Page 10 | Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

MyLusciousEx · 2026-07-22T12:10:33+00:00

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List. Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday. 60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles. Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 22/07/2026 17:59

Colleague, but quite close as in the arts so spent time sharing a dressing room, traveling long distances, lots of dinners after work. It was about 100 miles and I drove home afterwards.

Livpool · 22/07/2026 18:06

Evening guests should be local

Bobbbb · 22/07/2026 18:10

JustGiveMeReason · 22/07/2026 17:56

As so many others have said, there is no 'rule'.

But, if you choose to get married 300 miles away (600 miles round trip plus ferry), then you can expect that a lot of people won't come.
Equally, if you choose to get married on a Tuesday, it means many people won't be able / willing to come
If you choose to get married abroad, some people won't be able / willing to come.
Combine the three, and obviously lots of people you might invite won't come.

That is even for people invited for the whole day. I genuinely can't imagine anyone is going to go just for an evening party. I am speaking as someone who is always very happy to be invited to a (local) evening wedding party. No hate for them from me. The issue here is choosing a venue that means all guests have to take a lot of time from work and other commitments to get to and spend a lot of money to get to.

Strange tho because I have and would travel hundreds of miles and internationally for a milestone birthday party which inevitably is only an evening event.

I expect it feels different for a wedding though and as an evening guest I have always felt ‘out of sync’ with the energy on arrival. Can’t think of an evening reception I’ve been to that Ive enjoyed.

QueenietheGreat · 22/07/2026 18:15

@MyLusciousEx
Don't bother it seems too much of a palaver for which you're probably going to have to dig deep and could end up having a fraught evening
You actually related to one of the couple?
If you are I imagine you're a distant relative
And they won't care about the hoops you jumped to get there anyway

malloryknox123 · 22/07/2026 18:20

MyLusciousEx · 22/07/2026 13:57

The bride is my Ex's sister.

We're really close; she calls me her Bestie. I'm still really good friends with her brother, we all still socialise together.

I just feel a bit second tier tbh.

Wedding is in rural France and all (most?) invitees live in Kent.

Edited

You’re the ex partner of the bride’s brother?

words fail me

lap90 · 22/07/2026 18:31

You are not as close as you think.
Just decline and send your ‘bestie’ best wishes.

I only accept evening guest invites if local.
It’s just not worth it otherwise.

KatiePricesKnickers · 22/07/2026 18:36

It’s a no from me as well.

LBFseBrom · 22/07/2026 19:10

MyLusciousEx · 22/07/2026 13:11

My thought was

Colleagues
Distant cousins
Old school friends now drifted apart.

Any other types fit on the reasonable to ask to Evening only?

Neighbours.
Friends of parents.

Any people you may like but not be particularly close to.

Op, that is a heck of a long way to go for an evening do. It's nice you were asked, polite and all that, but personally I wouldn't travel that far for a wedding if I was not close to the couple. I'd send them a card, give them something and wish them well. They won't mind if you don't go, they'll be expecting some refusals

Sharptonguedwoman · 22/07/2026 19:19

Xiaoxiong · 22/07/2026 13:29

The only time it's ever made sense to me to be an evening guest only was when a colleague of mine got married and invited our whole team (around 15 people) evening only. We all knew her super well, and each other, but none of us knew her family or her new husband's family. We all travelled out to the country house venue together, went to the ceremony to see her gorgeous dress, then took ourselves out for a long lunch we'd booked at a local restaurant while the day guests all went to the wedding lunch at the venue and went back to our hotel rooms for a snooze before the evening do.

We all had a fab time at the evening do with our colleague who could actually hang out with us and have a boogie once a lot of her family went home (the grandparents and families with kids). Then next morning we all met up for brunch with the bride and groom before heading home.

(That's been the exception rather than the rule though. Other times I've been an evening guest it's been lame, where I've showed up almost sober to a roomful of absolutely wasted guests, or stood awkwardly outside with other evening only guests because the speeches are running over and we're not allowed in yet. I've also had the opposite, invited to the whole day, but the only person I knew was the bride or groom and was sat at a table making small talk with people I'd never seen before or would again.)

Absolutely seconding this. Well put @Xiaoxiong.

BlackCat14 · 22/07/2026 19:24

I’ve been an evening guest twice. One for a colleague and it was in our city. One for a uni friend and it was a 40 min drive away so I drove and didn’t drink there.

My “rule” I guess has always been, if it’s local and easy I’ll go, but I’m not going miles out of my way or spending a fortune for evening only.

AgileMentor · 22/07/2026 19:27

We have a wedding in September and it’s a couple that my partner knows and then I’ve become friends with the girlfriend. Our kids are super close we have her round all the time and me and the mum are closeish no coffees or anything but chat regularly on messenger.

Vanillaicelatte · 22/07/2026 20:01

My son is getting married next month
daytime guest it’s mainly immediate family and some of my close friends and some of his partners close friends and his parents close friends every one got a plus 1
I think around 90 people

evening is for friends , work friends family like my DH sisters and their family

my Dh ex wife and husband are also coming to the evening reception but both of their adult kids and grandkids will be there for the whole day so it will be a nice way for families to all catch up with each other

it’s a hotel based wedding easy to get to and most people live in the city so no travel issues

Cornucopia55 · 22/07/2026 20:33

Calliopespa · 22/07/2026 15:56

Evening only invitations are a newish thing and I have to say I find them incredibly bad form.

It isn't a nice feeling to turn up to a celebration that's being in swing all day because they've only valued you enough for "the cheap seats". Why do people do it? Just scale your wedding so you can invite the ones you feel you really need to invite, then don't demand the effort of getting dressed up, probably hairdresser, transport, accommodation, gift from people who you aren't giving the full hospitality to.

I think it has risen with insta: people are overreaching with what they can afford to do properly. It's well tacky.

Edited

I'm mid-50s and evening invitations were very common during my childhood. I have very happy memories of going to 1980s wedding discos with an evening buffet!
I have really appreciated some evening invitations in recent years when I knew I wasn't close enough to the couple to warrant a day invitation. It was fun to turn up and join in the party.
I do agree with you though about the Insta weddings. It seems so sad that weddings are often all about the commercial venue rather than the people you want there.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 22/07/2026 20:42

I think anyone can be invited to the evening, normally it's fairly distant people but at my parents wedding they only had about 25 for the day, and my dad's family was huge - so his siblings were all evening do only. It really depends on the set up.
I wouldn't do a 600 mile round trip for it, just say that you can't make it unless you really want to go (but your comments make me think you don't want to go and are offended by the invite).
It's their wedding, they can invite who they want to what they want. It's your invite, you can respond however you wish. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough (for couples and guests) without everyone getting offended by the type of invite or where they're sitting etc.

SummerPeonies2026 · 22/07/2026 20:46

I hope that helps op. Factor in poor weather too, we have been caught out in late November. I’d be hurt tbh in your position. Don’t feel you have to go.

Macinae · 22/07/2026 21:37

No, I wouldn't travel 300 miles for an evening reception.

NoSausage · 22/07/2026 21:50

I'd say she wants you there but is only inviting you to evening do as your ex is her brother and will presumably be there all day and she wants to avoid awkwardness.

I wouldn't go 300 miles to any evening do. Taking the emotion out, it's wildly impractical and I doubt she expects you to go.

I wouldn't fall out with her. It's a token invite - evening invitation means you're welcome and she loves you but you both know that boone is travelling 300 miles and staying overnight for a few hours of passing "Congratulations!"

Decline. It'll sour your friendship to go.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/07/2026 21:55

I would not travel 300m for an evening invite

Soreenmaltloaf23 · 22/07/2026 22:04

On a Tuesday night the only evening guests should be local friends. Otherwise I'd expect most to decline.

JustGiveMeReason · 23/07/2026 00:40

Calliopespa · 22/07/2026 15:56

Evening only invitations are a newish thing and I have to say I find them incredibly bad form.

It isn't a nice feeling to turn up to a celebration that's being in swing all day because they've only valued you enough for "the cheap seats". Why do people do it? Just scale your wedding so you can invite the ones you feel you really need to invite, then don't demand the effort of getting dressed up, probably hairdresser, transport, accommodation, gift from people who you aren't giving the full hospitality to.

I think it has risen with insta: people are overreaching with what they can afford to do properly. It's well tacky.

Edited

Evening only invitations are a newish thing

Utter rubbish.

I went to plenty of evening parties in the 1980s and 90s.
I also remember my parents going to some in the 70s.

I think it has risen with insta:

I went to dozens, long before we all had the internet, let alone Instagram.

Evening only invitations are a newish thing and I have to say I find them incredibly bad form.

Obviously we can agree to disagree about it, but I am interested as to why you consider being invited to a party as "incredibly bad form" ?
I went to one a couple of weeks ago, and was quite touched to have been invited. It was my dd's school friend. Obviously I wouldn't expect to be invited to the main Reception, which narrows it down to 'Not being invited' or 'Asked to come and join the party in the evening. I was thrilled to be invited.

It isn't a nice feeling to turn up to a celebration that's being in swing all day

Well, obviously a lot of people disagree with you, and enjoy being invited to parties.

Why do people do it?

Because, outside of MN, lots of people have plenty of friends - usually more than is practical or reasonable to be able to invite to a sit down meal. By inviting people to the evening party, they can also celebrate with their wider circle of friends

Just scale your wedding so you can invite the ones you feel you really need to invite, then don't demand the effort of getting dressed up, probably hairdresser, transport, accommodation, gift from people who you aren't giving the full hospitality to.

I enjoy getting dressed up for a special night out. I don't see it as 'an effort'
I wouldn't typically go to the hairdresser to go to a party
'transport' .... most have said on here they would typically only invite / go to evening do for a local wedding. Sometimes one of us will drive, other times get someone to drop us and get a taxi back.
'accommodation'...see above...not needed for local wedding parties
gift ..... I would take a birthday present if invited to a birthday party, why wouldn't I take a wedding present if invited to a wedding party ? I am receiving hospitality. The couple have hired the room and bar staff, usually a DJ or maybe a band, and usually a buffet, or more recently it tends to be wood fired pizza or something. Just like any other party I might be invited to.

Imisssleep88 · 23/07/2026 04:27

It's an invite, you choose whether to accept of not based on location, if your available etc. it's the couples choice who is invited to what part of the day and what their budget will cover numbers wise. Their choice of location isn't for you to judge, they chose it for a reason. If your unhappy with your invite or don't think it's worth the journey/annual leave then just politely decline.

We personally just had close family and friends to the day and then a few less close friends to the evening, but we both have small families. We had 80 to the day and about 110 to the evening total including day guests

LBFseBrom · 23/07/2026 05:01

"Evening only invitations are a newish thing"

No they are not, they have always happened.

Alpsk1 · 23/07/2026 06:48

Personally if it was my wedding I would invite anyone who lived that far away for the whole day. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to travel that far for an evening.. unless they don’t want you to actually come and are inviting you because they feel they should! - or at least that’s how I’d feel if someone invited me for evening only that far away.. I’d think they didn’t really want me there.

ClaredeBear · 23/07/2026 06:52

Calliopespa · 22/07/2026 15:56

Evening only invitations are a newish thing and I have to say I find them incredibly bad form.

It isn't a nice feeling to turn up to a celebration that's being in swing all day because they've only valued you enough for "the cheap seats". Why do people do it? Just scale your wedding so you can invite the ones you feel you really need to invite, then don't demand the effort of getting dressed up, probably hairdresser, transport, accommodation, gift from people who you aren't giving the full hospitality to.

I think it has risen with insta: people are overreaching with what they can afford to do properly. It's well tacky.

Edited

I’ve been to loads of evening invitations and I’m in my 50s. Right the way through the 80s and 90s >. With so many destination weddings I can understand why they might not be as common but I was always very happy to join the party in the evening - the best bit!

MissSookieStackhouse · 23/07/2026 07:25

I'm amazed anyone would seriously consider a weekday evening-only invite 300 miles away in a foreign country in November!

I'd assume the bride was only asking to give the impression of including them and not expecting someone to actually turn up for that. (Mind you, there are some absolute bridezillas out there, so you never know! )