AIBU to refuse my niece joining my son's one-to-one tutor sessions?

[EveryMinuteAndEveryHour]

Since January we have paid for an online A level tutor once a week for an hour for our son.

My niece is doing the same A level and my sister has asked if my niece can sit in on my son’s tutor lessons. I said the tutor is 1:1 so I don’t think that would really be ok with the tutor, thinking that would put her off but it didn’t. She wants my niece to just be in the room listening to get the same lesson as my son gets and thinks this is okay as the tutor wouldn’t know and it wouldn’t change my sons lesson.

I wanted to say no but said I’d ask my son. He has that he doesn’t want her there.

I have told my sister and she is angry. She doesn’t understand why we would say no. She has now offered to pay a small amount towards the tutor each week but it’s not about the money. My son wants the lesson by himself.

My partner thinks my sister is crazy to expect this and the more I think about it so do I. If you have used a tutor, would you actually consider this? My niece is struggling with the subject and my sister says she can’t afford a tutor.

Are we unreasonable to say no?

One small white lie to save a load of drama.

Give her tutors details and tell her you don't want to hear any more about it.

Your son would talk differently/ interact differently so the tutor would know immediately something was wrong. Also, what if the niece laughed / turned a page loudly / coughed or sneezed etc.. too much stress each session.

It's also cheeky that your sister basically asked you to pay for her kid's tuition but without asking. Eventually offering a 'bit' towards it(!)

No she's a CF you are paying for a 1 to 1 tutor and he should be getting that 1 to 1. He could record it he could just tell the tutor it's in case he forgets something.

Holy shit. Your sister doesn't see that she's the ahole here. How utterly disrespectful of your son's wishes and something that is none of her business. And being angry at your boundaries? I bet it's not the first time she's been manipulative. I'm sorry but what a bitch! Wishing you the best in future at honouring what is right for you & keeping bullies at a distance.

Yup. End of.

Just say that the tutor won’t do it - they’ll have to pay for their own tutor. The whole point of it is 121.

Perhaps your relative could ask around and see if there are a few more kids who would like to sit in? I mean, would it really bother the tutor if there was a very quiet group of say 10 students listening in?

Or maybe they could set up an online session and thirty or so could listen in?

Or a TedTalk on the internet with thousands watching?

Ridiculous idea. If the girl needs a tutor then just dig in and pay for one.

Or she could just pay for her own tutor

A whiff of what? Surely the only reason he might cancel is if the niece actually showed up and refused to leave and you insisted on letting her

She’ll probably then ask the nephew to sit with her daughter to explain things to her

Then your niece can't get a tutor. She can't demand your sons.

Tell your sister that YOU don’t agree and the no is from you and dh.

It’s unfair to your DS to put all the decision onto him.

Basically, your sister wants free private tuition for her daughter at your expense. What a cheek.

What a cheeky cow your sister is. Does she have form for being selfish, overbearing, ignorant and demanding and trying to disadvantage your child for the benefit of her own?

Yes, and it should have been a clear No right from the start with no hesitation or making her poor son the fall guy.

Yes, this is a good idea. You've already thrown your son under the bus, this gets him out of the embarrassing situation you caused by pandering to her cheeky fuckery.

How entitled and presumptuous of her.
Tell her to stay away from your son.
How dare she bother him.
He has enough going on.

nah, you are just storing the drama up.

How can she be angry that your son doesn't want his cousin there? He's allowed to make choices.
Your sis is behaving badly. Yeah, sure she wants the best for her daughter but to be angry? Nah, sod that.

My DS had A level tutoring for a year (after disastrous GCSE results) - the whole purpose was to support HIM: helping him understand gaps in his understanding, focus on the topics he was weak on, exam technique geared to his strengths and weaknesses. It was a safe space for him to candidly explore where he needed help without the observation of classmates or possibly dismissive responses of harassed subject teachers.

To have another party there, eavesdropping, is a violation of that safe space - and also a breach of contract with the tutor/tutoring company. It would also likely undermine the sessions as he would be reticent to speak up and ask questions freely - you’d be recreating the classroom environment you are seeking to counter. So it would be pointless

If DSis wants the same for her daughter, wants access to something that will support her daughter, she would be better just paying herself. Even just a course of 6 sessions focused on the topics that she is weakest in, spaced out fortnightly.

Totally unreasonable of her to have asked, and even more so to take umbrage at being told ‘no’.

You know what would really help your son improve at this subject? Tutoring his cousin. I can dig out the studies if you want, but basically, nothing helps someone understand and retain material like having to teach it to someone else. Your son and your niece would both benefit and it would be free.

Horrible your sister is putting you in this situation. It is not your fault she cannot afford it and it is not acceptable for her to have even asked. I have sent my son to one to one tutoring for a subject and it is taylored to his needs and only his needs. A second person even hovering would have hampered his chances of learning so absolutely agree it should not even be considered and your sister is a cf.

This might sound insane, but one of the best ways to embed knowledge is to explain it/teach it to someone else...so I wouldn't let her in on the tuition session, but I would suggest to DS that he tutors her (essentially teaches her what the tutor taught him). That way they'd both benefit.

Yes, this! Evidently I didn't read the thread properly before posting! But yes, this!