Evening Guests? Is this reasonable

[MyLusciousEx]

Could you help me with a list of what type of connection you have with the bride and/or groom to pop you on the Evening Invitee List.

Wedding is mid November - 300 miles (no location connection to couple) away and on a Tuesday.

60ish people invited to the day, about the same again to the evening. Plenty of room at the venue though it's pricey. Very few taxis available to a more reasonable lodgings - and I thonk closest are 15+ miles.

Abd yes I know it's not a Summons 😉

Exactly. I wouldn’t be going. And sorry, but fyi you are not besties.

As a general rule, I'd say that an evening invite is only really sensible for someone who is local enough that they genuinely only spend the evening on it.

That is probably why she had to send at least an invitation, because of people professionally offended who must be made to feel they are the centre of the world.

An evening invitation is a polite thing. Your brother's ex does not really belong in your wedding, it's a bit awkward

Up to you of course, but id decline and wish her all the best. No'one is going to travel abroad for the evening event. 60 people would really be a small family wedding.

Were other mutual friends asked?

If your wedding is 300 miles away, then it's not reasonable to ask anyone to the evening only (unless they just happen to be local to the area where the wedding is). You really can't expect anyone to travel that far for an evening only do.

This is why we didn't do evening only. You were on the list or not. None of this two tier/ two class of guests!

I wouldn’t go to a wedding on a Tuesday in France as an evening guest. I’d say that I’d like to take her out to dinner when she’s back to celebrate.

As others have said, an evening invitation to a destination wedding is silly. I wouldn't go, certainly, and I don't think many people would.

That said, I can kind of understand why, despite being her 'bestie', she might put you on the evening list. You are, after all, her ex's family. I don't know the ins and outs of those relationships, but I can understand that she might feel an invitation for the evening only would be appropriate. And it would have been, if the wedding was 20 minutes away. But it's not. So it's daft.

Entirely depends on circumstances. Personally, if I liked them and had enough notice, I'd make a little holiday out of it.

Polite? To issue an invite which will involve considerable cost and time for a few drinks and not even to the wedding itself?

If it were down the road then “please come for the evening” is one thing, expecting people to travel abroad and not even attend the wedding is just mad. If they didn’t want her there there was no reason to invite - perfect excuse of small wedding abroad to avoid anyone they did not really want to invite.

She feels as if she has to invite you but she is quite possibly banking on you not going and I should imagine that’s down to the ex thing. Perhaps your ex has asked her not to force her/him into spending multiple days with you, particularly if new partners are involved.

I would accept my place in the pecking order and politely decline.

I'd think you're not as close as you thought you were and your ex is bringing someone.

I can’t believe evening only guests are a thing if the wedding is abroad! That’s outrageous imo

An evening-only invite to a wedding abroad is madness 😂 I'd be assuming the couple didn't want me to come so were making it especially difficult.

She's not your bestie. Unless all the main guests are family and no friends are invited except bridesmaids. Maybe she doesn't want to make things awkward for her brother having you there, does he have a new partner? I don't think she can expect you to go to another country just for an evening, can she?

Our priorities were as follows;

Day
1 Friends
2 Immediate Family (parents/grandparents/siblings)
3 Family we had a genuine relationship with (had seen socially within the last 2 years)
Evening
4 Work Colleagues
5 Neighbours
6 Family we hadn't seen in last 2 years (inc Aunts/Uncles/Cousins/etc)

I don't see what you're asking as being reasonable/unreasonable - end of the day it's your wedding, invite who you want!

She has to invite you as you're close but its awkward your ex will be there I'm assuming ?

Don't go, I think that's what she's angling for.

I don't know why everyone gets so uptight about evening only invites.

The way I see it, you can only have X number during the day. You may have more than X friends, but still want to extend the invite to your friends/family. Hence evening invites.

When I got married, my partner and I both had large immediate families which took up 45 day spaces. By this logic, we'd have 15 places left for friends, which is about 7 people per partner.

People would be WAY more up in arms if they did not receive an invite at all.

Then it would be 'AIBU to be annoyed at not being invited to this wedding because we were flatmates in uni but not super close now'?

you lost me at 300miles away on a Tuesday to go to an evening do. It's a solid no from me, I wouldn't even looked at the price of accommodation before I declined!

It might not just be distant cousins, it could be all cousins. Depending on how big an immediate family and friends circle both sides have, first cousins may get relegated to the evening do. Especially if they are not especially close.

I'd say evening do would be extended family (depending on overall numbers and budget) neighbours, old friends or more casual friends who are not in your regular social circle. Colleagues, apart from a handful who might come under the category of good friend as well. Sports team mates and hobby mates. Friends of B&G's parents who've known them most of their lives but are not regular fixtures in the B&G's lives. Maybe partners of some of the daytime invitees who didn't make the cut to the whole day but are welcome to join their partner in the evening.

If parents are paying then lots of the happy couples friends will be relegated to make way for the parents' friends.
If parents are chipping in then a few more of their friends will be invited for the evening than the ones that the happy couple actually want there.
If the happy couple are paying for the whole thing then they want to invite everybody but just can't afford it.

Even if she loves you - it's going to be super weird for your ex that you're there at her wedding, isn't it.

Exactly.

I understand having wedding guests (colleagues/acquaintances) if the wedding is held in the same town or not far from everyone lives. I would not expect people to travel 300 miles (and obviously have to stay over) for an evening do.
There is no chance I would accept such an invite.

We had close friends and family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins) to the day. Evening invites were colleagues, my husband's masonic brothers, less close but still special friends. We would be unlikely to travel that far just for an evening do unless we really cared about the hosts. The furthest travellers we had were my husbands cousins from Scotland but they were invited to the whole day.

Is the Ex the same one referred to in your username?

He’s bringing someone.