AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

It's not her responsibility to tell an idiot man child not to touch a work computer he has no idea about. That's a given.

It's his responsibility to leave it alone or ask first.

Don't assume.
Ask.

i would not touch someone else's work laptop.
sounds like he is resentful of OPs job.

I'll be honest, I'm baffled. You're more upset that he shut your laptop than him telling you he wants a divorce?

Errr, come on op, there is waaaay more going on here than a laptop. Sounds like you need a lawyer.

Give him his divorce with a speed that will make him dizzy.

Forget the laptop! He dropped the 'D-word' over a shut-down screen and walked out to work? That is a massive red flag. You two need to have a serious conversation the second he gets home tonight

Does your course eventually make you better qualified than him OP?
I had similar with my ex, he never wanted me to progress, get any qualifications etc

This.

Is this the tip of a very unpleasant iceberg?

I would never turn off my DHs work computer, or touch anything to do with work. His office set up is none of my business. If he left it switched on overnight I would assume that he had done so for a reason.

And to threaten divorce over it rather than just apologise?

As someone upthread said, take him at his word.

I WFH. My other half knows, without me even having to say, that my work laptop is off limits. We get updates where we’re asked to leave the laptop on overnight so stuff can be rolled out so on the odd occasion I’ve done this and if he switched it off I’d be cross.
His comment about divorce is really extreme. Does he usually threaten you with divorce when you challenge something he’s done? (Although I suppose it depends how you challenged him and what you mean when you said you went mad).

If you're talking about updates to a laptop - honestly how long and frequent can they actually be? If the updates affect your work, then complain to work.

You don't even think of touching someone else's work laptop. You just don't. Would he bounce into your work office and do the same and to everyone, not just you, because there'd genuinely be no difference? And I say that as someone in a household with no sense of privacy over personal devices, email accounts etc. Work is different.

Maybe that's why you're so unfazed by the divorce outburst, he's already carried out a major transgression.

My husband WFH 3 days per week and 2 days in the office. When he's at home, I don't touch his work laptop, let alone switch it off! The thought to turn the laptop off myself, wouldn't enter my head. If I thought he'd left it on by mistake, I say 'You know your work laptop is still on, don't you?'. If I saw it switched on, my first thought would be that there's a reason why the laptop is still on!

I think it's odd your husband touched your works laptop, let alone took it upon himself to turn it off. I find it even odder, that he never spoke to you prior to doing so.

More is going on here, in my opinion. Is your husband jealous of a potential promotion, on completion of your qualification? Do you currently out earn him? Could you potentially out earn him, with this new qualification? Is he controlling? It reads more like sabotage to me. The electricity usage is a pathetic excuse!

I honestly cannot believe anyone on this thread saying that if they saw someone else’s WORK laptop left on they’d shut it down without even asking them. Some people on MN will say anything to be contrary. How dare he touch your stuff? If he wants a divorce over this, then let him have one. He’s a twat to shut your laptop down and a twat to threaten divorce over it.

Well, yes. This is her future. He probably isn't.

He's deliberately trying to sabotage you @VividOliveBee. Is he threatened by your career progression?

I sometimes leave my laptop on for various reasons. IT hate it they always remind us it’s important to shut down every day so that any updates get pushed through. I always get teams message the day after asking me to reboot as soon as possible. But hey… maybe I’m just a rebel without a cause.

Anyway that’s irrelevant. Touching someone else’s laptop is weird, and worrying about electricity use is weird. I just googled it, laptops in sleep mode use about 5 watts, which is nothing. A fridge is about 50W, for comparison.

I’m not going to comment on the rest of your relationship as family is complicated, but based on this one isolated incident I’d say he’s being unreasonable, not you. And threatening divorce is never ok.

Shutting down someone else’s laptop is quite odd.

But did you explain all this to him? Before.

Not last thing at night if it is usually turned off.

My DH turns my computer off if I forget. Otherwise the fan runs all night.

There’s an ‘if’ in there. Turning off is the normal routine in your house, it’s not in the OPs or many others.

Why does she need to do that?

Did he know that, though? Ie did he knowingly shut the laptop down after you had explicitly told him that you needed it to be left on? If so, this is obviously about more than the lap top - of not, then you need to work on communication and that (given he asked for a divorce) may actually also mean this is about more than the laptop.