AIBU All hell broke loose over UCAT

[YourChirpyBee]

DS is applying for Medicine and needs to book his UCAT. He wanted to book a particular date, but DH, who believes in astrology, was pressuring him to book the day before instead (he refused to pay for the selected date) because he thinks it's a better date.

I agree this shouldn't be forced on DS. However, DS completely lost his temper. He said astrology was "bullshit", that this was his future and none of DH's business, that we had nothing to do with his future, that everything he'd achieved was thanks to him and not us and that we havent helped DS17 at all.

AIBU to be really upset by how he spoke? I completely understand disagreeing with astrology but DS17 showed zero gratitude or respect for everything we've done to support him.

I'd be livid if my husband had tried to influence my son with astrology.

Your son was right to be angry, he went over the top but he's young.

YABVU forcing such shite onto the poor boy. Why should he put up with that bullshit, no normal, rational person would and I’m guessing it’s the end of a long string of such bullshit forced on him.

Guessing, when he does go to uni, he will distance himself from this lunacy, and good for him, it would indicate healthy boundaries.

Your son is right astrology is bullshit he's obviously smarter than his idiot father

WTF to you too. It is clear that DS is under pressure, so ignore is fine under these circumstances. DH though. Is he mentally OK is my worry? Hence my attempt at levity rather than doom.

I agree.
If he wants to be a doctor he needs to learn that the patient has the Right of Self Determination, no matter how frustrating that may be for others.
This is a good lesson.

I'm on Team DS.

Requiring your DC to be grateful in the way you put it is unreasonable. You chose to have DC.

And your DH is an idiot. Do you actually agree with him??

OP surely your husband's belief system is not new to you?

How did you navigate it before ?

Not really the point, but UCAT? What fresh hell is this? In my day, friends who were applying to study medicine just had to ace a bunch of STEM A-levels. Must we copy everything the Americans do? They have all these X-Cat/Mat/Sat tests as well. Why aren't GCSEs and A-levels enough anymore?

I think your DS lost his temper because of stress. Trying to schedule an exam around astrology, I've never heard anything so ridiculous. Like your DS doesn't have enough to cope with between A-levels and stupid extra tests. I'd have lost my temper too.

Yes, but those people won't be getting in the way of scheduling an important exam, will they?

He'll be trained in how to deal with all the nutcases that he'll meet. There are guidelines.

🤣🤣🤣

Why do we have this exam? In the early nineties, A-levels and uni interviews were just fine. (Friends were applying for medicine, not me.)

What differance does one day make is my question? Why can't your son indulge his dad in doing it one day earlier? (This is unfamilar territory to me.)

The above, that you've quoted and agree with, is no comparison to DS's situation. I'm sure he'd be fine with his patients having the Right of Self-Determination. What he's got a problem with is his dad having the Right of DS Determination!

Really, the two things are not equivalent AT. ALL.

You do have to be patient to be a doctor, though. Unless you're a surgeon. Perhaps DS will be one of those.

😂

If you keep pandering to your DH batshittery it’s highly unlikely he will make the effort to visit you in his adult life. He probably can’t wait to get away. Your DH is fully unhinged.

Not sure why people are questioning the son’s patience. For all we know, this was the 10 millionth time his parents made everything about them and for all of the previous times he smiled and nodded. Given OP’s lack of insight into the unreasonableness of the father’s behaviour, that seems the more likely scenario.

OP, your son is telling you that you’re not helping him. Instead of calling him ungrateful, can you consider whether he could be right?

Otherwise in ten years’ time you will be wondering why your son has gone NC “for no reason”.

Astrology. What a load of BS. Your DS should decide the date of his exam. I bet he can’t wait to go to uni.

That sounds a very reasonable response from a 17 year old faced with his parents trying to manipulate serious career events for him due to absolutely bullshit beliefs. Astrology is bullshit and I say parents plural since nothing about your op has any element of you’ve tried to tell your dh to cut out the astrology crap. If you have access to money, pay for the test on the day he wants. Tell your dp he doesn’t get to make ds do things to fit in with astrological signs. If you don’t do those things, don’t expect a close relationship with ds as an adult. Your dh won’t have a good relationship with him, that much is clear. Do not sabotage his future.

And he is demonstrating a solid understanding of this right. Unfortunately his dad is not. He isn’t currently treating patients so nothing about this scenario shows his ability to understand patients right of self determination.

To make it fairer for state school kids. It is. Sort of, as long as they know how important it is.

Not read all the comments but I can undertand him losing his temper with your dh but that was quite ungrateful what he said and I would be hurt too. So YANBU imho.

This is his future, hes under lots of pressure, hes 17, probably has had a lifetime of dad's beliefs, no wonder hes flipped.

But he'll be able to make his own choices for himself.
If patient x doesn't have a vaccination, doesn't mean you can't.
Dad refusing to pay for test unless teen chooses certain date is very controlling.

Lots of things are bullshit, like religion for example. However, as a doctor you must respect individual's beliefs, regardless of your own knowledge or opinions.

He's young, so he'll learn, but this is a bit of a litmus test for him.