Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

[MyLusciousEx]

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List.

Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday.

60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles.

Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

Assuming the wedding is near where the couple live, evening guests should be people who live locally like colleagues and neighbours.

You can't expect people to travel a long distance for a buffet.

sorry if this is hurtful but

1. she isnt your bestie and you arent hers
2. she is inviting you because you know about the wedding and she feels she has to
3. she is hoping you say no sorry its too far, she can then say oh what a shame we really wanted you to be part of it, you can shrug and she thinks that when she comes back to the uk its all going to be as before.
4. her brother has pressured either to invite you or to not invite you and this is her compromise.

Its a shame that she has done this because with no invitation she could say look its close family only for the whole day and you would probably have felt a lot better about that.

No one travels 300+ miles for a cold sausage roll, a bit of a salad and a couple of hours on the dance floor. you wont even get to chat to her that much.

Politely decline and decide if you want to still be friends or not when she gets back married.

who says anyone is expected to do anything?

I am puzzled why people take things so personally. You don't want to go, then.. don't go?

Other people might think it's a great idea to spend a long weekend in France and pop in the evening to the wedding, others will just decline. Who cares?

I can't believe someone can be so aggravated by an invitation. Of course it was polite to send one. Most people don't make as much drama as you?

We only had about 30 to the day, our mums, brother in law and partner, 6 aunts/uncles and the rest friends. If we'd invited all the aunts and uncles to the day there would have been no space for friends. We invited all the aunts, uncles and cousins and their families to the evening do with the rest of our friends and work colleagues. Also 'new' partners of day guests. Some relatives didn't come because they didn't get invited to the whole day but that was fine. I have seen them since, they came to my mums funeral, no one bore a grudge. I wanted my close friends there for the ceremony, not people I hardly ever see. Some would have only had family and best friends and then everyone else to the evening do.

In your case, I wouldn't go to another country for an evening do, in fact I would have to be incredibly close to the bride or groom to go to another country for the whole wedding. I am surprised so many guests are going unless they live there. Most people who get married abroad have a small do and then a big party when they get home.

@MyLusciousEx given your user name, would it be awkward to invite you to her wedding in order to protect her brother from you as he's almost definitely invited.

Most people would not go to an evening invite that's 300miles away, that's bonkers. The people I invited to my evening were friends, cousins, colleagues and some friends of my parents (the cousins I'm friends with and my close friend's who I see regularly came to the whole day and immediate family plus aunts and uncles). My evening doo was about 30 to 45mins away drive for probably everyone invited to the evening part (& for most of the day invitees too). I would decline the invite OP. That is far too big an ask and expensive even if you were invited to the whole day.

I think the France issue has sullied the thinking a bit.

We're all in Kent so it's not a major issue

It'd be like someone from Oxford travelling to Gretna Green for example?

60 guests is 30 each. That probably doesn’t cover much more than immediate and very close family, especially if kids are invited. I can see why you might be upset, but in a way it makes your decision easier. There’s no way on the planet I’d travel to rural France for a night do. I would only attend an evening reception if it was in the same town or easy taxi distance, and I knew other people going. It’s basically just a disco with cake.

I only invited people local enough to get a taxi home to my wedding evening do. I wouldn’t expect anyone to shell out for a hotel!

I know MN hates evening guests but they got a free bar and fed wood fired pizzas and cake so I’m sure they didn’t mind too much.

Not what you're asking, but to manage expectations (if you’re the bride), like fuck would I travel 300 miles and pay for a hotel, for an evening reception. Especially as the location isn't a 'home' location for either of the couple.

Why are you feeling second best when you say you’re really close, the bride calls you Bestie and there are few people invitted? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

The only time I've been an evening guest is when myself or my husband was a colleague of the bride or groom and the wedding was local.

But it’s still 300 miles away, so hardly a hop and skip?

Would you get the ferry or Eurotunnel?

Haven't read the full thread, but our evening list consisted of work friends, friends parents that we know well, newly made friends that we weren't able to invite to the day due to numbers/ places already filled - so later additions who had we known them sooner may have gone on the day list.
All people we knew well and got on with well, but wouldn't class a "close" friend.

Our day guest list was close friends and family. It depends on numbers and the cost I'd say though. My DH was once invited to a wedding without me for some close friends, but they had a really small wedding as they wanted an intimate venue and had not known me for as long. I think the criteria can depend on lots of things for different people.

It would be people I'm not super close with I guess. I wouldn't say distant cousins, but those I'm not so enmeshed with as I've 30ish of them.

I wouldn't even think of attending an evening do under these circumstances. I'd probably send a nice gift, tell them you hope they have a great day and make my excuses.

Reading your post, could your ex or your ex in laws have asked for you not to come to the wedding?

If the wedding is far away, I would not have evening guests.
Evening guests are usually colleagues. I don't tend to go as an evening guest (unless it's a colleague).
If you have evening guests, you need a substantial buffet and enough seating (a given, you'd think)!

I would assume, as it’s in a different country, only those invited to the wedding would be invited to the evening do.

If you truly are her best friend then I would be miffed that I hadn’t been invited.

Either they have a very large family or you’re not as close as you think you are.

I read this as 600 people attending the day!

If it is just 60 that’s quite small and I understand why she might not wish to invite you to the whole thing, especially if your ex has a new partner.

I would politely decline unless you really want to go.

Exactly. Unless they are resident in France,they cannot legally get married in France. It's basically just a party.

I got married in a small local registry office with a limit of 25 guests able to attend the ceremony. So the people attending the sit down meal afterwards in a nearby venue were those who I had invited to the ceremony. Close family and close friends basically.

I then had a buffet in the evening in the same venue to which I invited everyone else - wider family and friends, work colleagues etc.

I wouldn't travel 300 miles to for an evening only invitation on a Saturday, let alone a work day as that would involve 2 days off work and an overnight stay.

Edited to say:-

France!!! Evening only invitation and it's in France??

It's a "non pour moi"

If I were invited to an evening wedding event 300 miles away mid-week, I wouldn't go. That's two days off work, travel, a hotel somewhere and a whole lot of hassle for me personally.

I'd get a nice gift and invite the person and their new spouse over or take them out for meal. I'd want to wish them well and recognise the significance of this special moment in their life, but not at such a huge expense of time and effort to me.

300 miles on a Tuesday - just for an evening reception would be a flat no from me, regardless. Two days of annual leave would be wasted, on what I consider a second tier invite and we wouldn’t even consider it.

In terms of evening invites generally it is colleagues, friends that are not close, extended family possibly and neighbours etc.

Evening invitations in other countries shouldn't be a thing.

I wouldn't drive 300 miles for a bit of cold pizza and a disco