AIBU All hell broke loose over UCAT

[YourChirpyBee]

DS is applying for Medicine and needs to book his UCAT. He wanted to book a particular date, but DH, who believes in astrology, was pressuring him to book the day before instead (he refused to pay for the selected date) because he thinks it's a better date.

I agree this shouldn't be forced on DS. However, DS completely lost his temper. He said astrology was "bullshit", that this was his future and none of DH's business, that we had nothing to do with his future, that everything he'd achieved was thanks to him and not us and that we havent helped DS17 at all.

AIBU to be really upset by how he spoke? I completely understand disagreeing with astrology but DS17 showed zero gratitude or respect for everything we've done to support him.

Well, what have you done for him?

If it's nothing then I don't blame him for snapping

the UCKat is a shitty exam - he snapped under pressure and then took it a bit far.

you can apologise for your dick of a husband and then ask dc to apologise for what he said.
your husband can either apologise or have no relationship with your son.

Does it not give you the biggest ick possible that a man believes that shite?

Applying for med school is extremely stressful Give him a break

Poor boy. Did you back him up against his silly dad? If you didn’t then it’s understandable he lost it with you

I'd hope that a doctor doesn't 'tolerate' a pregnant alcoholic

What would you expect him to do?

This is a rough one — both things can be true at once, which is often how these threads go.
On the astrology/booking bit: You're right that this shouldn't have been forced on him. The UCAT date matters for practical reasons (revision schedule, other commitments, how he feels on the day) — not astrological ones. DH refusing to pay for the date DS actually wanted, over a star-sign preference, is a pretty unreasonable ask to put on a 17-year-old sitting a high-stakes exam for something he's worked hard for. So no, YANBU to think DS shouldn't have had that pressure put on him.
On DS's reaction: Also understandable that it stung, and I don't think that's YABU either, but for a slightly different reason than "he was disrespectful." A few things stand out:

• He's 17, under exam pressure, and was just told his choice about his own future doesn't matter as much as a horoscope. That's the kind of thing that makes anyone's temper fray, teenagers especially.
• The "bullshit" comment was about astrology, not about you — that's fair game to say bluntly, even if the delivery was blunt.
• The bit that would actually stings is the "you've done nothing for me" line. That's not really about astrology anymore, that's him lashing out broadly in the heat of the moment, and it's the part worth addressing separately from the DH disagreement — because it's not true and it's not fair to you, even if he's stressed.

I'd probably separate the two conversations: back him up (privately, with DH) on the actual booking decision being his to make, but also have a quieter word with DS once things have cooled that says something like: "I get why you were angry at Dad, and you're allowed to disagree with him firmly — but the bit about us not helping you wasn't okay, and I'd like an apology for that specifically." So: NAH on the original disagreement, but DS's blanket dismissal of you both is fair to be hurt by and worth raising with him directly, separate from whether he was right about the exam date itself.

YABU and your husband is a nut job.
This is your son’s future. Applying for medicine is difficult enough as it is.

Teenager kicks off - shocking news!

He's not wrong about the astrology though.

Need more info - have you previously paid for tutoring or private school? Or have you just supported him in a normal way that any good parent would?

If not I don’t blame him for thinking his success so far is entirely down to his own hard work (even if we in our adult wisdom can see that parental support has helped him along his academic journey).

He’s right that it’s his life, his decisions (and that astrology is a load of nonsense). Seems like you’re overreacting.

This exam will entirely determine entirely
Whether he can apply tomed school. It is extremely difficult and stressful. To get some nonsense about astrology when your entire future depends on it, Lawd help him. I help kids apply to med school, ukat is second only to finals for difficulty and consequences.
No wonder he blew up.

@YourChirpyBee he’s just angry and wants to put his point across that it’s up to him. Your DH should back-off and let him choose his own path. You both must want your DS to be happy in life and forcing someone else’s wishes onto him won’t achieve this. Why is your DH being so thick? I’d be angry at him too.

@YourChirpyBee

I hope you have supported your son, and have paid the fee for the date he wants.

Have you got him ucat tutoring? That might be more help than your dh’s crock of ….

If your DH is paying for the UCAT then clearly you have helped DS. I’d wait and see how they both are in the morning. Your DH is out of order trying to insist on a particular date and needs to stop pushing his beliefs on your (nearly adult) teenager. DS sounds like a brat and that isn’t okay, even if it was stress getting the better of him. Both of them need to applogise.

Never predicted by Russell Grant:

TEENAGER TALKS SENSE

The UCAT is very difficult and very stressful so I can imagine he wanted to do it when it suited him not for some other silly reason to suit someone else. They are under a huge amount of pressure this summer if presumably he has just done his mocks, then has to study for the UCAT and he won’t have long until his personal statement needs to be submitted. A really stressful summer so I don’t think it’s fair for him to have to consider someone else in this. He should be doing the UCAT when it suits him and no one else as he is the one doing it.

I think he is owed an apology and I’m not surprised he wasn’t very happy.

If your son leans to science and your husband astrology I'm suprised there hasn't been a bust up before now. It would wear even the most tolerant of us.

Does your husband genuinely believe your son will fail if he sits on the "wrong" date? That's infuriating and more importantly insulting if so. Presumably your son is bright and working hard, it's that not the stars carrying him through.

Pay the exam fee yourself and have words with your husband. Believing it for himself is one thing but now his nonsense has tipped into him being controlling and negatively impacting on other people's lives. I am guessing this isn't the first time his beliefs have influenced aspects of family life? He is going to end up driving a wedge between himself and his son too.

If by supporting him, you're referring to normal things like putting a roof over his head and paying for his education then - to paraphrase the Sidney Poitier character in "Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?" - you just did what you were supposed to do.

WTF 😳 😆

He's a kid and he's stressed out. Leave him be.

YA, simply by virtue of entertaining your husband's nonsense, BU. A "better" date indeed, and attempting to force this arbitrary belief system on DS by refusing to pay for a date of which he disapproves. As a PP said, I'm surprised DS didn't snap sooner. Are you not even a bit embarrassed?

He’s 17 and planing his future. Fair enough dh suggesting the alternative date, but he should have accepted that ds wanted the later one, and then to refuse paying is childish. Hardly being supportive!

Also, as others have said, applying for uni, especially medicine is stressful. Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked off, but teens aren’t known to be grateful. If dc is normally a decent lad, then just put this down to,stress, and move on. He got cross, don’t we all. I mean, you sound cross posting on here. This tomorrow, it’ll all be forgotten.

OP not been back? Weird…

Well surely your husband also believes that you’ve had no impact on DS either because it’s all predetermined by the stars, so DS is just a chip off the old block really. You can’t be wanting credit one moment and expecting him to submit to the whim of astrological cobblers the next. But the bottom line is that the DH needs to stop forcing his bs down DS throat and book the exam on the date DS wants, then you might get more appreciation for not making a stressful process more unnecessarily pressured.