No acknowledgement 25 yr marriage

[Annie000]

25 years of marriage yesterday. 25 years. Been together over 35 years, six children, 8 grandchildren. My husband woke up yesterday and said 'ooh it's our anniversary isn't it? Fancy a quickie" . No card, flowers, no plans,no posts on his socials. Nada, nothing, zip. I admit I didn't do anything either, because I secretly hoped he would. Not that he ever does. He won't "waste" .only on cards and doesn't"go shopping '.AIBU expecting a little something, a bit of recognition for everything? All the years, all the work, raising the kids, doing EVERYTHING when it comes to holidays, birthdays, Christmas etc. I don't know why I feel so fed up and disappointed, because this is what it's always been like. Not had a dinner or date night on over 4/5 years.
What should I do????????
What are your thoughts????
AIBU?????

This is super weird.

My grandparents had been married for nearly 70 years and they remembered their wedding anniversary. My parents have been married for nearly 50 years and again - they remember every year. Very strange not to remember unless you have memory loss.

Good grief ! It's your Silver Wedding Anniversary and he has done NOTHING !

surely at the very least the two of you should have arranged a family celebration you have enough children and grandchildren to do so - big family get together at a nice pub Sunday lunchtime, with a special cake.

If you don't already have one, I would have been hoping for an eternity ring ...
and the biggest bunch of flowers that the florist could deliver

never mind a weekend away to Paris or somewhere else romantic / suitable

tho of course I would have a lovely watch or whatever my husband is in to all wrapped up and ready with a suitable card...

Have you told him how you feel?

Most families celebrate a silver wedding.

You're being passive aggressive.

You did the same to him.

Are you serious?
If you can't remember what month you were married I'd questioning memory loss @TepidBathwater

Big anniversaries are like big birthdays aren't they, usually families plan ahead a bit. I'm surprised not one person in the family had a conversation about a silver wedding!

That she has planned everything for 35 years.
@Annie000I do get it, but I don’t get why you would think he would do anything differently?
Did any of the kids acknowledge it. ?

None of your children remembered?

This is awful, you need to communicate with each other better. You're not understanding each other.

This. If you want things to change OP then communicating in a constructive way about how you feel would be a really positive first step.

It’s not about thinking sex is something women allow to be done to them ffs! It’s about the lack of bloody forethought or effort. How much money, time, or forethought did he put into the casual offer of a bloody quickie? And he probably thought she should be grateful!

Tbf they probably didn't know. Ours would have no idea who long we've been married that's why plans and discussions usually happen before a big thing like this.

I don’t think this is that at all. Anniversaries are about the both of you, for you both to celebrate, unlike a birthday or Mother’s Day. So to me, it’s something you plan together if you want a party or celebration, or if it’s gifts you would have expected OP to also have got a card and gift for her husband, which she didn’t. Why would it only be for the husband to plan for a wedding anniversary?

It is sad, esp as the only thing he thought was worthwhile was a 'quickie'. Not even a nice session, just a quickie! The romance, ah.

But, if he's not been thoughtful for all these years, sadly he won't be thoughtful going forward. You could try talking to him, tell him you don't feel appreciated and after all these years you have had enough of that. For the record, I probably would've got him a card and watch the penny drop when he had nothing.

Sorry OP, it's sad when we don't show the people we value that we value them. It doesn't take much to get a card, or mention going out for a nice dinner somewhere to mark the occasion. 25 years is a long time.

We plan anniversary stuff together, sometimes we do something, other times we cannot be bothered. I don’t really care about things like anniversaries, mother/father’s day etc. The thing that would have bothered me would be waking up to “do you fancy a quickie” like I was a piece of meat .

I akways make the effort to find out. So do my sisters. We all know when our parents anniversary is and send them a card and we track the numbers.
It would have been very painfully received if we had all not known a 60th anniversary was coming up.

OP, I don't think you're hearing what people are saying here, because you only want to be affirmed in your stance. If I want to go away for an anniversary break or a date I'll often arrange it myself, after a chat to my husband about where we'd both like to go. It's hardly a big deal, just a phone call or online booking. I don't expect him to read my mind, and many men don't feel sentimental about anniversaries/cards etc. You "secretly hoped" he'd do something - what if he secretly hoped you would? (Unlikely, I know, but how would you ever know if you don't communicate?). You asked a question - AIBU, but aren't prepared for the answer - YABU.

I didn't. Because it is always on me to do everything.

That's the problem. For years he has gotten away with making no effort and this year was no different unfortunately.

Sorry OP, a leopard doesn't change their spots

I think you are better putting this on the relationship board OP.
AIBU is where the wild beasts roam and you will have a very miserable day reading horrible and very unreasonable posts.

I agree with this and I hate the waiting to see if the other person fails, which is fully expected but then is paraded as them being awful.
COMMUNICATION is the way.

That's completely ridiculous. I take it you don't know your children's birthdays either?

It's not 'completely ridiculous' -- and that's an insane comparison with DC's birthdays! I mean, do you remember annually the date you signed your first mortgage? That's pretty much how I view our wedding day. The relationship, which predated the marriage by many years, is very important to and continues to be very happy. The day we made it legal (two witnesses and a Michelin-starred lunch), not at all. I'm not entirely sure whether it was in February or March.

It is ridiculous. I make sure I find out when loved ones birthdays and anniversaries are so they feel loved and cared for.
OP does everything and organises everything while her H sits on his arse and enjoys it all.
Its yet more work for her.
Men are lazy idle nonentities most of the time.

No, I think people get it.
You said it’s always been the same, but you wanted something different; some recognition. Instead of asking him to do something, you stayed quiet and set him up for failure, knowing that he’d do exactly the same as he always does; nothing.

🤷‍♀️ definition of madness.

USE YOUR WORDS.

Few people not agreeing with me over the children marking a silver anniversary. Maybe it's a thing in lreland but most of my friends have passed this milestone and it's usually the children who make a fuss. Not so for other anniversaries but just this big one.
We are heading for 40 and l will be disappointed if my children don't acknowledge it although l am not too into anniversaries.

And you do you, obviously. I would think that some third party asking me the date of a wedding anniversary that DH and I never celebrate to the point that neither of us knows when it is under the impression it would make me feel 'loved and cared for' was having some kind of psychotic breakdown.

But then I didn't marry a 'lazy, idle nonentity'. I don't need a once a year fuss to make up for a shit marriage or a drastically uneven domestic workload. That's the unspoken backstory to most of the frequent posts about husbands/partners forgetting birthdays/anniversaries/ doing an 'unmemorable' proposal. They're being focused on because they have to make up for so much neglect.