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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

353 replies

ittakesalongtimr · 18/07/2026 23:47

Can’t believe I’m writing this but desperate for some advice. DD14 was in a very brief relationship with a boy of 15. About a month. He came to our house a few times and seemed nice, we had a few chats and the same happened when DD when to his house. They go to school together. I don’t know the family at all.
They split up about 3 weeks ago, I’m still not sure why as DD didn’t tell me details but she was very upset for a few days. Hadn’t heard anything about the boy (I’ll call him Matt here) until today when her phone simply didn’t stop buzzing and she looked increasingly worried. She eventually told me tonight he has been messaging her telling her to jump off a bridge and kill herself, and added in messages about how old I am to be a mum of a teenager (not untrue but ouch) and that I’m cheating on my husband with (and then named a dad of someone in DD year). It’s nonsense but I’m upset this rumour has been started and more worryingly I’m upset that my DD received such vitriolic messages about killing herself. DD is adamant she doesn’t want me to speak to police, but I simply don’t feel comfortable doing nothing given I am also being brought into whatever vendetta this boy has. I wondered about going there tomorrow morning, calmly, to speak to his parents and let them know my concerns about the serious nature of the messages he’s sent. I would want to know if my daughter had sent the same kind of message as it feels a bridge too far from normal teenage tiff language.
I do not want to walk into an argument about our children or to try and involve them, but I do feel I need to do something, as it’s so serious that doing nothing feels like letting a bully walk away scot free.

Any advice? Am I being completely naive and this is the worst idea in the world?

OP posts:
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6
Blueyblueyblue · 18/07/2026 23:49

This needs reporting to the police. I’m so sorry this has happened, it’s vile.

eightyearslater · 18/07/2026 23:49

I would go to the police rather than go to his house if he is unstable. And it is a crime to encourage another person to mill themselves. This is awful OP. Good luck.

NuffSaidSam · 18/07/2026 23:51

I'd tell the school and the police. Don't get involved with the parents.

Is this the same one who was messaging about the football a few days ago?

Sausagessss · 18/07/2026 23:51

Police, ASAP.

Oceanlife · 18/07/2026 23:51

Thank goodness he’s not her boyfriend anymore! Seems a bit extreme but yes I’d go to the police and ask them to do a welfare check and also tell his parents immediately. I’d want to know if my kid was in this state.

Tryingtobenormal124 · 18/07/2026 23:54

Definitely the police. He's 15, knows exactly what he's doing. So sorry your daughter is going through this. Seriously needs police involvement for any further repercussions.

Boreded · 18/07/2026 23:54

Police not parents.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 18/07/2026 23:55

Police.

rivalsbinge · 18/07/2026 23:56

Op I had similar situation and spoke to the police who took it very seriously and it was resolved very quickly, my DS was so nervous about our actions and begged me not too, but he’s since said he felt safe and protected and learnt to not take shit from people. You’ll be teaching your DD how to protect herself and her boundaries will be so strong based on your next steps.

PollyBell · 18/07/2026 23:58

Report it to the police then block the number it is simple if you make it simple

ILoveMyCaravan · 18/07/2026 23:58

100% police and quickly.

SaySomethingMan · 18/07/2026 23:58

Some children sadly actually took their own life because they were told to online.
Please report it to the police. Your poor DD.
And the boy, what horrible things for him to say!

julesover40 · 18/07/2026 23:59

NuffSaidSam · 18/07/2026 23:51

I'd tell the school and the police. Don't get involved with the parents.

Is this the same one who was messaging about the football a few days ago?

As per Pp, absolutely report to School and police. Do not engage with his parents x

Stopsnowing · Yesterday 00:00

Police.
This is extremely serious.

Duckagogo · Yesterday 00:01

Drive to a police station now. Report.

TappyGilmore · Yesterday 00:01

I’d go to the police if you don’t know the parents/family. I’d only say parents first if you know them. I would say report to school also, but if on summer break then probably not really an option.

jossbee · Yesterday 00:06

The parents need to be aware but it doesn’t need to be you putting yourself in the firing line. Tell the police, let them deal with it. What a horrible little toad he is.

ThingsCouldBeEasier · Yesterday 00:08

Tell police

TessSaysYes · Yesterday 00:10

Sausagessss · 18/07/2026 23:51

Police, ASAP.

This is very serious. I support what others are saying.

Teenagerantruns · Yesterday 00:11

I think the police is a bit extreme? Especially if you can talk to his parents. Just send them screen shots of his messages ask them to deal with it.
thenn get her to block him on everything

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · Yesterday 00:11

Police and school. My goodness so toxic.

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · Yesterday 00:12

Teenagerantruns · Yesterday 00:11

I think the police is a bit extreme? Especially if you can talk to his parents. Just send them screen shots of his messages ask them to deal with it.
thenn get her to block him on everything

Ignore this minimising.

ittakesalongtimr · Yesterday 00:13

thank you all.
DD is absolutely adamant I’m not to call the police and says she won’t talk to them / will delete everything, she became hysterical at prospect of it, as it was my initial thought. She’s so vulnerable tonight I don’t want to against her wishes (begging) about the police. I guess it’s why I thought me going round (not
in an aggressive manner, I’m the least confrontational person in the world) but to say I think you need to know what your son has sent DD and it includes serious rumours about me and our marriage which could be devastating to some families and I think you should know. And then likely walk away as I’m not sure a helpful conversation will ensue.

OP posts: