AIBU All hell broke loose over UCAT

[YourChirpyBee]

DS is applying for Medicine and needs to book his UCAT. He wanted to book a particular date, but DH, who believes in astrology, was pressuring him to book the day before instead (he refused to pay for the selected date) because he thinks it's a better date.

I agree this shouldn't be forced on DS. However, DS completely lost his temper. He said astrology was "bullshit", that this was his future and none of DH's business, that we had nothing to do with his future, that everything he'd achieved was thanks to him and not us and that we havent helped DS17 at all.

AIBU to be really upset by how he spoke? I completely understand disagreeing with astrology but DS17 showed zero gratitude or respect for everything we've done to support him.

Do you believe in astrology OP? Must be hard to live with someone who relies on such guidance.
Good on your son for sticking up for himself.

Give him a break poor lad. He’s 17 and naturally stressed.

I can't imagine have an intelligent, motivated son like that and putting barriers that are indeed bullshit in his way.

Poor kid. He will presumably be off and not looking back as soon as he can

Load of rubbish.

I have a couple of colleagues who believe that stuff and I keep out of their conversations as I think its nonsense. If they interfered with my life decisions I'd be upset though and initially say "no" and expect them to respect me. Your son has had enough of a lifetime of interference with it and has snapped at long last. You never listened or respected to his decision, do you? He is on the crux of adulthood, let him make his own decisions about his future. DH is in the wrong to insist on a particular date.

Your poor son. I bet this is just the latest in an entire lifetime of things being dominated by your husband’s beliefs and this is the last straw. I’m as woo as they come and even I think you and your husband are completely unfair and unreasonable here.

Let him book the day he wants. And if you’re going to hold “being grateful for everything we’ve done” over him, don’t be surprised if your relationship with your son deteriorates sharply once he has some freedom. Your support is a like a gift - but it should come with ribbons, not strings.

Give him a break for goodness sake!

The UCAT is a really difficult test to pass at a level to get offers for Medicine. He will have e had to have been working so hard to get himself to a level he deems that he feels ready for the test. At 17 he will be putting so much pressure on himself to get excellent A level grades and pass this test.

Tbh, being the mother of a registrar, I would be supporting him in his decision for the test
date of his choosing. He has decided that is the date he is confident with and as he is the one taking the test it all falls on him. I would also be talking any young person out of doing Medicine. It is shit street and not getting any better. My son wishes he had followed his other career choice but has invested too
much time and effort in to this now to change. He cares for his patients but at one point do we realise we need CEO’s of hospitals and a Health Secretary that is actually medically trained to understand.

i wish your son the best of luck for his test
and hope he smashes it!

Great thread OP🙄

The difference is that patients’ opinions and beliefs won’t personally impact him.

He’s 17. What do you expect?

Ha ha. If this is true, which I highly doubt, this isn't going the way the OP wants and I doubt she will return.

The schools broke up round here last week.

Well, anyone who believes in astrology to that extent is a bit thick themselves really aren’t they so I suspect there’s some jealousy there on the part of the husband.

As for refusing to pay for a test based on make believe the man is a twat of the highest order and I’m not surprised that OP’s DS wants them to have nothing to do with something which is actually real as opposed to bollocks written in the stars.

I mean it’s all a bit embarrassing isn’t it? Imagine having to admit to people that you have a father like that.

Wtf?

Astrology is bullshit - when you’re right you’re right.

Your poor son.

I predict a future where he moves out as soon as he gets a full time job and rarely visits from that point on. Your husband sounds awful.

It's not just a harmless suggestion, it is undermining your son. If he has to take the test when the stars are aligned that suggests your DH thinks he isn't good enough to pass. Then if he does pass your DH takes all the credit for getting the date right, as opposed to your son for his achievement and hard work.

You could counter that by saying why can’t dh indulge his son in booking the test one day later, even if he feels it’s not such a good day.

Also, dh tried to pressurise his son, and then refuse to pay for the test on the later day. No wonder ds blew up and reacted.

It would be interesting if the op had replaced astrology with any of the major religions and see if the replies disrespecting his dad's beliefs were the same,

To me, it's all woo-woo astrological nonsense ( two major religions revolve around the lunar calendar) and some quite tall tales of giants and flying horses, but it seems less popular to disrespect them on Mumsnet!

Lots of great comments here already echoing my thoughts so I will just add one point that I don't think has been made yet.

My YP sat UCAT last year and we've booked a just-in-case UCAT for this year as well in case they need to reapply.

Bookings opened a few weeks back and the most popular dates are likely to have gone. Also there is not a free choice - you don't get all dates at all locations. Are the dates that are being "fought over" even both available?

DS should be allowed to book the date of his choosing. Let him get it booked asap so he can focus on the prep for this hideous exam. Be tolerant and forgiving of his behaviour over the coming weeks.

Thanks for your reply although I don't think my question was interpreted as I meant it. I am not saying he must blindly obey his dad, I just am wondering if the day makes a differance? As I said, unfamilar with it all. Are the exams only on certain days?
Doesn’t affect me, I just like to be in the loop!

Mumsnet ,generally, is very anti religion.

He needs to book it for a day that suits him. Not when the stars align.

Op I haven’t RTET but he’s stressed. My 25 y.o. Ds who has taken the ACT(USA) and DAT and is now sitting for his oral surgery fellowship despite scoring in the top 98% on the previous two texted his sister and I both… “no one is allowed to bring this up”. He doesn’t want asked how it went.

your DH is extremely silly to change the date based on his astrology read. You do as well as you can on standardized tests because you studied and are well prepared. There is an element to being good at standardized
tests but not lucky or astrological aligned.

He’s going to need alot of support
in the future so put this woo woo aside put this tension aside and support him in a
real way in the future.

Imagine working so hard at school you were looking at doing medicine, wanting to book a UCAT and instead of being proud of you, your controlling narcissist dad has to make it about him.
.because that's what this i, your husband had a choice, the choice to shush and let his child excel or the choice to impose his own nonsense to make himself part of it. So he can say 'ah he's a doctor because I told him to choose the Tuesday for the exam and paid for it's

Any wonder your child is angry.

That made me proper larf! Thanks