I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Having been in a similar position as your DM I gave each grandchild the same amount of money. Those who are saying it was her wish to have 5 children, do you not care that these children are feeling upset because they are already probably worse off than their cousins? Because of the actions of the adults around them, they’re made to feel inferior. Neither the OP or her mother seem to have any feelings about their nephews / nieces / grandchildren.

Could not agree more.

Surely you love your nephews and nieces and want them to have a good time? Surely you want your kids and their cousins to be close?

It really does not matter who is technically right or wrong, what matters is working as a family to try and find a solution that means you all have the best possible time.

if it was me, I’d have a quiet word with my kids about using £20- £30 each of their money on something they can share and enjoy with their cousins.

Honestly I think £50 for kids that young is crazy. You could have given them £20 and said the rest is for a treat another time.

just tell your kids that as it’s so much money you want them to keep £30 for another trip. (When we go shopping on Saturday you can go to the toy shop or something like that).

uou weren’t wrong to give it to them but it was a bit tone deaf and it’s way too much money for little kids!

Spot on.

The sister sounds like a brat and so do her kids!
She chose to have five kids. If they can't be grateful for £20 spending money, they'd have £0 til they learnt manners and gratitude!

No One is forcing anyone to give anyone £50.

£50 is hardly a large sum of money! and who are you to decide what the kids need or not. They are perfectly old enough to have spending money on holiday.

Its not OPs fault her sister decided to go on and have a large number of children so they each get less!

How can they justify that?
Surely allnhouses should be split between all or you should have your own bio parents house between bio siblings??

Ps. I grew up with cousins who visibly had way more than we did. It wasn’t great for our relationship.

Nope.

Her mother never gave it to the grandkids. She gave it to her daughters to spend as they wished.

Agreed.

Even asking the OP to remove her children's spending money is a cheek. Ungrateful kids.

IMO you’ve created the problem here OP - it was pretty predictable that it was going to cause issues with the kids to give yours £50 spending money (that’s a lot of ice creams!) when your sister wasn’t going to be able to match that.

If I were your sister I’d suck it up for now and quietly decide that we wouldn’t be going on holiday with you again.

Depends what’s more important to you really.

I wouldn't let my kids spent £50 on tat on holiday. And ice creams etc would be bought by me. Had I been your mum I'd have given £10 to each grandchild as that is plenty.
Had I been you, I'd have given £10 to each child and kept £80 to spend on anything else. On the holiday myself or just quietly put it in my kids bank accounts without your mum knowing.

It is rubbish your two kids telling their cousin's they have £50 and you should have preempted that or tell your kids not to boast

Did you not already budget for ice creams and treats before you went on holiday? Or were your Dc not going to have any treats?

The family do need to recognise that when grandparents pass on, anything they leave will likely be split equally between their daughters... the onward share of that that ultimately passes to grandchildren will be diluted when split between more.

Maybe her sister should of saved harder so she could give them the extra spending money.
Her sisters kids complaining makes them sound like spoilt brats.

Generally I think it’s up to you how much kids get. However £50 seems excessive and if I knew ahead of time my sister was going to do the same I probably would have just given 20 to start with.

however what’s done is done - I wouldn’t be taking any money back.

Thanks for the prompt to check with my mate that I’m holidaying with next week whether she’s handing out pocket money to her kids.

£50 on a 2 week holiday is about £3.60 a day.

That's an ice lolly and a pack of sweets. Considerably less daily if they buy something outright like a teddy or a souvenir tshirt.
Or go to the arcade.

It's not actually that much really these days. The age of the child is irrelevant, the items are the same price whether 6 or 16.

Their mum still owns the house with her new partner, my brother and I are nothing to do with her so from her point of view, why should she share it between 2 people she is unrelated to and has nothing to do with?

But yeah, knowing that, I am a bit upset that our family home is being split equally 5 ways, although my mum (who has since passed away) did consider her stepchildren her real children. so that's their reasoning.

If you say the money is being used on ice creams then I think you should have kept hold of the money. I don't see why you have it directly to the children. Surely you could have kept it yourself as family money and then used it to buy you all an ice cream rather than deducting it from each child's £50. This surely was the intention of your mum anyway to have the money for treats.

Genuinely shocked that your expected answer to this is not obviously yes. If it became apparent that my nieces and nephews had notably less spending money than my own children I would take steps to balance things out. This is surely just good etiquette when it comes to children?

I have a great deal more money than many of my friends. In turn I have other friends who have a great deal more money than me. I’ve been on both sides of this, and I have never not known it be the default attitude especially when it comes to children.

What she should do is tell her own children to stop being greedy and be grateful for the pocket money they do have and then if they complain again take it away from them. It's a life lesson, sometimes others have more than us, many have less than us. This sort of parenting is not helping to build resilient adults.

You cant exactly get a lot with a tenner now. Its a 2 week holiday. £50 wont last long.

But they also know they have £50 and have told their cousins. This is what children do on holiday.

Why on earth did you not discuss children’s pocket money before handing over such a large sum to them? Then either pool it between all the children or hold some of yours back for a treat back home. £50 is far too much for a four year old, probably for the eight year old and all this does is create bad vibes between the children and their cousins for no reason.

I’d have split it between my DGC if it was for them or I knew it was to be passed to them.

If you go on holiday with another family it is normal to agree what money you are going to give kids, policy around ice creams, bedtimes etc so this sort of thing doesn't happen.

I expect your mum would be really sad to know that what she intended as a nic thing has caused this rift.

The sensible thing would be to make sure all the children have the same spends, and frankly - who hive a 4 yo £50!

Why on earth would you give a 4 year old £50 ?

the sister and people like the sister 😂