids had the benefit of the stepdad contributing to the costs of the home they lived in with their mother.

Their mother didn't contribute towards the home his older kids lived in with his 1st wife so why would her kids get a share!!??

Oof. This is a bit of a communication issue isn't it? I can totally see why your mum thought giving each of you £100 was the fairest thing, but if it was going to the kids, it would have been better to just give each of the 7 grandchildren the same amount. Or you and your sister could have checked in with each other before splitting the cash and made sure each kid had the same amount as you said you didn't really need it anyway.
But I also totally agree with you OP, that it is too late now. You can't take money off your kids to appease your nieces/nephews.
I think your sister is being daft to sulk about this. I'd be chalking it up to live and learn for all parties and just minimise the focus on it.

She is being beyond ridiculous and why should she get a larger share of the money because they have chosen to have more children.

No good deed goes unpunished.

as previously mentioned it would’ve been better to give each person an amount rather than each family as the family numbers aren’t equal.

i wouldn’t take it off my kids now, you’ve already told them they have it.

its done with now, just leave it and carry on with the holiday like this hasn’t happened

Yes when we went away with friends/family we agreed child policies up front precisely to avoid “he has more ice cream, later bed time, more X” type discussions which you just don’t need on a family holiday.

Their mother shared the £200 between her two children, OP and sis, they in turn shared the money among their chidren, it isn't the OP's fault that her sister chose to have more children than perhaps she can afford! Certainly not the mother's fault, nothing bizarre at all about what she did. If sis gets her way now she'll be forever making similar demands, if mother dies and leaves money to her two daughters, she'd be moaning 'unfair' then on behalf of her multitude of children.

Yeah but come on you and your sister could have communicated better to avoid this. In this situation id have given my sis the heads up thats what i was planning, knowing that it would be awkward between cousins on holiday together is my kids were flashing a load of cash. Its called being thoughtful and considerate - my sis and I would probably have come up with an amount together that we could both afford to give each of our kids to ensure all the kids had the same (or maybe an age appropriate amount eg teens might have got £30, younger kids £20).

If you cant manage this level of compromise and consideration probably best you dont holiday with people in a different financial position to you as it tends to expose these sorts of issues.

She is the one who decided she could afford to have 5 children.

I think this is just one of those things. For the future, you and your sister will know to speak to each other in advance about how much spending money the kids have.

your mum did the right thing giving you the money as a family unit. In your position, I’d have given the kids £10 each and used the rest of the money for the family - a meal or a trip or something.

I think having more than 2 children seems to be looked down on, on MN. Things people see as the absolute minimum for providing for a child (paying for driving lessons, financial support for university, holidays abroad, extra-curriculars) - not everybody grows up with those things. Wonderful if you can provide those for your kids, but it's not everyone's reality and I definitely didn't grow up bitter not having many of those.

I think your mum should have given all the kids £30 each, that’s the only way to do it fairly

I understand your reasons. But my sister and I try and keep things fair, I would have maybe discussed it prior and said. I’ll give my kids £20 each too as a gift from grandparents and given my kids the other £30 another time.

This is too precious!

What is one of the (OPs kids) happens to say "Mummy bought me new shoes the other day and a monsoon dress" ..is that not allowed either simply because their cousins don't buy from there?

Kids are allowed to be upset and realise that others have more than them, that's okay.

Giving 4 year old £50 really isn't a normal thing to do.
Giving a 4 year old a pound coin or two and helping them choose some tat from the gift shop, or an ice cream is normal.

So one sister gets £60
and the other sister gets £150

HOW can that be fair?

Fine, well then work out how much the cousins have on average and leave them with that, tell them an extras will be spent at home.

I honestly can’t understand people who go on holiday with family and then seem intent on making everyone have the shittest time possible. Your kids won’t remember the tat but they will remember whether they had fun with the cousins and aunt or whether there was a nasty atmosphere for the whole time, their cousins were upset or arguing and you never went on holiday together again.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs you need to chat to your sister and sort this out.

How many ice creams are your kids having?!

Exactly.

She’s ridiculous as the money was given to the parents. If it was to be given to the children then your mother would have split the 200 between 7 grandchildren, as I would in this case.

I think this has been really badly handled. Yes it was you sister's choice to have 5 children compared to your two, but the most important thing here isn't you making your point, or your sister thinking "Yes it was my choice to have five kids and now my chickens are coming home to roost": it is the children who are feeling bad that they haven't been treated the same as their cousins. Surely you can see that?

JFC there are some weird responses on here. OP you've done nothing wrong. The sister and her partner chose to have FIVE kids. Guess what, that means that if you're obsessed with being fair, then each child gets a fifth while kids from families with fewer kids get a higher percentage. This is a great teaching opportunity for the kids from the large family.

If you don't want shit like this to happen then put something on it and/or close your legs, it's that simple.