To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Maybe that poster has a male dentist.

Amazing isn’t it?

But to some of us, our title does absolutely matter. So many women think it's "just" a title without any understanding of why it's not!

omg who cares. I wish this was all I had to worry about...

Traditionally Mrs was seen as the "senior" title status-wise (because obviously married women are senior to unmarried 😒), so it was seen as politer to assume Mrs if you didn't know a woman's title. That's very old fashioned now though - personally would assume Ms if in doubt (but I'm sure I've offended someone at some point in doing so! 🫠)

I was also very irked by the press immediately referring to "Mrs Burnham", when they know full well her surname is van Heel as they will use it later in the article. So rude renaming people, especiallly when it is to assume a woman's name is only allowable in respect of men she is linked to.

I don't think the OP was expecting the thread to go the way it has.

We ran a business where we had to take people's contact details, so we could phone them if needed. It was a real pain when they didn't give their pronouns, and then got upset when we guessed incorrectly. Why didn't you tell them your pronoun instead of getting upset about it?

I understand there is a trillion more important things in life and i don't need other people to decide for me what I need to think about being called Mrs or Mrs or miss or anything else

OP is pretending this happened, there is no such thing as a “married box” instead of title. She had a thread 2 days ago suggesting she was an amazing feminist for hyphenating hers and her husband’s surname rather than taking her husbands surname on marriage. She’s just trying to get a conversation going again.

Just one of many considerations so many women don't even think about...
Professional Parity: It avoids reducing a woman's identity to her marital status or her relationship to a man, establishing the same professional neutrality that men enjoy.
Female honorifics matter, whether you chose to be blind to that or not.

Meh

My title is wrong on our main administration system (I have flagged it but am so very deeply offended that I keep forgetting to follow up to get it amended).

I wear my title and surname very clearly on my back most of the day and people still say "Miss" not "Mrs".

There's not a huge difference in saying Miss/ Ms/ Mrs and it's really not worth getting knickers in a twist over it.

All I really care about is people being polite and pleasant.

Yes. It’s annoying because of the assumption, but more annoying because of the underlying significance. Some of my students once asked me (as I’m a ‘Ms’) if I didn’t want people to know that I was married. I said I was happy for people to know I was married, but didn’t think it should be signalled through my title, as it isn’t for men.

That said, ‘Ms’ is a slightly awkward word to say and I wish there was a better one, but there we are!

@Cheeseandolivesplease I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Yes, it’s a minor issue compared to lots, but it’s also not insignificant as it tells us something about the insidious inequalities that persist in our society.

We just use “Ms” across the board in my company for any adult woman but then I live and work in an area (geographically and professionally) where it’s common for women to keep their birth surname. To be honest, we are leaning towards getting rid of titles altogether but a lot of the software we use requires them.

You won’t get much sympathy here, OP. Mumsnetters who took their husband’s name tend to be defensive about it, though there is no need to be, I don’t imagine anyone gives much of a toss what anyone else does and even though I chose not to take my husband’s name (and he didn’t take mine either), I do support the choice to do whatever you want.

I’m not bothered. I recall that in France, being addressed as Madam is a mark of respect for age. That might well be true in other countries and I think that’s probably what’s behind it in this country. Personally see no need for any use of titles but I’ve mostly been unable to avoid them, notably online.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. But Mumsnet is so reactionary and generally regards being called Mrs as a badge of honour that you will be shouted down!

@Beekman One universal title would make sense. You know - like there is for men.

If me not caring about being called the wrong thing makes me not be a sanctimonious bore I take that as a massive win

I say this in general about anything

Nah. Don't agree with any of that at all. You clearly have issues. For some reason. Do not assume to tell me and other women how WE should feel. I LOVE having my husband's surname, and love that out children have it too.

Multiple surnames in one family who share the same house is odd IMO.

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Yes, it's a cornerstone of my personal feminism that I'm Ms Maiden Name. 30+ years ago when we married some people assumed this was just my 'professional' name. Many were gobsmacked that I had not 'changed my name' anywhere. If the agenda has not moved on that's shocking.

How can we be bothered about personal pronouns if we are not bothered about what we call ourselves aside from the other issue dialogue ?

@Denim4ever It really is depressing isn't it, that so many women don't see the patriarchy at play in marital honorifics?

I kept my name on marriage (twice), use Ms and always have. I have spent years trying to get the NHS to change it. Mrs Myname is just totally inaccurate. It is not unimportant and it’s not wrong to want institutions to get my name right.

@Denim4ever Another incorrect assumption. My husband and my daughter both share the same last name as me.

100%
I am Dr "my surname" and have never been Mrs "DH surname", nor Mrs "my surname"
You put your name on things, it's really not that hard for people to use your actual name.