AIBU to consider leaving our knitting group over its new policy?

[Solentseeker]

I’m in a women’s knitting group. It started as just a group of friends and extended from there. We meet twice weekly in an hall that has to be booked and paid for and go on trips etc so it has become more formal over time and has a treasurer, secretary, social secretary etc. I and two other friends were founder members but we take a back seat in the organisation now. We attract lots of younger members (30-somethings!) which is great. I (early 60s) love socialising with people, hearing their views etc.

The new chairman (woman) has recently decided that we should announce that we are ‘trans friendly’ and try to attract trans women and non-binary people. Apart from the fact that I don’t know what non-binary people are other than people who don’t sign up to gender stereotypes (most of the women currently in the group don’t go in for nails / make up / fake tan etc anyway so what’s the difference?) I don’t want men in the group, trans identifying or otherwise. I’ve been sexually assaulted a few times in my lifetime, as has another of the founder members. We’ve also always appreciated having a space away from the male gaze and voice, where women can have their voice centre stage for once. I know a number of the current members are also extremely concerned about this new push and would feel pushed out too if any men join.

I have no desire to ‘out’ myself as a ‘TERF’ by complaining or pushing back as it would in their eyes make me a ‘bad’ person and I always try to do good by everyone. I just disagree wholeheartedly with the idea that men should be treated as women because they say so. It seems so seething misogynistic. I’m deeply sad about the whole situation and think I’m going to have to leave the club, because the current chairman seems to stand for things that I don’t. I appreciate women’s rights and they don’t seem to give a fig. What do politics have to do with knitting? Do I just leave? Do I wait and see whether any men try to join before leaving? I can’t be arsed to fight back even though I would have a LOT of (currently silent) supporters.

by pure chance, and now OP wants to formally exclude men.
I don’t think you even comprehend the difference that makes

Interesting analogy.

Anyway, how about some women don't want them there, and that's both fine, and legally fine too.

Some members do, including the elected chair that is responsible for ensuring the group doesn’t engage in discriminatory practices.

I’m just saying they wouldn’t have been allowed unless the whole group decided they they wanted the ethos to change.

Who said it was chance?

And I said that a mixed group, if specified as that was fine.

But why are you so keen for women not to have any spaces away from men in addition to that? It's not a great look.

How can a knitting group say it is for women only? It’s just for people who knit?

Don’t agree. It’s sexism and makes them just as bad as men who don’t want women on their man only golf course or man only clay pigeon shooting range.

You can think it’s fine to justify sinking down to the shitty standards men had for us. It’s the ethics of a child.

Here you go, just in case you’ve forgotten what you typed a few minutes ago

A minority yes, but we all know that it is likely that their opinions, their expectations for example that they be referred to as a woman, that their preferred though inaccurate pronouns be adhered to, that they use the womens toilets are observed by the rest of the group. Quite a lot of expectations and unreasonable concessions for one person, but that is what happens when one person thinks that their feelings are more important than other peoples reluctance to accept untruths.

But knitting isn’t a known means of facilitating business connections. We talk about knitting. It’s totally different. I know loads of men who play golf purely as it’s good for business relationships. It’s the sole reason why my father played golf.

Right, but you've said you love hearing other's views. Except, apparently, the chair's. Because you've complained about her (their?) stance on trans and non-binary knitters, her 'extreme left wing views' and her 'virtue signalling.'

So you seem pretty contemptuous of her, for someone who loves hearing other's views.

Don’t even start this is not at all comparable to necessary single sex spaces. It is absolutely ludicrous to elevate a knitting group to single sex hospital wards, prisons, athletic categories, dressing rooms, initimate care, and so on.

This is knitting. There is no earthly reason why it needs to be single sex.

I think if it was set up as a womens knitting group then it should stay as a womens knitting group. If people want a mixed sex knitting group they are free to start one.

Even if it was a known way to facilitate business connections, that's OK too.

I'm in a womens business networking group. Pretty sure we're not getting raided by the police any time soon.

Hst, I'd leave if a TIM joined.

We don’t talk about political views. Well no one other than she does.

For goodness sake @Solentseeker , just say "I think this is something that should go to a vote".

It's ridiculous to complain here, but not actually DO anything. You don't have to out yourself as a TERF, if you're scared to do so. Just mention it as a point of order. It's not something that the chair can just decide.

For goodness sake, just put your big girl pants on and use your voice. And if you have friends who are also put out, get them to do the same.

Are you hallucinating? Noone has suggested the things you are accusing them of suggesting.

It can be. It all depends on who is who that also knits.
Any social group is a crossroads for connections that create mutual benefits on all levels.

Where’s the ‘hate’. I’ve said in fine if men want to join, just that it should be a group decision.

No, it's a changing of a single sex thing to a mixed sex thing.

Hth.

So you 'love hearing other's views' only so long as they stick to your preferred topics?

why are you so keen for women not to have any spaces away from men

the above is not a hallucination.

This one is a women's knitting group.

Hope that clarifies it for you.

Knitting is not a single sex thing