Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

[MyLusciousEx]

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List.

Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday.

60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles.

Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

300 miles away for an evening do? It would be a no from me.

Hard to answer , what is you're connection to the couple ? It is a long way to travel for an evening doo

I'd prioritise washing my balding hair over 300 miles for a midweek evening-only invite.

That venue must be cheap as chips on a Tuesday in November in rural France.

I’m sure she’s fond of you but she isn’t your bestie. She’s inviting you to the evening party to be polite - she doesn’t really expect you to attend and it may well be that your ex would prefer you to be absent, especially if he or she will be there with a current partner.

It’s probably best that you loosen your ties with your ex’s family tbh. Easier all round.

Who is travelling mid week 300 miles to an evening do? 😂

on MN, no one ever goes to weddings 😂

In real life, quite a few people.

For the evening do , travel up the same day. Stay 1 night. Go home next day.
2 days leave (or you could leave at lunchtime) 1 night in a hotel.
Would completely depend on the person getting married @MyLusciousEx

Your ex's sister? I am amazed you have been invited at all! Have I misunderstood? No way in hell would I be going to a midweek wedding in France. Take the hint, you are not her 'bestie'. Who uses that word anyway?

Even the people invited to the full wedding would have to be pretty devoted to the bride/groom to want to take days off work and travel that far. If I was not that important and was only invited to the evening I would decline.

Okay so what has occurred to me is that she is your Ex’s sister. I wonder if it’s awkward for her to invite you because obviously ex will be there too. Perhaps he feels uncomfortable and this is what he has said he would be okay with? Still doesn’t mean you need to go though - why are you still friends anyway?

Frankly, I don’t think you can ask anyone to go 300 miles for the evening only.

I don't think anyone should get an evening only invitation to a destination wedding.
For a local wedding evening guests would be colleagues, neighbours, good friends of parents.

I don’t know and I wouldn’t care about the kind of relationship - it makes no difference.

If I was immediate family in that situation, I’d be very annoyed and curious as to what I’d done but other than that why do you care? There is absolutely no way I’d travel that far mid week for an evening wedding party.

Our day guests were close friends and family. Around 50. My husband has a very large family!

Evening guests were friends and our favourite work colleagues - an additional 25.

We kept the whole thing as small as possible because we wanted to be able to talk to everyone and have a chilled out day. And yes, some people took umbrage at not being invited.

Are either of the couple French @MyLusciousEx?

I went to a French friend’s wedding in France and she booked coaches home for the Brits at 4am - which was seen as an early exit! The French family expected to leave at 5am. We had a long drawn out meal and dessert wasn’t served until midnight.

So just wondering if perhaps it won’t be a typical English 7-11pm type affair and so they see it as you being invited to most of the wedding?

I believe French wedding ceremonies are usually in a town hall - perhaps this has a limit of 60 people?

A Tuesday does make it hard for guests though. If you like them enough, can you travel at the weekend and make a short break of it?

A bit of a techincal question, but would this even be a 'legal wedding' ? You need 40 days residency in France to marry.

I personally would decline - a mid week 300 mile round trip, across / under the channel, hotel accommodation, plus food, for 3-4 hours of a party,It's approx £150 for the Chunnel crossing .

Nah. To be honest it would be a big ask for a full day invitation.

Take her out to dinner to celebrate.

Well exactly who you mention. And I wouldn’t go that distance if it was me! In fact I think the evening part is the worst of it, so wouldn’t go if it was next block over.
We invited everyone to the whole thing.

If I was planning a wedding where the venue was 300 miles away from the majority of guests I would invite everyone to the whole thing. I know I'd do this because it's what I did for my wedding which was 230 miles away for half the guests!

I'd think it was massively unreasonable to expect someone to travel that far for an evening party. I also find the evening guest thing a bit depressing and awkward and have never been keen on the concept. But to answer your question - same list as you provided and from my experience its usually all work colleagues.

If you’re hosting 300 miles from where the guests are it’s rude to have evening guests at all.

I dont think there is a list, depends on the size of wedding for a start. I'd say anyone you would ideally like to celebrate with but for whatever reason won't fit in your day plans!

We only had 18 in our ceremony as we didn't want to be centre of attention for loads of people and also we needed to do sit down meal for the grandparents but couldn't afford to do that for 100. But there were other people we liked enough to ideally want to party with, so we invited them to the more informal evening. For us that included some good friends, cousins, less close uncles and aunts. We only invited people we wanted, so it certainly wasn't an insult, but we also weren't offended if people declined as we understood some people may not want to travel or turn down other plans just for an evening. Some people did travel and mostly used it as a way of continuing to catch up with family or friends the next day or tagged onto some sightseeing etc. I have felt bad sometimes reading the vitriol for evening guests on Mumsnet, but I've been an evening guest and not minded (and indeed one of my cousins had got married abroad just them before us and had an evening party when they got back which we travelled to attend and enjoyed, so I guess it was more 'normal' in my family.)

Ok, it being abroad changes my answer a bit. It's weird to have evening guests in that case! But in general I'd say brothers ex who you get on with is exactly the sort of person who might be invited to an evening! You are not family!

Evening invites should only be for local people and only if the ceremony venue has limited seating otherwise its just tacky in my opinion and looks like a gift grab

As so many others have said, there is no 'rule'.

But, if you choose to get married 300 miles away (600 miles round trip plus ferry), then you can expect that a lot of people won't come.
Equally, if you choose to get married on a Tuesday, it means many people won't be able / willing to come
If you choose to get married abroad, some people won't be able / willing to come.
Combine the three, and obviously lots of people you might invite won't come.

That is even for people invited for the whole day. I genuinely can't imagine anyone is going to go just for an evening party. I am speaking as someone who is always very happy to be invited to a (local) evening wedding party. No hate for them from me. The issue here is choosing a venue that means all guests have to take a lot of time from work and other commitments to get to and spend a lot of money to get to.

It is never acceptable to have a two tier destination wedding, its just not done.

You (general "you" not You you!) cant ask people to travel, spend money etc and then only ask them to the evening. Its all in one or nothing at all. Its so fucking grabby and selfish. If you can't afford everyone all at once then you can't afford that wedding and you need to rethink.

I wouldnt be going.