I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

£5 when the argument happened. My son had already spent £15 pounds. Now my kids have spent more money

In a group holiday like this, I would try and ensure all kids had the same spending money. What a shame this has become a focus of the holiday.

She chose to have 5 kids, they aren't going to have the same amount of anything as yours, especially if they can't afford it.

Oh well, not your problem

Of course you give each child £25 each. Bloody obvious

https://youtube.com/shorts/qBMSv9A5ouU?si=IruJpKGMlqclqtCk

My grandparents have done this with their will 😬

Half goes to the grandkids on my mums side (5 of us) and half goes to my Aunts single child.

I've always found it a bizarre way to do it as it is money specifically set aside for us grandkids so to me it makes more sens to just split it into 6 equal parts.

But that is the way they think is fair and I am grateful to be included in anyway in their inheritance and blessed for it. But again, seems an odd way to do it to me.

Then perhaps you should not have given it to your children?

You said you didn't need the money so why wasn't it split between the grandchildren equally? It does seem very unfair. I'd give equal amounts to all the children.
I didn't have the best family but when I read MN I'm so happy I had the extended family I did. Grandparents, aunts and uncles treated all the children in the family fairly and would not have one child having more than double the spending money another child has on holiday. I don't know why it didn't occur to your mum to just spit it between the children when you said you didn't need it.

Nowhere in the thread does it say the sister can't afford her 5 children...

The mother didn't intend cousin wars - she split the money equally between her two children.

So when someone forces you to give £50 to each of your children and you don’t want to, or can’t, then why do you have them? This is a very strange comment.

Giving £50 on a holiday is already questionable. They are on a family holiday, which is already a treat. Why make it about buying and spending money on things they don’t need? They are way too young for that.

This. If OP has ownership of the money and is using that just for DCs souvenirs and ice creams, then my 4 yo wouldn't even be aware of how much money there was in their name.

The people telling the sister and kids to suck it up seem to be forgetting this is a family holiday (although it seems like OP and sister don't really get along, based on the sister's reaction and them not even considering of communicating how to handle it)

The solution is probably to holiday independently in future if something that could have been very easily resolved with a quick conversation is upsetting the entire family holiday.

But op might have made the choice quite deliberately to have less children because she wanted to be able to afford a better standard of living for her kids, its not very fair if people then expect her to pay to even things out with people who chose more DC?

I would have LOVED 4 DC. DH and chose to stop at 2 because we wanted to provide a certain lifestyle for those kids that we couldnt afford for 4.

£50 isnt exactly a lot of money, it wont go far 😂

And is your sister aware of this?

Maybe she's more upset because she is thinking your kids know they've got £50 from Granny and hers haven't. Some kind of misplaced guilt that she chose to have five kids 🫣😂

Genuinely I don't see the issue then. Your Sister is being an idiot!

> That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50

Your sister's poor parenting is not your problem

Your mother caused this by not just splitting it equally amongst the kids. What are bizarre way to share it out

Spot on.

Forget what has happened on the holiday, how about this scenario

What if the OP had given her children say £25 each of her own money before they went on holiday and said this is your spending money. Then OP's sister couldn't afford to do that and OP's nephews and nieces would see OP's children with money that they didn't have. What about this? Are you still going to call the OP spiteful for giving things to her children that her sister can't afford to do? This is life and life is not fair.

OK, I’ll go against the grain here. I think ‘giving’ the money to your children (but still holding on to the actual notes and coins) is a clever way of starting them thinking about how to handle money. If they weren’t ‘spending’ their own money I bet you’d be buying the ice creams etc. anyway but now they can see how quickly their money goes.

The eight year old will soon have her own bank account for school trips etc. so if she can start now by seeing real notes and coins disappear quickly she will have a better grasp when the money is just on a card and she can’t see it dwindling so easily.

Ask your children to save £30 for Christmas or summer hols back home/outings. Don’t take any off them as this teaches the 5 siblings if they whine enough they get their own way. I imagine there might be some gloating then.

OP I would try and think of a compromise asap even if you are in the right. It would be v sad for a holiday to be ruined over petty money squabbles. And there is something faintly distasteful over young kids competing and comparing how much money they have.

No-one has forced anyone?

Are you the Sister??
Because if so and you somehow feel guilty or responsible for not being able to give your kids £50 each... don't!! They don't need it snd they're lucky just to have a holiday in the first olace; many families don't get that.

That's life. You have 5 kids, your money has to stretch 5 ways. That's why Many of us chose to have fewer children than we might have wanted in an ideal world.

YANBU OP.

Your mum gave both her DDs £100 for holiday money. Up to you what you spend it on. You chose to allocate it to your kids for treats, your sister did the same. She has more kids so they got less. Simple maths.

It says a lot about her that she's decided to tantrum about it.

Similar situation with the house we grew up in.

My mum had me and our brother and then met my stepdad, who already had 3 children of his own, and his own home that they continued to live in with their mum after they separated.

When our stepdad sells, our family home is to be split equally between all 5 children - his 3 children will presumably also get their inheritence from their family home, but only split between the three of them.

\0/

She needs to just sit them down and give them a quick maths lesson to explain.

You've done nothing wrong and neither have your kids.
I don't really think your mum has either, she gave you both £100. You two decided to split it to the kids.

It really shouldn't be such a big issue.

Just smile, have another all inclusive cocktail and let the kids buy plastic snakes and cornettos with it.