Would you find it weird if your mil asked you this ?

[Golferlady]

Looking for honest opinions please as I really don’t want to be that MIL that makes things awkward.

My son is getting married next year and I was thinking about asking my future DIL to come with me to help me choose my outfit. If your MIL asked this, would you think it’s odd and feel uncomfortable about it ?

There’s a couple of reasons I was thinking about asking - the first is that I know my future DIL has been to buy her dress & understandably isn’t telling anyone anything about it and her mum also has her outfit now which she also wants to keep a surprise for the day. So I’m worried that I might inadvertently go for a similar style or colour. For example I love lace but I know that could be what DIL or her mum has gone for. So thinking she could steer me away if I’m straying into their territory.

The other reason is that I’ve not been included in any of the wedding planning which I am secretly a bit gutted about but absolutely haven’t let on to anyone. I thought this could be a way to feel a bit more part of it rather than just feeling like a guest.

Wibu to suggest it ?

Does you son have any plans for a shopping trip? You could suggest taking him for lunch when he goes to try on his suit? Or shopping for shoes etc, just offer something like that but if he’s not overly sentimental try not to be sad if he’s not bothered.

But yes ask her, I cannot think of anything worse than going out for the day with my MIL, but I’m an awkward person (and my MIL is really toxic) but would do it as I think it’s a nice idea

Great idea!

It depends if she likes shopping. I hate shopping so getting my own dress would be an ordeal, let alone helping someone else choose one.

It's a lovely idea, especially if you go for lunch as well.

a mate of mine did this, they had a lovely day

I think it’s a lovely idea

I would have LOVED to take my MIL shopping. She chose for herself a purple flowery dress and massive hat, I could have steered her towards something champagne coloured and a fascinator like I did my mum. She didn’t look bad at all - she looked lovely but it would have been such a nice experience to have taken them both!!

I would have loved this (and I might have steered her away from the black trouser suit she did pick 😅), so if you get on and she enjoys shopping, I'd ask.

Just say you understand that she will have a lot on her plate with the wedding, but that if she has time, you'd love her to come out for the day to help you shop for your outfit and that if she was able to, you'd love to treat her to lunch/afternoon tea/whatever as a thank you! So she has an out if necessary and it's clear how much time it would take etc.

This sounds like such a sweet idea (though I cannot imagine having done this with my own mil!) maybe have an afternoon tea and make a day of it including one of the make up counter goes - and get lipsticks or something together?

I think if you feel like you’re missing out perhaps asking to be part of the pre wedding manicures / pedicures (along with mother of bride) might also be good - usually a few days before the wedding so not too stressed, and alongside favours-making?

So when you were just a child, your mum actually sat you down and told you that you needed to include your future MIL in your wedding planning? That sounds so weird and quite inappropriate. It sounds like her only ambition for you was to get married.

I would not be offended in the least if my mother in law had asked to go shopping with me, no. I hope you have a lovely time of it with the upcoming wedding.

It depends on your relationship with her and what she's like, but for me personally this would have been a chore rather than something to bond over. I had quite a long to do list/decision list already without adding in extra things.

I think there is a risk it comes across as you trying to make the wedding a bit more about you. Apologies, I'm sure that is not your intention, and I see I'm in a minority on this thread.

It’s so sad that they’ve not included you. I specifically asked my MIL to come dress shopping with me and we discussed lots of the plans with my ILs as I was conscious it wasn’t just my day it was also my husband’s and his family was just as important as mine. I’d definitely suggest it if you think she’d be open to it. I only have sons and this type of thing is something I think about too.

Hmm. I'm a MIL and DS and DIL got married about three years ago.

I wouldn't have dreamt of asking my DIL to come MoG shopping with me. She had enough to do. I asked what colour her mum was wearing.

I had no wish to get involved with wedding planning. They got married at a special location tied to DH's job because they wanted a London wedding. We arranged the booking and we paid half the reception costs. They chose the food and the wine.

DIL and her mum sorted: flowers, printing, frocks, cars, etc.

When I got married I sorted it with my mum. MIL would have done a cat bum face.at the cost of my frock. MIL asked what my mother was wearing.

DD gets married next year, she'll want me at the wedding dress buying not her future MIL.

It seems odd to me @Golferlady

Personally I think it’s nice to do these things together but I’m one of the minority who love their MIL. I also have no parents so MIL came wedding dress shopping with me as well.

I know stuff has changed over the years but weddings for many have moved to playing at prince and princess rather than just a lovely celebration, which makes all the planning a total PITA as everything is about a vision rather than ‘will my guests have fun?’

Amazed at some of the responses here @Golferlady and what people seem to be reading between the lines! It’s a lovely idea , go for the day and have a lovely time .

Personally I would hate this, but I am very introverted so it’s a “me” problem. I would say to give her an “out” when asking in case she’s like me - so we could do this, or I could run some ideas past you if that’s easier (mind you, my introversion meant I only had our parents at my wedding, so I’m probably not the best example 😂)

The invite to lunch and dress shopping sounds great. As bride I think she would love to know or be able to give suggestions on what to wear to harmonise with the wedding style. You will of course be in the family photos.

I love my MIL and think it's a lovely idea. I don't know anyone who "despises" their MIL, so I'm sorry you know so many people who do.

I would have been so happy if my mother-in-law had gone shopping with me. Unfortunately, at the time of our wedding, there were tensions between both families, so we weren't on good terms. We ended up doing all our shopping separately but it would have been such a lovely experience to share that time with her.

TBH I think it's quite odd that her mum won't tell you what her outfit is like, she must be looking for attention on the day as the mums outfits are hardly a big deal.
I know your DIL to be is keeping her dress a secret too, only telling her mother but not you, but I do think that it's a warning that you'll be left out of a lot of things in the future.

I would have loved to be asked

My DiL asked and I thought it was a lovely idea - I actually said go the first time with your mum and then I’ll go the second time (I assumed it would take alot of visits!)
Of course she bought a dress the very first trip!
But I did go with her to the tailors as she needed it tweaking a bit so I did actually see her in it properly before anyone else!!

I’m getting married in 2028 and would be really pleased if my MIL suggested this, and maybe coffee/lunch too. I’d also love any offers of practical help or support closer to the wedding.

For what it’s worth, I feel a lot of pressure around our wedding already, and am naturally drawing on my best friend for support. It’s more a case of talking through decisions with someone I’m already close to, my fiancé can do the same with his parents should he want to. I’m including MIL when we chat already but not seeking her out for advice if that makes sense.

Good idea