AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

sure the ff comment was more regarding the doom and gloom.

the way to deal with this if it's so critical, is to check everything is working in good time beforehand.

no need for DH to interfere obvs. but leaving the laptop on overnight isn't a guarantee at all that all will be well in the morning

I’d give him what he wants. Get the ball rolling on your divorce asap. When he comes home he’ll be a happy bunny won’t he. I wouldn’t be letting him threaten me with a divorce. You need to follow through

He wants a divorce, sounds like the laptop is the least of your worries.

Your husband has asked for a divorce? Then divorce him sounds like a loveless marriage and life is too short for this misery.

Yep...I wouldnt touch my other half work stuff AT ALL

Not if it were a laptop, ffs!

So that he doesn't turn it off.

Nah, he was doing it to make a point and he secretly hoped it would fuck things up for you. Is it about you bettering yourself, OP?

It is not normal to just go and shut someone else's laptop down, you have no idea what they're doing or running on it.

I rarely shut my laptop down, nobody in this household has ever turned it off to save a few pence.

He is a petulant prick, say yes to the divorce and you can have the house like Blackpool illuminations anytime you like 😎

You need to communicate! this sounds like something else is a bigger issue.

@VividOliveBee has this course been taking over your life for sometime and he’s just sick of hearing about it?

What update are your talking about that would make you late?

I think you may be spiralling, doing too much that you can’t mentally cope with and your H is taking the brunt of it with you acting irrationally. Be careful, some Hs will stick around until you come out the other side, others won’t.

Its unlikely to be within the OPs control to change their company's approach for updates, this is similar to my experience - accept that she may need to leave it on for updates overnight!

I had an interview for a promotion. Now ex-husband had my car and KNEW that I needed it to get to the interview. There was no real importance or urgency to him having my car (and he could have taken his). He brought my car back with only JUST enough time for me to get there, and with not enough petrol in it. I couldn’t drive his as wasn’t insured.

He did it DELIBERATELY as he knew I would be stressed and therefore wouldn’t get the job, so I wouldn’t earn more than he did. He took great delight in me earning less than him, and called it the “pocket money” (£30k?!).

OP - it sounds like your husband carried out a similar act. Nobody should be touching your work laptop without your permission. Laptops do NOT use much electricity and do NOT need to be shut down each night.

Divorce him.

Very strange that you have totally ignored the fact DH said he wants a divorce. Was this a joke? If yes, not funny at all and your marriage has issues. If no, your marriage is over. Either way it needs to be confronted.

....and this is ...is a description of a loving partnership???

OP isn't "spiralling" she's rightfully angry.

Spiralling and irrational say so much more about inbuilt misogyny

My work managed laptop has to run frequent organisational updates otherwise it goes on slow mode and behaves strangely. Sometimes it is so slow that things like Zoom meetings time out. Saving on electricity just requires turning off the plug so the charger isn’t on. Then the battery can continue to power the laptop for updates etc, so sounds like this is more about control and being petty than saving electric. Who on earth shuts down (as in closes all applications) on someone else’s computer without checking first? Theres also sleep mode. If did that I’d be apologizing not asking for divorce. Definitely something else going on.

Updates for software should not be a factor in your success or otherwise on the course 🤔

Shutting your own laptop down is normal.

Shutting someone else's laptop down is interfering.

If he was worried about electricity, he should have asked.

It sounds as if he is being spiteful, doesn't care or is sabotaging you.

"the way to deal with this if it's so critical, is to check everything is working in good time beforehand.

no need for DH to interfere obvs. but leaving the laptop on overnight isn't a guarantee at all that all will be well in the morning"

So...if part of the risk to being ready is that her company may do an overnight s/w update that OP can't defer, and you agree she should be checking everything beforehand, but she shouldn't leave the laptop on overnight...she logically needs instead to get up at least an hour early, to put the laptop one, just in case there's and update? Not sure why that's a better approach!?

Its true that leaving it on doesn't guarantee there won't be some other issue, but NOT leaving it on significantly increases the likelihood of one!

No it doesn't. If she's due to be logged on at 9 for example and turns on her computer at 850 and the computer then wants to do a massive update before it will let her log on she will miss the start of the course.

And if the course is mandatory then it is not at all for a fetch to think that she will be failed for not turning up on time.

He should not have touched her work laptop without talking to her.

True, its not fair, but life's not always fair, and unless the course is completely run internally by the same company as does the updates, they can't be making allowances for every issue that may stop an exam candidate from being ready on time. Its not completely fair, but these are issues we all have to deal with every day in work environments.

@VividOliveBee in contradiction to my other post, some people are just ‘thick-as-shit!’

My SIL switched off the plug charging her Hs phone at night as she was worried about the planet. Her H owns an APP and had a very important meeting in the morning to secure investment for his APP company. Zero charge in the phone to show his APP in the meeting. She kicked-off that he was being unreasonable and that he was ignorant to climate change. She stormed out the door and drove HER expensive NEW guzzling DIESEL SUV to work. 😂. Some people are ‘thick-as-shit!’ @VividOliveBee could your H be?

Why is he touching her work laptop? He should not be touching her work laptop.

Laptops don't use a great deal of electricity, and if you need it left on he should leave it alone, was it just a mistake and he didn't know you needed it left on? If he wants a divorce over that things must be really bad, or was he joking?

You obviously don’t touch someone else’s work laptop. At all. There’s no debate to be had here.

Hes also U to threaten divorce.

I think you might have gone mad because you’re under a ridiculous amount of pressure.

Who decided that you had to do this course from home “to save on childcare” whilst he can swan off to work.

I think you should look at paying for childcare if he won’t or can’t split 50:50. Trying to work with children knocking about the house unsupervised is not fair on anyone.

What a pair of drama llamas you both are