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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU All hell broke loose over UCAT

244 replies

YourChirpyBee · 20/07/2026 23:16

DS is applying for Medicine and needs to book his UCAT. He wanted to book a particular date, but DH, who believes in astrology, was pressuring him to book the day before instead (he refused to pay for the selected date) because he thinks it's a better date.

I agree this shouldn't be forced on DS. However, DS completely lost his temper. He said astrology was "bullshit", that this was his future and none of DH's business, that we had nothing to do with his future, that everything he'd achieved was thanks to him and not us and that we havent helped DS17 at all.

AIBU to be really upset by how he spoke? I completely understand disagreeing with astrology but DS17 showed zero gratitude or respect for everything we've done to support him.

OP posts:
ChristmasCwtch · 21/07/2026 09:03

This sounds like the nonsense I saw in South East Asia. So much superstition based on the bloody moon, when to get married, when to move house. How to decorate your living room. All bollocks.

Teenagers are generally ungrateful and self-interested. It sounds like he’s under pressure already and your husband is being a controlling dickhead.

I hope you reassured your son about paying for the exam date and told him separately that you’d discuss his outburst when emotions have calmed down.

diddl · 21/07/2026 09:04

because he thinks it's a better date.

Better date in terms of what?

borborygmus1 · 21/07/2026 09:05

If I were a 17 year old in his position, I would have lost my f**king mind if my parents were so weird they wanted to derail my career plans over bullshit astrology/horoscopes. I would also have been so ashamed to be related to people so thoroughly uneducated when I was hoping to study something heavily based on scientific rigour.

Good luck to your child in their future. Your husband sounds controlling and has some odd ideas and you didn't put your foot down to support your son, who will already be stressed with the sheer amount of study and preparation for this exam. Your job is to immediately apologise, 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir' him until he gets that place at medical school and not actively derail him as he will NEVER forgive you.

godmum56 · 21/07/2026 09:06

McSpoot · 21/07/2026 08:51

Yup and the OP's husband is free to take the UCAT any day that he wants to do so - the OP's son isn't stopping him (which would the actual analogy to the person refusing blood donations, not the PP's made-up analogy).

Show quote history

yes. This

swissmummy12345 · 21/07/2026 09:09

NightOwlNutter · 21/07/2026 00:00

This is a rough one — both things can be true at once, which is often how these threads go.
On the astrology/booking bit: You're right that this shouldn't have been forced on him. The UCAT date matters for practical reasons (revision schedule, other commitments, how he feels on the day) — not astrological ones. DH refusing to pay for the date DS actually wanted, over a star-sign preference, is a pretty unreasonable ask to put on a 17-year-old sitting a high-stakes exam for something he's worked hard for. So no, YANBU to think DS shouldn't have had that pressure put on him.
On DS's reaction: Also understandable that it stung, and I don't think that's YABU either, but for a slightly different reason than "he was disrespectful." A few things stand out:

  • He's 17, under exam pressure, and was just told his choice about his own future doesn't matter as much as a horoscope. That's the kind of thing that makes anyone's temper fray, teenagers especially.
  • The "bullshit" comment was about astrology, not about you — that's fair game to say bluntly, even if the delivery was blunt.
  • The bit that would actually stings is the "you've done nothing for me" line. That's not really about astrology anymore, that's him lashing out broadly in the heat of the moment, and it's the part worth addressing separately from the DH disagreement — because it's not true and it's not fair to you, even if he's stressed.
I'd probably separate the two conversations: back him up (privately, with DH) on the actual booking decision being his to make, but also have a quieter word with DS once things have cooled that says something like: "I get why you were angry at Dad, and you're allowed to disagree with him firmly — but the bit about us not helping you wasn't okay, and I'd like an apology for that specifically." So: NAH on the original disagreement, but DS's blanket dismissal of you both is fair to be hurt by and worth raising with him directly, separate from whether he was right about the exam date itself.

Stop with the ChatGPT crap. Word for word

KnowledgeableAvocado · 21/07/2026 09:12

Lol gwan your son

Matronic6 · 21/07/2026 09:19

Standing up to you and your idiot husband because of your daft notions about astrology is not showing 'zero respect or gratitude.'

You have shown zero support by refusing him doing it the day of his choice because of astrology. And your reaction to him standing up to you over this absolute bullshit says all about the kind of parents you are.

Be decent parents and let him do it the day he wants.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/07/2026 09:19

Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus and Sagittarius are highly skeptical signs. If OP's son is one of those, then, of course, he would reject his dad's reliance on astrology to determine the best date to sit the exam. Obviously. 🙄
And dad should've known that. He's not a Pisces, or Gemini, is he? 🤔 They do tend to get caught up in their own thoughts and fail to see what's right in front of them.

RedToothBrush · 21/07/2026 09:33

Well suggesting this other date for astrological reasons was clearly done without consulting whether it was the appropriate day to suggest an alternative date...

Honestly, its not being unsupportive to say "I don't want to do this because of your beliefs"

You can have your beliefs. The problem here is pushing your beliefs onto him.

Thats a lack of respect for him, not a lack of him respecting your DH's beliefs.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/07/2026 09:34

Well, the poor kid is not wrong about astrology being bullshit is he.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 21/07/2026 09:35

Sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back. How much is everyone's daily life being affected by DH's bullshit beliefs, I wonder 🤔

liloandstitchh · 21/07/2026 09:36

I am incredibly superstitious and believe in all things spiritual, astrology etc but YABU.

This is certainly not something I would force upon my child.

AdmiralJaneRoland · 21/07/2026 09:43

heizfiftyseven · 21/07/2026 02:34

I agree.
If he wants to be a doctor he needs to learn that the patient has the Right of Self Determination, no matter how frustrating that may be for others.
This is a good lesson.

Show quote history

His father isn’t claiming the right of self-determination, his father is claiming the right to control him. No lesson in that at all.

Komints · 21/07/2026 09:44

NightOwlNutter · 21/07/2026 00:00

This is a rough one — both things can be true at once, which is often how these threads go.
On the astrology/booking bit: You're right that this shouldn't have been forced on him. The UCAT date matters for practical reasons (revision schedule, other commitments, how he feels on the day) — not astrological ones. DH refusing to pay for the date DS actually wanted, over a star-sign preference, is a pretty unreasonable ask to put on a 17-year-old sitting a high-stakes exam for something he's worked hard for. So no, YANBU to think DS shouldn't have had that pressure put on him.
On DS's reaction: Also understandable that it stung, and I don't think that's YABU either, but for a slightly different reason than "he was disrespectful." A few things stand out:

  • He's 17, under exam pressure, and was just told his choice about his own future doesn't matter as much as a horoscope. That's the kind of thing that makes anyone's temper fray, teenagers especially.
  • The "bullshit" comment was about astrology, not about you — that's fair game to say bluntly, even if the delivery was blunt.
  • The bit that would actually stings is the "you've done nothing for me" line. That's not really about astrology anymore, that's him lashing out broadly in the heat of the moment, and it's the part worth addressing separately from the DH disagreement — because it's not true and it's not fair to you, even if he's stressed.
I'd probably separate the two conversations: back him up (privately, with DH) on the actual booking decision being his to make, but also have a quieter word with DS once things have cooled that says something like: "I get why you were angry at Dad, and you're allowed to disagree with him firmly — but the bit about us not helping you wasn't okay, and I'd like an apology for that specifically." So: NAH on the original disagreement, but DS's blanket dismissal of you both is fair to be hurt by and worth raising with him directly, separate from whether he was right about the exam date itself.

I have so many questions about this, but I think the main one is 'do you really think everyone reading this doesn't immediately think 'oh, bless them - they used chatGPT for the whole thing'?

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 21/07/2026 09:45

Do all med schools use the UCAT now? Some of the sections might as well be astrology.
DD had problems with just one section so applied and got offers for medical schools which used other methods. Her DB did practice sessions with that section and got full marks but couldn't explain why (it just is that answer) he did not want to study medicine.

Monty36 · 21/07/2026 09:46

I have never heard such nonsense. Your DH may well believe in astrology. Fine. But you cannot manage someone else through it in this way. Completely OTT. Off the wall. He is young but still under some strain. Your DH is not being helpful. At all.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 21/07/2026 09:56

He's obviously science and evidence-based. He's studying medicine. No room for woo-woo in that discipline.

It sounds like a cultural thing but trying to force astrology onto a scientist just isn't going to end well. You can't force him to align with your superstitious beliefs and tbh it's insane even to try. You're showing a lack of confidence in his intellect and ability - because he'll get the qualifications he needs thanks to his own brain and hard work and nothing to do with what date he does the exams/interview on - and that's what's upset him. Your lack of faith in HIM. You need to set that right because as it stands, he's right and you're not supporting him.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 21/07/2026 09:57

Komints · 21/07/2026 09:44

I have so many questions about this, but I think the main one is 'do you really think everyone reading this doesn't immediately think 'oh, bless them - they used chatGPT for the whole thing'?

Show quote history

I really don't understand why people bother to do that. If they haven't got their own actual opinion, then why comment at all? So odd.

TiggyTomCat · 21/07/2026 10:03

He's a teenager under a lot of pressure ...he's probably heard it all before from your DH and that was what broke the camel's back. Let him be. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said - just a heat of the moment thing.

Happyhope · 21/07/2026 10:04

It all a load of nonsense op.
My ex and his family was like you and your husband, and there stupid superstitions.

Pleased I walked away.

Priyanka12 · 21/07/2026 10:06

DS is right.
He's had 17 years of that backward cr**. He's had enough.
He doesn't owe you life-long gratitude.
I gather he won't be visiting much when he starts uni.
My DH is Asian and I remember his mom was insisting we change our civil wedding day or time a day before the wedding due to astrology. DH just laughed.

Scottishskifun · 21/07/2026 10:07

There is definitely someone being unreasonable and it's not your DS!

Why on earth would your husband block an exam date?! Your DS is right he's got to where he is by his hard work and sounds like he will continue to do so. Yes parents assist and make sacrifices but newsflash that's what being a good parent entails!

Unless you wish to lose the relationship I suggest you apologise to your son, book the date he has requested and tell your DH to stfu!

Wheresthebeach · 21/07/2026 10:10

Your DS snapped over being micro managed over Astrology. Your DH is bonkers to try and force this. Cut it out.

InveterateWineDrinker · 21/07/2026 10:10

Another highly provocative post-and-run OP from someone who's never posted another message on MN before or since.

I don't think she's coming back.

ThanksItHasPockets · 21/07/2026 10:12

Your DH needs to tread very carefully. UCAT is tough and competitive. If DS does well it will be because he is bright and has worked hard, and nothing to do with whether the flumpfs are in retrograde, or whatever DH believes.

DH is implicitly telling your DS that he doesn't think he is good enough to pass this test without astrological support. If the test does take place on a supposedly auspicious date and DS does well, DH will always feel a little bit smug that he supposedly contributed to an achievement that is entirely or DS's. These are appalling, damaging messages for a parent to send their child.