AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

[VividOliveBee]

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

Did he shut it down or just close it? If it’s just closed surely all the stuff would still be there?
Did you tell him how important it was and not to switch it off or presumed he knew? Seems like maybe you go crazy over the tiniest things for him to say about the divorce? Or he says this often over the tiniest things? Seems like a row which has opened up a can of worms

It can be a fire risk leaving a laptop plugged in overnight so I kind of think you’re unreasonable. But how hard would it have been for him to just ask you to turn it off yourself?

The tiniest thing being....progressing her career, passing a huge course to do so, her whole financial future?

Or, he could just not turn it off. He has no need to, he was not asked to, it is none of his business. I have never told anyone in my household not to touch my laptop because they know never to touch my laptop. Just as I know not to touch theirs.

No more of a risk than leaving your fridge, kettle, TV etc plugged in.

The system setting allow you to change what shutting the lid does. Mine does nothing, but the settings can be changed to say it goes into sleep, or hibernate or turns off.

You don't shut down other peoples laptops without checking first. Especially one that obviously has a load of work open on it.
Unacceptable.

Yeah buts it’s her responsibility to save her work tbf

I would never EVER shut down someone else's laptop.
He is being utterly unreasonable - he never should have touched your work laptop without checking with you first.
The threatening divorce thing can be used to keep someone in line, shut them down. Reading your posts and some of the responses I wonder if he resents you furthering your career and is trying to sabotage it.

Not a fire risk.
Do you turn your fridge off ?

Shutting down your own maybe, not someone else’s work laptop!

I know i should be shutting mine down overnight but i usually leave it on sleep and only shut down properly on the weekends.
I just need so many different documents and spreadsheets open it’s so much of a faff to close everything and re-open every morning

He's a disrespectful twat. I'd say yes to his divorce offer and wish him a pleasant life.

Don't. Touch. Other. People's. Personal. Stuff.

If he doesn't know that rule he really has been living in a bubble or under a rock.

We don't know what type of updates these are, likely cloud computing eg O365 do fairly regular updates, but the user is 9 times out of 10 able to select a time or time span eg outside working hours, in the next 1, 3, 5 hours. Where the update states This must be done now with no option to schedule it to a convenient time it's a one off, can be done quickly and then back on line and able to work.

I don't ever remember a time when there were so many updates that it takes hours away from work day after day. If done outside work hours or overnight, it's a simple case of "just so you know, my laptop is running an update so don't turn it off", definitely not the divorce courts! Or a postit note, don't touch this laptop!

As always, first post nails it.

Oh look op's husband has joined the thread 😁

No it isn't normal to switch a laptop off at night. I never switch mine off (it reboots itself occasionally, but it never gets switched off). I just leave it to go on standby / sleep. It doesn't use any electricity in that mode.

@VividOliveBee you should always lock your laptop (CTRL+ALT+DEL) when you go away from it for security reasons - you don't want to leave work-related information around for anyone to read - and in that mode it should look as if it's off anyway.

Oh and turning someone's computer off is absolutely NOT trivial. OP is quite justified in "going mad" over it.

You're focusing on the lap top but what's really going on? For example has he said he wants a divorce before and you know he doesn't really mean it because you're remarkably calm about this? Or is this the first time?

It sounds like he was sabotaging your work and qualification.

He sounds at the end of his tether.

My husband would never involve himself to shut down either my work or private laptop.
He'd leave it there or shove it out of the way if it was bothering him.
Id be very surprised if he shut it down... it wouldnt be 'normal' in our house.

Definitely not about the laptop.

I think you may want to look at why you are thinking more about that than the fact you've your husband has said he wants a divorce. You need a proper come to Jesus conversation IMO.

YANBU!!
basic rule- you don’t touch other people’s work computers!!

' due to the price of electric '...

WOW.

He can't afford the price then to start a divorce on line.

Shutting someone else’s laptop down is not normal. It’s controlling, rude and unnecessary.

I didn't say it shouldn't be left on overnight!

I said (in other words!) if your future career ambitions are genuinely contingent on having a functioning laptop at 9am, check it's working at 8am!

But honestly I don't truly think that's what's happening here

agreed no need to touch the laptop, but if the update starts at 8.50 anyways leaving it on overnight isn't going to help!