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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
334bu · 24/07/2026 12:00

"So one sister gets £60
and the other sister gets £150
HOW can that be fair?"

No, each grandchild gets £30 and that's fair.

Shatenoeuf · 24/07/2026 12:01

Soontobe60 · 24/07/2026 11:47

Having been in a similar position as your DM I gave each grandchild the same amount of money. Those who are saying it was her wish to have 5 children, do you not care that these children are feeling upset because they are already probably worse off than their cousins? Because of the actions of the adults around them, they’re made to feel inferior. Neither the OP or her mother seem to have any feelings about their nephews / nieces / grandchildren.

There are lots of children where i live who are much, much worse of than mine. That is life sadly.

I do encourage my children to generally share and praise generosity. Mine would probably treat their cousins from their surplus money without me asking.

But life isnt fair. I dont expect my DC to share his fantastic bike he got for christmas with the boy a few doors down who's parents can't afford one because they choose to spend more of their money away on cars, the pub & holidays.

I dont expect DD to give her new roller blades to the girl in her class at school who only ever has battered hand me downs because shes the youngest of 6DC in a blended family.

I cant make up for everyone elses life choices that lead to them having less than us. I will happily pay more tax to even out how i benefit from capitalism .

WestwardHo1 · 24/07/2026 12:01

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 11:59

So one sister gets £60
and the other sister gets £150

HOW can that be fair?

But the presents were to the grandchildren, not the children!

Visiblyabove25 · 24/07/2026 12:01

Comeondoreen · 24/07/2026 11:52

Genuinely shocked that your expected answer to this is not obviously yes. If it became apparent that my nieces and nephews had notably less spending money than my own children I would take steps to balance things out. This is surely just good etiquette when it comes to children?

I have a great deal more money than many of my friends. In turn I have other friends who have a great deal more money than me. I’ve been on both sides of this, and I have never not known it be the default attitude especially when it comes to children.

Agreed, when me and my brother go on holiday together we always discuss in advance how much spends the kids are getting, down to how many rides they’re each allowed on in the arcades, and try to keep it fair, so that the kids don’t feel resentful or hard done by.

The aim of a holiday is for everyone - especially the kids - to have a good time. It isn’t the time to learn hard lessons about the unfairness of life.

OpenScroller · 24/07/2026 12:01

LeaderBee · 24/07/2026 11:52

Their mum still owns the house with her new partner, my brother and I are nothing to do with her so from her point of view, why should she share it between 2 people she is unrelated to and has nothing to do with?

But yeah, knowing that, I am a bit upset that our family home is being split equally 5 ways, although my mum (who has since passed away) did consider her stepchildren her real children. so that's their reasoning.

Wow, you're upset that your stepdad's first wife doesn't think you and your brother should get a share of her house.

The entitlement is shocking!

Heronwatcher · 24/07/2026 12:02

LeaveMeBee · 24/07/2026 11:58

This is too precious!

What is one of the (OPs kids) happens to say "Mummy bought me new shoes the other day and a monsoon dress" ..is that not allowed either simply because their cousins don't buy from there?

Kids are allowed to be upset and realise that others have more than them, that's okay.

Not when you’re all on holiday together and 2 of the 6 (?) cousins are off to get a slushie/ slime etc every 5 minutes and the others can’t. One of the OP’s kids appears to have spent £15 already- that’s nearly the entire spending money of the other children and a hell of a lot of ice creams/ tat. That makes for a shit holiday for the adults and children alike. It’s different when you’re at home and not all together of course. I would have thought that was obvious.

Oscillating · 24/07/2026 12:03

I would have not given such young kids £50 each personally. Maybe £10-20 spends.
And the rest I would have used to get them ice cream or something every day "from nana"

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 12:03

334bu · 24/07/2026 12:00

"So one sister gets £60
and the other sister gets £150
HOW can that be fair?"

No, each grandchild gets £30 and that's fair.

it's only fair to the siblings who has more children because they get more 😂

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:05

If you cant manage this level of compromise and consideration probably best you dont holiday with people in a different financial position to you as it tends to expose these sorts of issues.

Agree

And it’s not just about finances - you also need to communicate and compromise about things like rules on bedtimes and screen time and how much sweet stuff is allowed - because it’s always going to cause issues on a holiday if one family allows their kids much more than the other.

IMO for a joint holiday to work you need to work together to make things fair between the kids.

Everydayimhuffling · 24/07/2026 12:05

I can't believe you thought it was appropriate to give your children £50 each at that age at all, never mind without knowing if your sister was giving hers any money at all. It's bananas that you didn't discuss it with her first. Also, that you think they'll learn to budget or have a sense of the worth of money from having such a wild amount to spend! I would at least reduce what they have left. What a daft way to cause ill-feeling on a family holiday.

LeaderBee · 24/07/2026 12:06

OpenScroller · 24/07/2026 12:01

Wow, you're upset that your stepdad's first wife doesn't think you and your brother should get a share of her house.

The entitlement is shocking!

Ummm no...

read that again.

I wouldn't expect anything from his first wife? why would I? she's nothing to do with us. What i'm somewhat upset about is that they'll get their inheritence from her and that family home but they'll also be getting a share of our family home.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 24/07/2026 12:07

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 10:48

When you choose to have 5 children there will be times when money is tight. I think your Mum did right. Five children is a lot to choose to have.

Absolutely…..x

BOOOOP345 · 24/07/2026 12:08

BringBackCatsEyes · 24/07/2026 11:58

Giving 4 year old £50 really isn't a normal thing to do.
Giving a 4 year old a pound coin or two and helping them choose some tat from the gift shop, or an ice cream is normal.

It really is... Maybe some people just have more money then you.
What shop sales stuff for a £1 now!

sueelleker · 24/07/2026 12:08

This reminds me of a recent AIBU, where the OP had paid for all-inclusive; and her BIL wanted her kids to only have drinks and ice-creams when he bought them for his kids!

C8H10N4O2 · 24/07/2026 12:08

LeaveMeBee · 24/07/2026 11:58

This is too precious!

What is one of the (OPs kids) happens to say "Mummy bought me new shoes the other day and a monsoon dress" ..is that not allowed either simply because their cousins don't buy from there?

Kids are allowed to be upset and realise that others have more than them, that's okay.

You are ignoring the context.

They are sharing a holiday. When you share holidays which include children you either agree policy on pocket money, bedtimes etc or you don’t share the holiday or you set yourself up for hell.

The sister has five young children who see Gma has given two of them £50 and five of them £20. If as the OP says the four year old is eating his way through it in the form of icecream the sister will have at least some of hers asking for ice cream as well. I’m not surprised she has moved them away to sit elsewhere - if nothing else it removes the regular complaints about cousin Tom having yet another ice cream why can’t I? Its entirely different from random child with other family eating their way through a lot of ice cream.

I don’t know about you but when I’m on holiday I don’t want to be dealing with that shit. There are plenty of opportunities to build resilient children the other 50 weeks of the year, I never needed to take it on holiday, especially when it was easily avoided by a bit of thought in advance.

waterrat · 24/07/2026 12:09

Personally as. I love my sister and her kids i would meet in the middle here.

This isn't worth falling out over.

BOOOOP345 · 24/07/2026 12:09

334bu · 24/07/2026 12:00

"So one sister gets £60
and the other sister gets £150
HOW can that be fair?"

No, each grandchild gets £30 and that's fair.

Why should OPs kids get less because her sister decided to have 5 kids and the OP did the sensible thing and only had 2!

Aliceinwonderland75 · 24/07/2026 12:10

If the money was meant for the grandchildren from the outset my mum would have given equal shares to all 7 grandchildren.
If it was meant for you and sister from the outset it's your choice if you give it to your own dcs or not.

CatInTheRhombus · 24/07/2026 12:11

If the money was never intended for the grandchildren, then I do think you have caused a problem by giving it directly to your children. There was no way for your sister to avoid her children being upset once you did that. They’d either have no spending money (if she kept it herself) or less than yours.

You should have just kept it for yourself and quietly spent it on souvenirs etc. Or had the foresight to see the utterly predictable issue and just given them £20 like their cousins would have.

Faceonthewrongfoot · 24/07/2026 12:12

All the people who feel the OP should take the money away/not have given so much in the first place - what would you have done if it had been the Dad's mum that had given them spending money for their holiday, and therefore none given to the OP's sister/her children? Or if the children had saved up their own pocket money but the cousins hadn't (or don't get as much/any to save)? Should they have not been allowed to have the money if it meant they had more spending money than their cousins?

In reality, if OP had just kept the £100 and used it to buy her family ice creams or drinks or gifts from the shop, her children would STILL have ended up with more, because £100 goes a lot further with a family of four than a family of seven.

NorthXNorthWest · 24/07/2026 12:15

I can't believe that a third of the voters think you are being unreasonable!

YANBU.

You are responsible for the finances and allocation of money within your family unit, and your sister is responsible for hers. Your mother doesn't have to factor in whether the money will eventually be passed on to her grandchildren when she gives it to you.

You haven't handled it badly. Your sister has, by not managing her children's expectations. It is perfectly reasonable for you to ask your own children not to be boastful, but they should still be allowed to enjoy it. There is an important life lesson to be learned here for everyone involved, but instead a lack of personal responsibility, entitlement and sulking are being modelled by your sister.

Who cares what your kids spend the money on? Gifted money and holiday spending are rarely treated the same way as day to day household spending.

Ignore the judges and the haters.

WalkAway7 · 24/07/2026 12:15

I am sorry to say that YOU caused all this drama OP. Your mum gave you both the money to spend on treats for the kids, she didn’t give the money TO the kids. And I don’t believe that you are that short-sighted enough not to think that it would cause problems by giving it to your own two small children (not teens) when on holidays with their cousins. I think you thought “you decided to have five kids, sucks to be you!” And while this might be a thought that might pop into one’s head when the five are squabbling etc and your two are sitting nicely doing their own thing, I could not in all reasonableness cause that drama and tension on holidays in the way that you have done. It wasn’t nice and I feel bad for your poor mum.

Dhejeje · 24/07/2026 12:16

Kinda gross.

If gran wanted yo give grandkids money wouldnt she just have done that?

So you regifted your mum's gift and the kids dont even know its from their granny?

25 quid to each of your kids would have been more than enough.

It just feels tacky

ThreadGuardDog · 24/07/2026 12:16

Your sister needs to explain to her kids that it wasn’t grandmothers’ decision to give the money to them, and that the £100 was given to each family as a contribution to spending money. It was yours and your sisters’ decision to split their share of the money equally between the children in each family. Had they made a different decision and put it into a general spending pot, the kids wouldn’t have had access t o it at all, so they should be grateful they had it, not moaning it wasn’t more. No wonder kids grow up entitled.

waterrat · 24/07/2026 12:17

Forget where the money came from.

Just focus on one set of young cousins having a lot more spending money- why not find a way to make this a little more fair fr the 5 siblings.

When I go on days out with friends with less money I would never let my kids spend any more on the gift shop than their friends. I woul day...we can spend thst money another day let's not leave our friend feeling sad and left out.

Doesn't Take much to be kind.

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