AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

[ittakesalongtimr]

Can’t believe I’m writing this but desperate for some advice. DD14 was in a very brief relationship with a boy of 15. About a month. He came to our house a few times and seemed nice, we had a few chats and the same happened when DD when to his house. They go to school together. I don’t know the family at all.
They split up about 3 weeks ago, I’m still not sure why as DD didn’t tell me details but she was very upset for a few days. Hadn’t heard anything about the boy (I’ll call him Matt here) until today when her phone simply didn’t stop buzzing and she looked increasingly worried. She eventually told me tonight he has been messaging her telling her to jump off a bridge and kill herself, and added in messages about how old I am to be a mum of a teenager (not untrue but ouch) and that I’m cheating on my husband with (and then named a dad of someone in DD year). It’s nonsense but I’m upset this rumour has been started and more worryingly I’m upset that my DD received such vitriolic messages about killing herself. DD is adamant she doesn’t want me to speak to police, but I simply don’t feel comfortable doing nothing given I am also being brought into whatever vendetta this boy has. I wondered about going there tomorrow morning, calmly, to speak to his parents and let them know my concerns about the serious nature of the messages he’s sent. I would want to know if my daughter had sent the same kind of message as it feels a bridge too far from normal teenage tiff language.
I do not want to walk into an argument about our children or to try and involve them, but I do feel I need to do something, as it’s so serious that doing nothing feels like letting a bully walk away scot free.

Any advice? Am I being completely naive and this is the worst idea in the world?

The police can retrieve snap chat messages

You take the phone to the police in the morning and tell them what's happened

Im so sorry this is happening to you and your family

Seriously, dont pussy foot around, go to the police

A 14 year old doesn't have the judgement necessary to deal with a boy telling her to kill herself. This is where you parent and you act in her best interests. Call the police.

This is not all about you something is very wrong if you think this

This. She's terrified and can't be the one to decide.

Contact the police - this is not your daughter's call. Her safety is much more important than anything else. I hope everything gets worked out for all your sakes.

We had one on our community. Don't underestimate the power of online communication. It's reality for our children.

Not sure where in any of this I’ve made this all about me?

I didn’t know this, thank you so much. I’ll do this first thing tomorrow.

I know you said your DD doesn't want you to involve police but I think you really need to this boy clearly has some mental health issues,that aside this is way too much for a 14 year old girl to process, telling someone to harm themselves is a criminal offence.

Also making up rumours about you,he's deliberately playing with her emotions,and no your not being naive you are doing your best to protect your daughter,and in time she will absolutely understand this behaviour needs to be challenged.

And it's definitely way out of the normal teenage boy behaviour,I have a son his age and I can tell you if he was behaving in this way towards a girl,I would definitely expect the police knocking the door and he wouldn't be having a mobile phone again until he's 18.

Please report this for the sake of your daughter's emotional wellbeing being and peace of mind for her safety.

Thank you, that’s how I feel. If my DD had sent these things to someone else I would want to know as it would feel so serious so me.

I shouldn't just feel serious. It IS serious.

Why you think (unfounded?) allegations about an affair by a teen boy are on a same level of concern as instructions by him for your daughter to kill herself, is strangly bizarre.

OP as the parent you reassure your DD that this is bigger than her and you and the right thing to do is involve the police. Be firm and certain.
Her belief has been shattered - in her naive youth she thought this guy turned monster was great. You have to take charge for her and go to the police. Make sure she knows it’s him not her and she’s done nothing wrong. Your parental duty is to take the phone to the police

Read what you posted. You made it very much about you and the allegations of an affair. Which isn't a thing, so it's important that everyone knows it's not a thing. Very important, apparently.

I’m a police officer who examines phones, and no, we can’t. Once gone they are gone.

That’s what I’d read on Google and feared.

Don't approach the parents. Go straight to the police.

You call 101, any time!

I asked for advice about going to speak to his parents about his messages telling DD to kill herself and vile messages about my alleged affair with someone at their school. It was this part that was upsetting her most as she was embarrassed everyone in group chats was talking about it. Felt entirely
relevant to mention as it seems a really odd thing for a teenager to do, alongside the main worry of him telling her to kill herself. Pedantic picking over me writing the post quickly is unhelpful to say the least.

Not accordingto Google.

" Yes, the police can retrieve Snapchat messages by either seizing and using forensic tools on physical devices or by serving legal warrants directly to Snap Inc. Law Enforcement."

Focus on what the boy said to your daughter about killing herself. This needs to be stopped immediately. Let go of the idea of speaking to his parents yourself, it's not the best way to handle something as serious as this. Once the school and police know, they'll inform the boy's parents.

From my experience, there’s no point telling school, just call 101 any time. It’s difficult to tell someone at school when you aren’t allowed to name them, focus on explaining everything to police.

Sorry but they can

OP, you need to report this immediately as snap chat delete the messages from their servers within 30 days so they need to move quick

There is a case here ( NI ) where the police have recovered snap chat messages ( sex abuse )

Even if you arnt ready to go to the police, report to snap chat and that will alert them not to delete from their servers

He's telling your DD to kill herself. I'm not saying your DD will but kids have acted on this in the past. That makes the affair allegations seem relatively trivial. I don't see how you can focus on that when he's telling your DD to kill herself.

Shit, maybe I am doing my job wrong!!

🙄

No. We can’t. Gone is gone.

And should we by some miracle get an MLAT authorised by CPS to send to Snapchat (and we are talking murder-level offences here) we would find that they also do not have copies of messages sent either.