To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

You’ve admitted you’ve been talking about the patriarchy too!

Relevant Subjects: Discussions naturally fit into courses analyzing social structures, power dynamics, or gender roles (such as analyzing texts in English literature or historical power shifts). 1, 2]
Curriculum Alignment: Tutors should tie the topic directly to the syllabus, exam board requirements, or the specific text being studied rather than using sessions for personal political campaigning. 1]

Something tells me you won’t be sticking to impartiality laws. Hopefully you don’t tell
the students with married Mrs mothers, their mums are uneducated shills, even though you think it.

Out of curiosity i reported one of your offensive posts- MN have deemed it offensive and removed it- were i to report your other offensive posts they would probably be removed too- as you say MN is unbiased- still think you aren’t being offensive?

@RomaRoamer
Student: Ms XX - are you married?
Me: Yes.
Student: So why are you not Mrs XX?
Me: Because I chose not to change my title.
Student: Oh, I thought when you marry you become a Mrs.
Me: No, that's not correct. A lot of people think that, adults included, but you have the choice to decide what title you want.
Student: So your husband's last name is XX.
Me: No - it's XX. You also don't have to change your last name when you marry. Just in the same way as most men don't.

Now you tell me what is wrong about that conversation.

Well I'm a bit offended by you calling me a misogynist for a start.

As for your assertion that I don't like assertive women, I'll tell you this: if it were not for certain strong assertive women fighting my corner, well let's just say they've helped me.

I'm not arguing with you on this because I don't like assertive women, I'm not even arguing you on grounds of feminism or patriarchy, I'm arguing with you on the grounds that I think your stance on being called Mrs on the grounds of 'fighting the patriarchy' is fecking ludicrous.
Especially as you're quite happy to wear an engagement ring.
Nobody has a clue why your dh wears his, they know what your's symbolises. Namely, ownership by a man.
Plus of course many esteemed feminists consider marriage itself is patriarchal!

I'm not convinced that you're anywhere as strong and assertive as you are trying to say you are either.

Women with higher levels of education are significantly more likely to choose Ms. instead of Mrs. because of professional identity, feminist values, and privacy regarding marital status. 1,

Professional and Academic Environments

• Equality with men: Ms. matches the male title Mr., which does not tell anyone if a man is married or single. 1]
• Career focus: Highly educated women often establish their professional names before marriage and prefer a title that highlights their work rather than their relationship status. 1,
• Credibility: Research in academic settings shows that female instructors using Ms. are often viewed by students as having a higher intellectual and professional standing than those using traditional marital titles. 1]

Social and Cultural Views

• Privacy: Choosing Ms. keeps a woman's personal life private in the workplace, making her marital status irrelevant to her duties.
• Independence: Higher education correlates with a stronger preference for personal autonomy and a rejection of the historical tradition where a woman's title defined her by a man.

And…. Your point?

Nothing at all. Just the views you hold on women who do choose Mrs are problematic and I’d hope that doesn’t spill over into your teaching.

If that’s how your conversations are going it still isn’t doing much in terms of bringing down the patriarchy, certainly nowhere near enough for you to be behaving as you have.

Set up a women’s refuge in Afghanistan and I might take the lecture about titles, that’s a hard might.

This thread prompted me to ask my two married female relatives who are Oxbridge-educated and have had high-flying careers if they had a problem if they were addressed as 'Mrs', they both said no.

So forgive me if I don't take your inference that married women who have no objection to being called Mrs are as thick as shit seriously, OP.

@RomaRoamer But it is. It is challenging the notion that "all married women are/should be Mrs" to begin with. So many young people don't even understand that.

@QuintadosMalvados The info I posted wasn't research done by me!!! So you ask a sample size of exactly two women and claim it to be reliable?
Clearly my MRes has gone to waste 😄

I’m sorry but the average age for women to marry has now hit 30. I think women can decide for themselves what they would like to be called and shouldn’t receive such hideous judgement whatever they decide.

@RomaRoamer That's not what I was arguing. Do you disagree that many young people and even grown adults still assume Mrs to be the default upon marriage? This thread suggests otherwise for a start. They don't change it because they just assume it.

You are clearly aligning with the views presented by this study.
Given the context of this thread, you are clearly presenting it as evidence that women who don't subscribe to your views about Ms are thick.

I'm giving you two real life examples that counter that.

@QuintadosMalvados Two women is not a reliable sample size. Nowhere near.

I have two sisters and we are all Ms with our own family name. One of us is married, one is i
single (never married) and i am in a civil parntership. We all have professional jobs. That's a massive sample of three! What have i proven? 😂

What you’re arguing is that women simply take “Mrs” because they’re too uneducated to know they don’t have to. You’ve also argued that women who go by Mrs are upholding the patriarchy as though what a woman chooses to call herself is such an issue it warrants such levels of judgement, whilst refusing to accept this type of woman on woman judgement is so much worse than going by Mrs.

You pointing out to children they can go by whatever titles they like (which is something women give a lot of thought to when they marry anyway) isn’t exactly toppling the patriarchy to the point you can justify your judgement of others in this way.

Preference is not the same as being dogged about it, though.

Just because somebody prefers 'Ms' doesn't mean they deem it important enough to correct people if they call them Mrs, especially in contexts where they don't judge it to be important.

Like a dentist surgery.

I get your point about academic settings.
That doesn't mean that Dr Jane Jones is going to bother to always correct
people who calls her Mrs.

Indeed way back in this thread we had a medical doctor who said she couldn't always be bothered to always correct people who called her Mrs.
Unless it was a bloke who was mansplaining to her. Lol.

@RomaRoamer No - I am pointing out that, based on research, women with higher levels of education are significantly more likely to choose Ms. instead of Mrs. Not my research based on a sample size of 2.
And yes, still many people assume Mrs as the default which, again factually, it is not.

So why do you think having a "Ms" is any less "supporting the patriarchy" than "Mrs"

You've still changed your title from Miss to reflect your marital status albeit with a hint of mystery as to whether you are married or divorced. Still in relation to your husband.

If you REALLY wanted to own it you would've kept your title as " Miss Double barrelled cheese and Olives"

@blubberyboo No - I was a Ms before I married.

And was that in protest to being called a Miss Maiden name?

Or was it in relation to a different man in your life?

That hasn’t been your initial argument at all.

I pointed out having a higher level of education doesn’t automatically equate to intelligence and I don’t see the relevance of you bringing this into the argument, unless to suggest women who choose Mrs are thick?

So what is your point?

@blubberyboo Eh???

Your title was Miss as a child

@blubberyboo Indeed. I changed to Ms MyName when I was 18. So not sure at all what you mean about men?
ETA: I could have done so without parental consent at 16.
Also interesting to note here:
Child to Adult transition: Boys generally transition from "Master" to "Mr" at age 18 (or 16 depending on institutional preference), while girls can switch from "Miss" to "Ms" or "Mrs" at any time or upon marriage. 1]