How to leave DP when I’m a SAHM.

[Optionsneeded]

SAHM. Two children under the age of 5.

My partner does nothing other than work and pay for everything.

I do 100% of the childcare and housework, even at weekends. Anytime I ask for help with anything around the house, it’s met with huffing and puffing and although it’s never been said out loud, I know he expects that this is my job as he goes to work. I genuinely mean that I do 100% of everything house and child related.

I am completely fed up of this.

I had our first DC right after finishing university (there is an 19 year age gap between us). Unfortunately I am no longer qualified to go back into what I trained as, and would need to start back from the beginning with a new career. However I have no time to train in anything as I do 100% of the childcare. DP will not pay for any childcare nor would he reduce his house to help with this.

I would like to make a plan to leave but I’m stuck. We are not married. Looking for ideas and advice on my next steps.

She did a pharmacy degree and as they are overseen by a regulatory body a lot of students fail actually. It is not worthless at all.

If someone is working all day, especially in running their own business, to pay all the bills, that is pulling their own weight.

Running before you can walk.

She's never worked full time.

Hasn't worked even part time since uni 5 years ago.

Hasn't gained a professional qualification post graduation.

... So she's competing with younger, hungrier, FREE-ER graduates (time/mobility), with full Cv's, no 'gaps', recent references and so on...

Tesco is a start. Jesus.

No one will be queuing up to offer the OP employment when there are so many others looking for work who have had a really tough last few years... Not living in a nice house with the privilege of raising her own children with zero worries.

She's bored, fed up. But hardly persecuted or abused. As a previous poster has said, the police would tell her to stop wasting their time...

My friend separated from her partner and they weren’t married and she still got a percentage of the assets and similar situation it was his mortgage but she got some equity out for contributions towards the relationship

I’d say go and see a solicitor as everyone’s situations are different but don’t sell yourself short and someone with legal experience can tell you what can and can’t happen.

eg OP has been a SAHP and so has contributed towards the family not by earning money but by not earning money and being a care giver

I’d say to anyone take some proper advice here.

Many single people work all day, pay the bills, come home and have to pick up their own clothes and get their own meal.

It's not 'nothing', she's his housekeeper and full time childminder.

What do you expect her to do with the kids while she works in McDonalds?

So if they were single would they just not bother to clean their home? Make themselves food? Any partner who doesn’t help around the house is a lousy one.

What is your plan for how this woman with no money of her own signs up to childcare so she can work a shift at track or McDonald’s? Or is she taking the dc with her? They aren’t places particularly known for their school hours shifts so it would be both dc probably not just the little one. Maybe they can look after each other?

I agree… this is a really good degree! You have to be smart to get it. Meaning surely OP is able to get a good job. I was trying to be encouraging for her to find her confidence to support herself and grow her career 😃

But if she was single she would surely be having to pay her own mortgage, groceries, bills, insurance, etc.

No the OP makes it clear he makes 14k a month but doesn't do much, just decisions and sitting behind a desk.

The money comes easy.

She says so. Although she's never had a proper job.

And he plays golf...!

(golf is crap, so we agree there).

She has no respect for him really... She just wants the £££)

Just get a job or find another rich man. Easy really. Problem solved.

Because marriage offers some level of financial protection. Had the OP been married she would be entitled to a share of the property, of his pension, of the finances. As it stands she is entitled to nothing. OP staying home and looking after the children has meant she has not had a job, not built a pension pot and not given herself any ability to save for her future but has aided her partner to build all of these things whilst she is cook, cleaner and childcare.

I thought this was basic knowledge so its odd you ask why people are asking about this.

Its one thing to be unmarried and financially independent if you remain working, but when you freeze all earning potential, all ability to build your financial future by staying at home and arent married, you are fucking yourself over financially. This guy has had all the benefit and none of the disadvantage of this situation and the fact that in 2026 so many women still dont realise this and find themselves in this situation is concerning.

What do you suggest she does with her children while she goes to work? She's already said he won't pay for or help with childcare. While she's living with him she won't be entitled to support with childcare. She needs to contact women's aid who can support her to leave, then she'll be entitled to uc who will pay up to 80% of childcare costs while she works.

You’ve left yourself incredibly vulnerable OP, I would make a medium term plan that involves marrying him in the next 6-12 months before planning your exit from there.

JFC I cannot believe all the posts, from women, saying OP is being unreasonable.
If both OP and her DH worked f/t outside the home they'd both still be responsible to run the household and look after their kids.
It makes no difference that one person dies not have paid employment. Earning a wage is not a pass from caring for your children or keeping your home clean. Children and a household are 24/7/365 responsibilities. There are two adults in the home and the care and duties should be shared.
The overt misogyny and chauvinism here is infuriating. Any self-respecting man would want to relieve his wife and give her a break.
BTW if there is so much money hire a nanny and housekeeper a few days a week so OP can take a break - or use that tone to go back to school and re-build her independence.

Piling on @Optionsneeded, accusing her of having had her eyes wide open, of having been a gold digger, of having been the other women are bullying and hateful. Stop and take a moment to wonder why you, as a woman, feel the need to perpetuate such misogynistic bigotry to protect the oppressive patriarchal system that so many women suffer under in one way or another.

People usually get married because they love each other, now people get married because of money!!

Op, you’re clever. You have a pharmacy degree.

Get focussed on what you want to do. You need to work and be independent. Slowly slowly achieve it. You’re bright - you can do anything.

You were so young and your h is much older. Ignore the awful comments on here. Just go for what you want to do. I know you will love being independent and free. It will take a while but you can do it!!

Well she's stuffed then :)

She can't do shift work because he won't pay for childcare and her wages won't be enough in Tesco to pay.

She can't do any work because he won't pay any child care costs.

Essentially, by having kids, not using contraception, twice, she's entirely unemployable.

Oh well, never mind.

She made her choices 5yrs ago. She's got a nice life now. She just doesn't want that any more as the nice house, hols, etc, which were so fab at 20, aren't so cool now. She's bored.

She made her bed.

She can always leave, but, as everyone else has said, it will be a struggle... That'll counterbalance the 'easy' years I her early 20s when thus sucker paid for everything and she was perfectly capable of working, but CHOSE NOT TO.

She made her bedddd

How much of this does he give you each month ? Any chance you can squirrel some away ?

No it's not. Once home everyone should help out. It's not fair to put it all on the sahp who's got young children to care for. I can't imagine coming home and expecting to be waited on and do nothing just because I pay the bills.

Are you serious?
The entire history of women's security and literal survival has been based on marrying for money in one form or another. Read a book fgs.

So you think she is only with him for the money even though she isn't receiving any? If it is such a good deal why do you think she wants to leave?

Are you serious? Marriage has always been about security.

Abused? Did you not read the bit where she agreed to be a SAHM. Calling that abuse is deeply, deeply offensive to anyone who actually been abused. She made her bed when she threw away her career, independence and self-respect when she agreed to be a childminder and housekeeper for a rich man.

Your comments are hateful and disgusting. Are you jealous or do you detest women?

>Well she's stuffed then :)
>Essentially, by having kids, not using contraception, twice, she's entirely unemployable.
>She made her choices 5yrs ago. She's got a nice life now. She just doesn't want that any more as the nice house, hols, etc, which were so fab at 20, aren't so cool now. She's bored.
>She made her bed.
She can always leave, but, as everyone else has said, it will be a struggle... That'll counterbalance the 'easy' years I her early 20s when thus sucker paid for everything and she was perfectly capable of working, but CHOSE NOT TO.
She made her bedddd

Christ on a bike your comments are vile. 🤮