Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

[MyLusciousEx]

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List.

Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday.

60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles.

Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

I would not expect someone to travel from Kent to Gretna Green for an evening party!

I never go to evening only invites. If I was close to the person and the day was immediate family only then I might consider it, but otherwise no.

The French location is irrelevant, the couple are expecting way too much choosing a mid week date, and evening only invites. People have their own lives.

Just decline, she clearly doesn’t value the friendship as much as you thought or should would have invited you to the whole thing. Even then it would be 4 days of annual leave, hotel and transport costs, on top of normal wedding costs. It is way too demanding. I would expect most guests to decline.

An evening invite feels more to me like an invite to boost numbers or for people they feel they should invite. Unless they’ve had a really small wedding. However, I don’t get why someone would expect people to make such a long journey for such an invite. If I was getting married that far away I’d keep it small & intimate and then have a party if that’s what they want when they come back

I wouldn’t care how close we were. I wouldn’t travel that far for an evening invite. Either invite to all of it or don’t.

All the way to France for an evening do? No way.

I think the French element suddenly improves the invite! Assuming it’s me and DH, the kids are sorted with grandparents, and IF I had enough annual leave, I’d turn that into a few days away for us, with the wedding being one part of it. The fact it’s a short party is even better as most weddings are pretty dull!

Bit tacky doing evening only invites to a wedding 300 miles away and on a Tuesday night.

If you are expecting someone to travel that distance and pay for an overnight stay they really should be invited all day. It's just tacky to invite in this context.

So if I'm right, you're asking if people would travel 300 miles on a Tuesday evening to attend the evening do? No transport links and an isolated venue.

If that's correct, it's a hard no from me

300 miles for an evening invite. No.
It's too far.

I agree. It really depends whether the OP wants to spend a few days in France and also pop into a wedding.

I wouldn’t be inviting anyone to evening only that requires overnight accommodation. If they are close enough to be invited such a distance it should be for the whole thing, or just not at all.

I don’t get the hatred for wedding evening only invites on MN I’ happy to attend hobby friends or work colleagues evenings with or without a plus one, it’s a nice party amongst friends what’s not to like.
Would I travel to another country for an evening only invite on a Tuesday not a chance, doesn’t matter who they are to me.

Evening invitations work when it's a local wedding. I've been along to evening weddings with my husband when it's one of his team mates from his sport and the numbers just get crazy if the whole team's there for the whole day.

Colleagues too, I'm not their family or a life long friend but an evening do for a party is fine. When it's local we're not paying for a hotel or lots of travel and we can usually get a lift from family and easy babysitting.

I have been invited to the evening do of weddings further away. One was a college friend and I misread the invitation because I'd not long had a baby, I thought we were going to the day as it was two and a half hours drive away from us and we had a very young baby who was also invited. We went to the wedding ceremony at the church, then turned up at the hotel reception to discover we were only invited to the evening. I was breastfeeding so not drinking and had intended to drive us home after the first dance. We ditched the evening do and went for a nice pub lunch in our fancy wedding clothes before driving home again.

The other was two and a half hours away in the other direction. We had other couple friends who were also invited to just the evening so decided to make a weekend trip out of it, split the cost of a shared cottage and made the most of it. It was bloody weird though turning up to a celebration half way through and we'd not have gone if we'd not had the shared place with friends (we went for a pub lunch, a few drinks, and a walk around the village in the day time).

On a Tuesday though? Pfft. Absolutely no way. What a buzz kill. And over twice as far away as one of the weddings I mentioned above? Not on your nelly.

Midweek is pants even if it's local and all day. I get the budget saving and a Thursday I could make work. Wednesday at a push. Tuesday? That is not a day of celebrations. It's for pancakes and Holby City (RIP) and not much else.

Honestly, I doubt they really expect most of the evening only invitees to accept. It's a courtesy invite. They know it's a PITA but at least they can say it was offered.

It's a strange thing to do. Easier to not bother, just say we are having a destination wedding abroad so keeping it small. Or do an evening party on a weekend when they get home.

We had evening only guests but (a) the venue was 150m, that’s metres, from my front door (b) we picked up the drinks and (c) everyone was invited to the actual wedding (church), anyone not at the sit down meal could eat elsewhere in the venue or go home if they had been at the church

I've been to evening only abroad, as a plus one, same sex friend, twice. However it was in a holiday destination I like, once Cyprus and I was happy to spend the day snorkeling and we all made a wider holiday out of it. Second was Poland, easy flight, heavy drinking the evening before, so happy to have a lazy day and then go to a glorified party. I wouldn't go to a isolated venue, unless I could share a taxi home, or another time, we hired a minibus. But that was only 70 miles away, across England. It would have to be a well established friendship group, or close family.

My evening intives were, wider family, work colleagues, neighbours, but to a city center location that does a good buffet and reasonable bar prices.

I really don’t understand mid week weddings. Yes the bridal couple are saving money but it’s clearly at the expense of their guests! Both their enjoyment and the issue of using someone else’ annual leave without much thought.

It always feels a bit odd trying to party on a Tuesday or whatever. Fridays are not too bad, but then if the wedding is miles away - you still need 2 days AL for that too. For many people annual leave is more precious than anything else.

Maybe she doesn't want her brother to have an ex there all through the romantic parts of the day, could be awkward honestly.

I'd only invite local guests to a night do (unless they were part of group where some lived nearby, but I'd qualify the invite with an acknowledgment about the distance and make it clear that I wouldn't be offended if they didn't fancy making the trip).

I would only attend an evening if it was local. We only invited evening guests who were local (family we don't really see, colleagues).

It sounds like she doesn't want you there but doesn't want to say that, so inviting you to the evening only knowing you won't travel to France just for an evening!

We only invited local people to our evening do - work friends, sports team mainly. Close friends and family to the day.

I think it's understandable they are having a small wedding if abroad but it's quite odd to do evening invites to a foreign wedding.

It seems a shame you aren't invited to the day celebrations.

I don’t mind evening invites but wouldn’t travel a long way for one unless I could make a longer trip out of it.

I gave some casual ‘pop in for a drink’ invites to friends of friends etc

If she’s calling you her bestie that’s weird. Is there a new partner for her brother she doesn’t want to offend by you being there all day?

just because YOU have weekends off, doesn't mean everyone is the same.

For many people, mid-week weddings are easier, much cheaper to travel and to stay overnight.

If your annual leave is that precious, just decline? Many of us wouldn't necessarily want to get up early Saturday, drive all morning, then drive home again Sunday afternoon, with no spare time at all, to go back to work on Monday anyway

I find it much easier to leave my kids to my DH during the week, they mostly only have one place to be during the day, and we find friends for clubs. Weekends everyone is doing different things at different times in different places, it's just about manageable but a nightmare to keep on top.