AIBU to refuse my niece joining my son's one-to-one tutor sessions?

[EveryMinuteAndEveryHour]

Since January we have paid for an online A level tutor once a week for an hour for our son.

My niece is doing the same A level and my sister has asked if my niece can sit in on my son’s tutor lessons. I said the tutor is 1:1 so I don’t think that would really be ok with the tutor, thinking that would put her off but it didn’t. She wants my niece to just be in the room listening to get the same lesson as my son gets and thinks this is okay as the tutor wouldn’t know and it wouldn’t change my sons lesson.

I wanted to say no but said I’d ask my son. He has that he doesn’t want her there.

I have told my sister and she is angry. She doesn’t understand why we would say no. She has now offered to pay a small amount towards the tutor each week but it’s not about the money. My son wants the lesson by himself.

My partner thinks my sister is crazy to expect this and the more I think about it so do I. If you have used a tutor, would you actually consider this? My niece is struggling with the subject and my sister says she can’t afford a tutor.

Are we unreasonable to say no?

Cutting through all these valid points.

He doesn't want her there... That's enough!

Also the sister has fundamentally misunderstood what tutoring is! (I've tutored years ago).

It's all about a personalised bespoke service... If she's struggling she'll get zero benefit from it... If he's just perfecting his B grade to an A for example...

I think OP has already said that her son doesn't want to tutor his cousin.

You what?!
You can't just "sit in" on a one to one lesson.
She's crackers.
Ignore her 😁

1:1 is she unable to comprehend that.

Definitely not it needs to stay 1:1 or it’s a complete waste of time and money. Your niece needs her own 1:1 time booked

A normal person would ask you for the tutors details and book their DC their own 1:1 lessons. Your sister is deluded.

Have a chat with the tutor and explain what your sister has said, and and that you and your DS don’t want this happening, but your sister isn’t taking no for an answer. Ask the tutor if you can give your sis her details so that if she wants to arrange her own tutoring, she can go directly to the source. Sister can organise tutoring at her own home and pay for it herself if she wants. (Tutor will probably be familiar with CF relatives, so will hopefully bat her off.)

She wants her daughter to get private tutoring on your dime. Your tutor is 1 to 1 and this wouldn't fly. Your son will lose out here.

If she wants a private 1 to 1 tutor, she has to pay. If she can't, she can get a second job. Or it's just not possible.

I dont tutor children but I do online tutor postgraduate students. I would not be happy to have another person present as it would alter the dynamic. My tutoring is strictly 121 as my students are doing high level work and English is not their first language. Sometimes the help they need can be very intensive. If someone insisted upon having an extra person present I would either cancel the session or up my fee considerably.

I also think you should be prepared for your sister to badmouth you to everyone saying that you are interfering with or not supporting her daughter’s success. When this happens, you should be very clear that SHE is the only one doing this, and she has everything she needs to organise tutoring for her kid herself.

Do they even study the same exam board? Some tutors record their sessions.

Your sister is completely out of order. It will be really distracting for your son and he doesn’t want this. She can pay for a tutor herself.

It isn't going to help your niece, because the tutor is teaching your son, going over the bits he needs extra help with and those will not be the bits your niece needs a tutor to cover.

I think it would be distracting for your son to have your niece sit in, even if she was trying to hide out of view (which isn't going to work unless she never moves, coughs, breathes loudly, makes a noise turning a page) which will mean he will not get as much value out of his sessions.

I also think she would start pressing him to ask about the bits that she wants explained, causing extra stress for him and less time with him getting help that you are paying for.

Just randomly sitting in on someone elses lesson isn't all that helpful, having someone else sit and listen to your 1 to 1 tutorial is distracting.

Everyone is a loser in this situation, including the tutor who gets a distracted pupil and a sneaky extra listener.

Tell your sister your son needs the 1 to 1 time and there is no chance you will allow his cousin to be there.

Not only is she bonkers she is a cheapskate.
Tell her to engage her own tutor and not freeload off you !

Either your sister, her partner or your niece need to take on extra hours at work (or additional work elsewhere), or the family budget needs to be re-jigged. This is how most people pay for expensive extras.

But thats HER issue, not yours. Or your sons.

Makes me wonder what other cheeky or unreasonable "demands" she has.

Berth-of-wide required!!

Totally unfair. Its stealing the tutor’s work product.

Son had a tutor previously and this would be a definite no from me. Firstly it’s dishonest to the tutor who has specified it’s 1:1 and also distracting for your son. Your sister is a CF.

This. You’ve over shared your son’s personal details, OP. The fact that your son has a tutor, and in what subject, your son’s information to share—not yours (unless I have misunderstood, and your son has told your sister).

No because it'll certainly interfere with your son's own learning as the point of 1:1 tutorials is to be focused upon the student's needs. Just say the tutor says they only do 1:1 tutorials. End of.

There are plenty of students who would offer low cost tutoring. I know of several who do it. She'd only have to ask the school for recommendations and they'd give her a couple of names. Or she could go direct to the parents.

Er, you can actually do this - I used to when my sister had lessons!

She doesnt need a tutor.

I bought the AQA revision books for chem and heinemann books for maths and say and did every bloody exercise. I did hour per night every night for all of A2....

She needs the internet to explain concepts.if the book isnt cutting it and to sit down and graft.

I'm sure the tutor would have an opinion about a secret freeloader spongeing off his one-on-one offering.

It's completely inappropriate. Your poor son being put in this position.

Just say no. It's not the decent thing to do to the tutor, or for your son.

You are paying for the 1:1 for your son's benefit. Your son has decided that he does not want to have an audience. So that's the end of it as far as I'm concerned.

It's a shame that your niece's parents can't afford a tutor for her if she is struggling, but it isn't your responsibility to fix this. Or your son's.