Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

[MyLusciousEx]

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List.

Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday.

60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles.

Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

Personally, I wouldn't bother going to rural France (or rural anywhere) just for one evening, mid-week. Why do you feel you need to go?

I’d be giving that a swerve tbh! Couldn't not be arsed with travelling all that way for an evening celebration!

Can I make an "older generation " suggestion. Sack off the evening do. Save the money and have one event for everyone. Because its a Tuesday, no one is going to travel that distance, so a nice intimate meal with family and close friends should do it. Assuming you are the bride, you can go big on a weekday.

Sorry that's CAN'T, go big on a weekday.

Ok, seen your update. We didn't have evening guests. Our wedding was overseas for half of the invitees; we paid for hotels, too (cultural).

Evening invitations are imho for colleagues, distant relatives etc. Definitely not for people forking out for the Eurotunnel (presume you'll be driving over).

This.
And madness to think anyone will...

Evening invites are for colleagues, your sort of friends from book group or the gym, your mums friend who she always made you call auntie as a kid but you haven't actually seen since you moved out of your parents house etc. No one who has to travel over an hour or who you regularly see intentionally. If you're expecting your guests to go to the time and expense to be at your wedding (travel, hotel, annual leave spent, potentially getting family to watch the kids or the dog etc), you fork out to make sure they feel like their commitment to you is similarly matched, it's basic hosting.

I would only go local for an evening do and probably not mid-week either

Evening only invitations are a newish thing and I have to say I find them incredibly bad form.

It isn't a nice feeling to turn up to a celebration that's being in swing all day because they've only valued you enough for "the cheap seats". Why do people do it? Just scale your wedding so you can invite the ones you feel you really need to invite, then don't demand the effort of getting dressed up, probably hairdresser, transport, accommodation, gift from people who you aren't giving the full hospitality to.

I think it has risen with insta: people are overreaching with what they can afford to do properly. It's well tacky.

No one’s travelling 300 miles for an evening invite. So only invite people you don’t want to come

What do you mean you "feel" a bit second tier? You ARE second tier.

I don't mean that unkindly btw - just justifying why you feel that way.

I agree, it's very mean.
Surely better to spend more on the actual event and bin off the evening part? Especially as it's abroad.

It’s not reasonable at all to have just evening guests with all those restraints due to the location!

I don’t think they would realistically expect anyone to come along to their evening party when it’s mid week and in another country. It’s bonkers! I’d see those invited as just being done out of a misplaced sense of politeness for those they feel guilty about not asking the actual wedding.

I got married on a Saturday about 45mins from where I live. I told my work colleagues that they would be welcome to come for the evening party. I’d only been working with them for six weeks. I would have been genuinely happy of any of them had come along, but I didn’t actually expect them to because I was in a different time and they barely knew me.
Im sorry OP, you must feel hurt by this if you thought you were close.

Personally, I wouldn't travel 200/300 miles for a evening do.

We totally paid for our own wedding, so that to choose one couple each in the way of friends. We did have an evening do though, so invited the rest of our friends, neighbours from where I grew up (I got on very well with them) and colleagues. We could only invite one couple from our Aunties and Uncles on each side - decided partly against inviting others as we weren't overly fussed anyway, but taking into account travel distance for just an evening do.

No, because you could just drive to Gretna without worrying about passports and the inevitable queues at entry and customs.

For a destination wedding evening invitations are particularly inappropriate and unworkable.

As others have said, evening invitations are for people you don't mind if they show up or not. And they also need to be fairly local, no more than an hour away so they can literally just come for the evening IF they fancy. I'd say evening invitees might typically include workmates, neighbours, parents friends who aren't particularly close to the newlyweds in their own right.

Inviting your "Bestie" to the evening only, in another country, on a Tuesday, when 60 other people havemade the cut is just rude!

I wouldn’t attend an evening guest invitation under these circumstances. Any kind of travel and it’s a full invite or nothing - very rude. Evening guest invitations are for local people that are able to pop down for the party. It stems from when you would be more likely to get married in your local church and reception in a nearby hotel or village hall and you can invite your neighbours, parents friends and colleagues to the evening. It’s not for weddings 300 miles away.

I got married 300 miles away from where we live and didn't invite anyone for the evening - way too far for just the evening. Nor would l attend such a wedding.

Criteria would be

1. local (at least within a hour or so)
2. depends on size of wedding - even close friends and family could be evening only if having a tiny wedding
3. If an average wedding then colleagues, hobby group friends, wider family, neighbours

I don’t think destination wedding and evening only invitations really go together, but I also don’t think destination weddings (destination not where anyone is from or currently lives) are the best idea if you actually expect people to attend under normal circumstances. Seems very demanding of your guests time and money.

I’d only go to an evening do if it was within reasonable travelling distance, certainly not in a different country!

At the end of the day if you’re on the evening only list you’re not that close and therefore the bride won’t be too gutted you’re not there.

I agree, I'm always amazed at some people's idea of hosting an event!

Tbh I wouldn't go if it was that far away, and on a Tuesday. Not just for the evening do anyway. I think it's actually really rude expecting people to. I know it's not a summons, but a lot of people find it difficult to say no to a wedding, and end up severely out of pocket.

Maybe they know that nobody will go for the evening do, and it’s just a gift grab?

That’s 12 hours driving, 6 hours each way
November when the days are short/weather variable
2 nights in a hotel
For an evening event
(I don’t think I could say “yes” to that)