AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

Once you complete this qualification, will you be more senior/financially successful than him?

I don’t believe for a second that this was about saving a few pence of electricity.

DH and I wouldn't think to touch each others laptops. If his was open and on charge I'd presume it was for a good reason.

Seriously would anyone here who is defending the husband for turning off the laptop ever dream of turning off a colleagues computer in an office if they’d left it running ‘to save electricity’?

I’m going to assume the OP is now busy doing her course and not expect many posts from her for a while.

Isn't it better to just have your laptop go into sleep mode anyway, rather than shutting it off and on all the time?

Shutting down your own laptop is normal. Shutting down someone else’s work laptop is not normal at all. Especially as he would have had some idea of her work schedule and why she leaves it on.

I wouldn’t dream of shutting down my dh work laptop, I don’t go near it if I can help it.
My work laptop is sometimes left on and dh asks me do I need it on.
We don’t go around interfering in each others work

In that case, did you ask him to leave your laptop and don't touch it because of these reasons? Because if it can affect your career, it would be your respinsability to warn him and make it clear? Did you warn him and he still did it? That would be a different story...but anyway such a minor thing to go mad or divorce!

Hard no. My partner would absolutely never do that. I mean, how is it even considered helpful???

If that's your only reason for leaving the laptop on, surely it's easily remedied. Normally you will have had a warning about an update when you shut down at night, so download the update then and switch on early in the morning in case of any issues..

My DH wouldn't leave his work laptop on at night so if it was on, I'd assume it was a mistake and shut it down.

It's not a malicious act.

But again, not an issue when people save their work as you always should.

That's irrelevant. There is clearly more to this story.

Is he deliberately sabotaging you?
This is a thing. If he is worried you will be better qualified, possibly upsetting the balance in the relationship?
Is he worried you will be more independent, a better catch, meet interesting people? Anything like that.

My ex was just about ok when I was a dinner lady among kids and women, when I went to work in a shop it unleashed a storm of sabotage.

I’d take him up on it (the divorce).

He shouldn't have done it, but surely the more pressing issue is that he's told you he wants to divorce?

Or maybe he’s just fed up of things being left on all the time…

Online proctored exams are strict - I did one recently where I had to log in 30 mins before so I could join the queue to have the room/desk/computer checked out before I was allowed into the exam (I had already done a pre-exam check on the laptop and shut down everything but the exam software). I had to show the proctor the (empty - no uncovered windows/whiteboards/posters/other people) room and empty desk or they wouldn't have let me take the exam.

I'd logged in the required 30 mins early, and got into the exam exactly on time - an update at the wrong moment could absolutely have scuppered me (and my IT support is on the other side of the world - they have been known to schedule updates in the middle of the night their time, forgetting that for some of us that's the middle of the afternoon)

So it's not farfetched at all...

Mind you, I have a mac, so shutting the lid would have been fine.

This doesn’t make sense to me. How is getting an update going to stop you getting entry to a Zoom and then make you fail your entire course? If the laptop is shut down, the update wont happen, and then when you turn the machine on , there will be a prompt to ask if you want to update now or later. And you could get admittance to the Zoom late, or get a recording .. And surely you save your work as a matter of course, even if you are only walking away for a few minutes..
It sounds like a major overreaction on your part.
Obviously it’s better for him not to touch your laptop, but sounds like you are making a major deal over something that is just a bit annoying. There’s obviously other stuff going on here, this sounds like last straw issue , possibly for both of you. What else is happening, OP? Do you want to talk about it? Do you think he did it on purpose to upset you, is it part of a series of actions to undrermine you?

You need to learn how to use your laptop, or get a MacBook which don't push the relentless updates that windows ones do. That said, he shouldn't have turned it off. That's insane. I would never touch anyone else's computer and if anyone touched mine, I'd be furious. It's often doing things that can't be seen.

everything else aside, it’s not about saving stuff. I completely get it. I have lots of links and pages open and before you say you can favourite them, no they are sites that require log ins and even if they laptop locks (which it will) those pages remain when I log back in. Also certain spreadsheets which may be needed would be ready and open.
I understand the stress OP.

Does he often threaten divorce and that’s why you’ve completely ignored that aspect of the conversation?!
I think you may have bigger problems than the closing of the laptop, which is frustrating. Isn’t there an option of saving it as you go rather then leaving it on overnight?
If you’re with someone who threatens divorce over seemingly minor things then I wouldn’t be hanging around, if you’re more bothered about the work then the thought of divorce I’m not sure the relationship is working for either of you

You have more than a laptop problem. Do you even like each other at this point?

But for future reference if the work is really important you really should be saving and backing up these documents regularly. Goes for any kind of documents/photos really that mean anything to you.

Save any important links as bookmarks or quick access tabs on your laptop so they're easy enough to access for next time. You can also schedule PC updates.

No.

It's not normal.

You dont touch other people's electronics unless asked. ESPECIALLY work ones!

You shouldn't be leaving your laptop on all the time. He shouldn't be randomly turning it off.

What's actually going on in this relationship?

It's not normal to shut a lap top with out checking with laptop owner first.

No he didn’t. You don’t shut down someone else’s computer “as a favour”.

You wouldn't say
"Hey, did you mean to leave this on. Will I close it down for you?"

Like a reason able person?

You do leave it on if it is running something. My husband works in IT, his laptop frequently is left running when he is testing things. I’d shut it down on pain of death.