AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

In no way is it normal for someone other than the owner of the work laptop to shut down a work laptop top.

oP did he know you were keeping it running for a reason - because if he did that’s even worse.

id never ever dream of shutting down someone else’s work laptop

I don't shut my laptop down, it goes on standby when I close it and wakes up again when I open it, and everything is still there, although nothing as important as what OP has.

Your DH is an arsebiscuit.

As I understand it, OP isn't talking about e.g. documents that she's written that aren't saved, it's more like all the windows she had open that now aren't. So links to reference documents, the Zoom link or other emails or information that she was in the middle of reading that's now been lost. OP had no reason to bookmark or make a list of these things because she didn't know her DH was going to be "helpful". Now she has to try to remember all the things she was looking at and refind the links. In addition, any updates that would have been performed overnight now can't have been.

It's more like the equivalent of if someone had a large textbook full of sticky post its and bookmarks and you decided to remove them all to make it "tidy", rather than that you'd thrown the book out. The information is still there but there's still work "lost" because of the time needed to organise it.

Life gets much harder when you have to remember not only to ask someone to do something but also somehow come up with a list of things to remember to ask them NOT to do.

You have no idea what OP’s arrangements are for working remotely or childcare. When my daughter was young, I could easily do both.

Estimate 14,000 house fires in the U.K. annually from household appliances. Around 1,700 from LI batteries. None of these come from leaving a laptop plugged in to it’s factory supplied charger.

You can Google it to learn more.

usually on a laptop i changed the power settings so when you close the lid it puts it to sleep or hibernates both of those mean in seconds its up and running rather than waiting and updating etc

not sure on every computer but if the tabs are shut off eg internet explorer it can be set to reopen all closed tabs

or unless its private browsing they should be in the history setting on most browsers

Thank you for fully getting me! Some of the comments are wild but I guess you expect that when venting to the internet! This was exactly the point.

Special thanks to those telling me to be better at time management, I had oddly enough allowed the time I needed plus a little extra for a buffer but did not expect a fully shit down computer.

also some mad comments ref updates. Again thanks for the supportive posts. I work for a global company and have ZERO control over them, can’t snooze can’t avoid hence not wanting to turn it off.

also to address the comments about him saying he wants to divorce. Again some a bit ott and harsh. I clearly am bothered hence asking a load of strangers for options before dealing with this tonight. Yes he says it in anger regularly. No it’s never happened (22 years)

think he might be a bit put out by it, to add he has done the exact same course about 10 years ago so is aware of it and the pressure hence why I am so mad because he should have a better understanding.

also just for those worried, I have high school age kids who can to a point fend for themselves. I’m not leaving little kids.

Thanks to those who supported, unkind people perhaps think before posting some harsh stuff. People who work and juggle professional careers and kids get stressed sometimes we are all human.

That escalated a lot but my ex also told me he was living over a similar argument he was clearly just looking for an out (and I was 8 months pregnant so he needed to find a way for it to be my fault so he wasn’t the bad guy)

That's a hell of a last line... I'd have gone with a different headline.

Neither of us would ever touch a work laptop. It’s against company policy.

we also wouldn’t touch a personal laptop. Either one of us might have something long running and will have left it up and going on purpose.

This is bizarre behavior on his part at all steps.

Must be some other earth.

it is not normal to turn off someone’s laptop when they are doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges.

Just because you and your DH do it doesn’t make it normal.

@VividOliveBee this all royally sucks and YANBU at all. Hopefully you were able to log into and attend your course today?

Him threatening divorce constantly is BS too. What line of thought is he taking this evening? I hope he’s apologized. Sending you less stress your way. 💐

"Reopen All Windows From Last Session'
'Schedule updates'
Much ado about nothing.

That wouldn’t begin to cut it if someone had shut down my work computer when I had a lot going on. 😂

Leaving a laptop on all night is a fire hazard …

As someone who has a work laptop that sometimes has to undergo long and annoying updates that can take hours, I can understand leaving it on overnight. My work strongly prefer us to completely I’lllog off every night but occasionally it’s not practical.
I very much doubt it would have made a massive difference to your electric bill or anything, but is he someone who likes everything switched off at night?
My husband would never touch my laptop. He might say to me ‘did you mean to leave that on’ but I’d explain and that would be it.
Had the screen gone to sleep and maybe he thought it was off and closed it over?
Does he have form for controlling behaviour? Or is it possible you grossly overreacted to a fairly innocent mistake?
Difficult to comment without more context OP.
Seems a huge leap to ask for a divorce.

'Read OP's posts'

Do you live in the 1960s?

I would serve the papers first, pal. Your mans a gobshyte

Did he shut the lid or close all the programs m, log you off/shut the machine down with the power button ?

He shouldn’t be touching your laptop either way, but how it was done would determine how royally pissed off id be.

I would give him his divorce. Sounds like a lot more going on than a laptop. I hope you’re ok this evening.

Nope, the real world … happened to my colleague, luckily he was awake and smelt burning!
We are told in no uncertain terms to turn off our laptops at night!

I don’t understand the inability to save work at the end of the day? It seems a really bad setup by whoever this is. If it’s a system update surely you have control to say update now or later?

Do you think that the people running the course expect everyone to keep there laptop on constantly to be able to complete the course?
Seems a bit extreme