AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

It's just work. It doesn't need to be even thought of outside of your work hours.

Nobody shuts down someone else's open work laptop without checking that the work has been saved, especially when they know it's important.

I think your marriage is done. Your husband deliberately tried to sabotage your coursework and he's asked you for a divorce. Trying to sabotage a course that can lead to increased work opportunity is controlling, so you might want to give him that divorce.

It is not controlling to turn off someone else’s laptop because you, likely innocently, thought that they were done or had forgotten to do so.

Shutting someone else's work laptop down is 💯 % not normal. Neither I nor my DH would ever do it as we might be interrupting ongoing work.

It's a work laptop. And yes, it's controlling unless you ask first if they're done and they are. If you're disrupting their work, that certainly can fall under controlling behaviour.

You can google it if you want to learn more. A laptop has a lithium-ion battery, which poses a small fire risk and best practice is to not leave them plugged in, unsupervised, for long periods.

A fridge is designed to be constantly plugged in (although equally requires checking). As OP is on Mumsnet I can only assume she regularly dusts behind her fridge.

You would turn off someone else's work computer??

Bloody hell.

If your partner had left work documents out, would you 'tidy them up'?

Its interfering and unnecessary. You could just ask them to do it if it bothered you.

My point was that an overnight update which was prevented from running will run when you turn the laptop on.

But why wouldn't you just say 'hey, did you mean to leave that on? ' , rather than deciding you know best and shutting it down?

Whether or not it should be left on is not the issue. Fiddling about with someone else's stuff is.

You don't like each other any more, let alone love each other. Time to give up.

Yeah this story doesn’t really track.

1. Why didn’t you save your work? Especially given its apparent importance
2. Most things autosave these days and are recoverable. Can’t remember the last time I lost work because I forgot to save it.
3. Communicate. Given its importance surely you would have said to DH “Please dont close/shut down my laptop as there is a lot of important stuff on there I don’t want to lose”. Which to be fair if my partner had said this to me my first response would be see point (1) Why not save it if it’s so important?

Why not just let someone else's work laptop be? That's as basic as it gets.

You shouldn't have to tell someone to not mess with your work computer when they know you're doing a course that:s very important to you.

He shouldn’t have turned it off but good practice is to save work at intervals during the day and log off when you are moving away from the laptop. If you allowed it to log you out automatically it may not autosave.

What planet are you on?

I personally wouldn't touch another person's work laptop. But I would also save my work and remind others not to shut it off on a regular basis if it was such a catastrophe if they were to do so.

The divorce comment can't have come from this squabble alone?

I agree with you that it’s odd to turn off someone else’s work laptop and that he should have asked.

My issue is with trying to suggest that this is controlling or abusive behaviour from a partner and to encourage divorce when there’s simply not enough information to suggest that in the OP

sure, don't know why you are making this point to me though, I've never disputed this!

Exactly

Earth.

My DH shuts down my computer in the evening if I have forgotten. We turn PCs off at night.

You said leaving it on overnight wouldn't help, but it would help if the update ran overnight and that was the entirety of my point, with which you disagreed.

Mon dieu!

Different people, different ways...

Some people dont turn off devices at night and some people do. We do. Others don't

The point is it is not a malicious thing to do.

It’s up to you if you leave it on. He overstepped and threatening divorce is awful.

Divorce itself as an idea, however, might be a good one. He sounds like a knob.

You have my sympathy. Contact providers and state there’s been a hardware malfunction. If the course offers any IT support use it , if not seek IT support so your laptop isn’t playing you up. Complete the course and get qualified. Ignore huffing and puffing from DH for now. Further your career and get shot of the interference either by putting him in his place or divorce.

he has a point re the laptop. Its not good for them to be on so long & plugged in battery wise & its expensive on electric. So you are being unreasonable

you are also being unreasonable working & looking after children at the same time, esp if they are younger.

but the laptop is not why your husband wants a divorce its just a symptom of your marital problems

You don't seem bothered about him asking for a divorce