No acknowledgement 25 yr marriage

[Annie000]

25 years of marriage yesterday. 25 years. Been together over 35 years, six children, 8 grandchildren. My husband woke up yesterday and said 'ooh it's our anniversary isn't it? Fancy a quickie" . No card, flowers, no plans,no posts on his socials. Nada, nothing, zip. I admit I didn't do anything either, because I secretly hoped he would. Not that he ever does. He won't "waste" .only on cards and doesn't"go shopping '.AIBU expecting a little something, a bit of recognition for everything? All the years, all the work, raising the kids, doing EVERYTHING when it comes to holidays, birthdays, Christmas etc. I don't know why I feel so fed up and disappointed, because this is what it's always been like. Not had a dinner or date night on over 4/5 years.
What should I do????????
What are your thoughts????
AIBU?????

Yeah, my nasty exH bought me a 600-pound Tiffany voucher for my 40th. I made him take it back, because he ruined my surprise party that my family had planned. He actually tried to cancel it! Totally ruined my birthday. He thought he could appease me by throwing money at me.

So let me get this straight. Your partner has to make a huge effort and spend money, but you don't? How is that fair?

I do agree with you that perhaps the discussion beforehand should have taken place but isn't that down to the op as much as the husband

We can never quite remember what day or what year it was.
But it was definitely January.

The date of admission is literally on the Law Society website when you enter your name (I'm also a solicitor many years PQE and still know the date of admission - how do you know your PQE if you don't know the date?)

Those "cool" people who can't remember their wedding date - how many years have you been married? How is it possible not to remember the date? Do you remember birthdays (your own, your kids', your partners'?). Do you have a bad memory generally?

You’ve decided I’m ‘cool’. The word seems to function on here as code for ‘Someone who’s not bothered about something I get very exercised about.’ I have an excellent memory. I’m an academic in EngLit and obviously can’t stand in front of 200 undergraduates talking about ‘Whatshisname — you know, in that novel by Thingummy’, and I have to be able to hold a lot of detail in my head. I have near-photographic recall for books because the job requires it.

We have been married for 14 years (but together far longer). Surely it’s not that hard to grasp that the date is just not an important piece of information for me? I’m not mocking anyone who likes to celebrate anniversaries, it’s just not a thing that would even occur to me. Yes, we celebrate birthdays.

Oh fgs of course I know it's there. I could tell you the year. I can't tell you the exact date because it has no relevance whatsoever to anything.

How do I know my PQE? What a daft question. You think I don't know how many years I've been working because I don't know the exact date I qualified?

Agree with the previous poster about "the cool" insult.

I'm not cool just not that interested or invested in celebrating when I'm told to. We celebrate close family birthdays and Christmas on certain dates but I like to have regular times that are special rather than do things to a calendar. Dh and I have been married for 25 years and still go out regularly on 'dates' and walks. We've been out 3 times in the last week for meals/drinks and gone hiking. Dd is growing up and I want us rock solid when she moves out in a few years. I don't care about anniversaries or valentines but I love him very much all year around

@XelaM Don't make a thing of it!

I'm good at remembering birthdays, phone numbers., but for some reason, I have had memory lapses about my wedding date. I think it's because it's in the same week as a couple of family birthdays, so DH and I sometimes get the days confused.

Which thoughtless gifts did he buy for you? They must have been quite shocking to start a stinking row over his lack of effort.

Same here. We don't do wedding anniversary, Valentine's Day, Mother's or Father's Day. We do celebrate birthdays.

We don't do "dates'. We are out almost every Saturday for lunch and meeting friends. Sundays are walks, galleries, cafes. We go to the cinema on average once a fortnight and theatre/concerts etc at least once a month. We dine out in the evening about once a month (obviously a lot more when on holiday)

He's probably on Dadsnet saying my wife did nothing, not even a quickie!

Choose happiness and leave him. People only treat us the way we let them.

I had to help my friend remember what year she got married in the other week.
OP, I think wedding anniversaries and how much you mark them vary hugely from couple to couple. My own parents rarely bothered, and I can't remember the actual date. And I'm a bit bemused that you expect it all to come from his side. So, I'm going to conclude that this isn't really about them wedding anniversary; that's just a hook to hang your frustrations on around him not doing a bunch of stuff the other 364 days of the year. That's what you need to address. But I wouldn't go charging in making it all about the anniversary or you could end up having the wrong argument.

Generally we remember the date but some years one of us has to remind the other the actual date, I sometimes acciidently reverse the day and month and confuse myself

and no there is no cliched 'cool mum' whatever 'highly intelligent' insult people use these days it is just people don't all think the same weirdly enough

You need to communicate honestly about your emotional needs. Don’t worry about tje reaction, just say what you’d like. Then he’ll know and he’ll have no excuse for doing nothing. Yes, it’d be lovely to be bought flowers and not feel taken for granted etc but if none of that is happening, you have to just say it and get it off your chest. Even if he does nothing about it at least you’ll jabe got it off your chest and might realise how crap he’s been at showing appreciation for you. I sympathise. My bloke’s head is firmly up his arse. No flowers ever and resents spending money 🙄

We work together on a plan for big events. I tend to be the instigator but we work together.
smaller events are more ad hoc, which is fine with both of us.

We celebrated our silver anniversary last year, we dont usually do anything for our anniversary or valentines day, but we both decided it was a big deal so we both sat down and decided we wanted to go away.
we looked at several destinations and decided on Prague, hubbie researched places to visit , I researched flights and hotels.
Im sorry you are disappointed that he made no plans, but I definitely think in future you should discuss expectations and hopefully you can both plan the right celebration for you both.

You should both get assessed for neurodegenerative disease, because it's not normal to be unable to recall your wedding date, one of the most significant days of your lives. Are you an older couple?

I don't understand people who never celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's. These are some of the nicer things in life, and they're fun, if you want them to be. Seems very negative to ignore them all.

No we aren't old and our cognition is fine. Thanks for your concern though.
It was a single day. We are bit more interested in the rest of our lives.

If you're only interested in the rest of your lives, do you remember your date of birth?

Valentines day and Mother and Father's day are just marketing exercises. We never celebrate them. I enjoy my life. I don't need a special one or two days in the year to have a reason to do something nice. Nice things happen anyway. Birthdays are a bit different. Would celebrate them.

I was thinking about this thread and the poster who was insisting I must know the date I was admitted as a solicitor because otherwise I couldn't know my PQE. What nonsense - if you refer to PQE it's always "admitted in 1990", not the specific date.

And what about anniversaries?

I always used to do something nice for my mum on Mother's Day. I wish she was still here so we could have more nice celebrations. My philosophy is that life is short and can be full of tragedy, so we should seize any opportunity to celebrate. YMMV.

Seriously? How many times have you been asked to supply your wedding anniversary as an identifier when making a medical appointment?