AIBU to refuse my niece joining my son's one-to-one tutor sessions?

[EveryMinuteAndEveryHour]

Since January we have paid for an online A level tutor once a week for an hour for our son.

My niece is doing the same A level and my sister has asked if my niece can sit in on my son’s tutor lessons. I said the tutor is 1:1 so I don’t think that would really be ok with the tutor, thinking that would put her off but it didn’t. She wants my niece to just be in the room listening to get the same lesson as my son gets and thinks this is okay as the tutor wouldn’t know and it wouldn’t change my sons lesson.

I wanted to say no but said I’d ask my son. He has that he doesn’t want her there.

I have told my sister and she is angry. She doesn’t understand why we would say no. She has now offered to pay a small amount towards the tutor each week but it’s not about the money. My son wants the lesson by himself.

My partner thinks my sister is crazy to expect this and the more I think about it so do I. If you have used a tutor, would you actually consider this? My niece is struggling with the subject and my sister says she can’t afford a tutor.

Are we unreasonable to say no?

Hell no.

genuinely don’t see how it would help your niece either

If it was a driving lesson, would it be ok for her to sit in the car and watch? Of course not! She is bonkers!

I might agree to your niece having a set of notes from the 1-1 lessons. Really she could buy a revision guide to help her. There are also loads of lessons on YouTube she could access. It's not fair to expect your DS to interact with his tutor with his cousin in the room listening in. It would be a firm no from me.

Totally unfair to the tutor and your son for her to sit in.

if I was the tutor and found out she was sitting in unannounced I would refuse to do anymore tutorials for you as I would feel I had been deceived.

it’s his session where he can ask whatever he needs for clarification.

I would hate doing a 1:1 being watched from the corner by my cousin.

if she needs a tutor, her mum needs to find the money to pay for one - piggy backing in his session is just so out of order and ger being behind us not your issue.

just say absolutely not.

Your son doesn't want her there, end of discussion. Cheeky mare!
Not to mention, if the tutor got a whiff of it, they'd cancel your son's sessions anyway.

I think the clue is in the fact you have paid for 1:1 tuition, not 1:2. The fact that your son feels comfortable with 1:1 and has said 'no' to sharing the time is good enough - it would change the dynamic between him and the tutor.

Absolutely not. It would put me off if I knew someone was sat behind me listening. She needs to get her own tutor if she wants one.

Its 1-1 for a reason. Theres no way your neice is going to sit there quietly and just listen in.

Bet the tutor would not allow this anyway. But its a non issue as your son is not comfortable with it and its his tutoring session at the end of it.

As a tutor I would not be happy with this. One to one lessons are that way for a reason, so niece isn't going to get much out of it anyway if she's just lurking and not interacting.

One to one tutoring is always customised to the student’s needs. A tutor will assess where they are and design a course to strengthen weak spots. This is nothing like revision sessions held after school by some teachers where anyone attending will benefit. Also, even if it is the same A level, is it even the same exam board and curriculum?

If your sister needs help affording a tutor for your niece, maybe that would be a kind gift to contribute towards.

You need to keep your business private. Tell your sister the Tutor quit and your son is doing well and doesn’t need one. It is so cheeky of her

My daughter would hate this. It took her a while to settle into her tutoring sessions - she’s doing great now and I wouldn’t any to derail her. Flat no from me.

As a tutor I would not be happy if someone else was sat in on the lesson without me knowing. The tutor will have bills to pay same as any other business, someone can't have it for free. Also, your son will be distracted and will be holding back his answers because there is someone else in the room. Your son wants 1:1 so what your sister/niece wants is irrelevant.

Yanbu.
One to one tutor sessions will be targetted towards your son's individual learning needs. Nieces needs will be different.

If she can’t afford it why doesn’t she do overtime or find a second income rather than making it your responsibility to sort.

The tutor will probably tell you where to go off you ask! Why should they lose out on the cash if they’re teaching two people rather than one?

"Sorry as I said son doesn't want anyone sitting in on his lessons. I'll send you the tutors contact info so you can book your daughter some sessions of her own."

It would change the dynamic of the lesson for your son to have someone listening in, and it's not fair on the tutor to use her services without acknowledgement or agreement.

You say this is an online lesson – is your niece going to be sitting out of sight of the screen? I think it's rather odd and not OK. Speaking as a tutor I would not be happy if this happened with a tutee.

Also I don't see how it would help? I guess to some extent it depends on the subject – I tutor MFL a bit and for an A level lesson would usually do some speaking practice; listening in to that would not be much help. I also work through exam-style tasks and grammar – again, not sure how auditing the lesson would help much (tho I support you could make notes) as it would be targeted at the tutee's weaker areas. Very strange.

ETA: I see others have said the same :)

Occasionally I tutor and I would refuse to have someone else sitting in - even if they were off screen and silent.

Your sister is a CF and either pays up for her own tutor her child goes without.

Even if the tutor said yes (and increased the cost of the tutoring) you son doesn’t want anyone else with him.

Could your son tutor her? It would support his understanding if he were to go over the material covered in his sessions and explain it to his cousin... he could use the time to create his own notes, practice questions and any work set by his tutor. Maybe your sister could even pay him a small amount for this service.

This. Both tutors we used made it clear when the sessions went online (both started in person) that no other student could be there.

I am pleased to read people think this is a bad idea.

The tutor is online and for Chemistry.

My sister thinks my niece can sit out of sight not saying anything so it would be fine.

He has tried to help her in the past but wouldn’t be interested in tutoring her. He has enough on without adding more.

Your sister is U, and I imagine she actually does know it would change the lesson for ds but she’s just wanting a cheap option. No and don’t let her guilt you into it.