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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to challenge OUT OF CONTROL parents group chat?

253 replies

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 09:54

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

OP posts:
HobgoblinNorFoulFiend · 18/07/2026 09:55

No.

TeenLifeMum · 18/07/2026 09:57

No you don’t get to police an adult chat. Options are you leave or suck it up.

holachicatita · 18/07/2026 09:57

This does sound a bit intense. I have many many WhatsApp groups for my four children but nothing on this scale. Rather than leave you can archive the chat. It means when you open your WhatsApp you don't see the messages pop up. I currently have 10 archived and it gives me peace - but I will check in occasionally. If anyone really wants you they can message you directly.

cestlavielife · 18/07/2026 09:58

Don't be silly. You just need to regulate your use of it. Put on silent. Skim thru at a time that suits you in case anything important.

NattyCatsBigSister · 18/07/2026 09:59

I wouldn't bother. Just leave it or mute it and archive it. Or lock it. The school can't police everything.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/07/2026 10:00

Mute the chat and look at it when you want to. There's unlikely to be anything urgent.

CheeseyNacho · 18/07/2026 10:02

What time would it be acceptable for people who work night shifts to post?

like other have said, just mute or archive the chat and check in when you want to find something out.

hellisemptyandallthedevilsarehere · 18/07/2026 10:02

You can’t ask the school to parent adults. Take responsibility for your own use of chat groups- and learn from it for your children. Have extremely strict rules around group chats or don’t give them a phone. If adults are this unable to manage their chats, imagine a 10/12/14 year old. A cesspit.

ConfusedSoShutUp · 18/07/2026 10:03

The school do not need this shit (from you...(what parent's do on a parents WhatApp is down to the parents.
It might work for some.
Change your settings. On WhatsApp and silence your phone from 9pm-7am

FckThisShit · 18/07/2026 10:05

Just mute the group and look at it when you want to look at it.

saltnpepperchips · 18/07/2026 10:07

Just archive it and check when needed

MojoMoon · 18/07/2026 10:07

Schools exist to educate children.

Not to try and police WhatsApp groups of adults who have chosen to be the that group.

You can just leave if you don't like it. Parents managed to successfully raise children and get them through primary education prior to WhatsApp groups - or even mobile phones - existing.

In any case how would the school police this? Are you hoping the teachers join the group and then spend their non-working hours telling off other parents who break your rules on timing?

Mariettta · 18/07/2026 10:07

Just archive it. Or leave the group. The school will inform you of anything important.
There are intense nutters everywhere. I left my road whatsapp group that started off quite useful and ended up with a couple of weirdos ranting about all sorts. Better for your mental peace to leave any whatsapp group that is out of control.

Springsummertime · 18/07/2026 10:13

Get a grip and do not involve the school they are there to educate children not police adult what’s app group! If it’s really causing you that much stress leave the group! Honestly though it’s worrying that a parents what’s app group is causing you this much stress and you don’t have the common sense to mute it or delete it!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 18/07/2026 10:15

I would archive and set your WhatsApp notifications to silent. Just check every week or so in term time. If things are being repeated so much you’ll only have to look at the last few messages each time you check.

congratulations for the new baby!

Minasama · 18/07/2026 10:19

I don’t have notifications on WhatsApp for precisely this reason. Otherwise I would go insane.
It isn’t up to school to regulate and you will just cause bad feeling by raising it. Some people are working hard to raise money here and you shouldn’t put a downer on their efforts.
Turn off notifications, and just check the chat now and then. You’ll be fine.

WonderfulSmith · 18/07/2026 10:20

It has nothing to do with the school. Put it on mute during certain times or leave. School staff have enough to do and don’t have time to tell grown adults what to do. Can you imagine the head teacher popping up and telling everyone to go to bed!

MyThreeWords · 18/07/2026 10:21

Is it a formal group that has some official connection with the school? Or is is just set up by parents? Not the school's responsibility unless they set it up.

Either way, couldn't you just look at posts made by the class reps and PTFA and ignore everyone else's? Is it the only place to get necessary info from reps and PTFA, or do they use other channels?

At worst, could you ask them to consider using a more restrictive, dedicated announcement group?

Pushmepullu · 18/07/2026 10:22

I have muted most WhatsApp groups I’m in as I can’t stand the constant thumbs up when a message is sent, or the 20+ performative “hope you’re ok” replies when someone says they are not attending something or other. It’s liberating!

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 10:24

Thanks for the heads up regarding archiving- I didn’t know I could do this! I don’t want to leave the group because I do miss important things from time to time and I also like to offer my help on the odd occasion. No I’m not expecting the school to ‘police’ the chat - more-so hoping for a message to be sent out to the reps or PTFA to relay the concept of basic consideration and spamming parents 24/7. It’s also not about trying to control ‘adult chat’ it’s mainly expecting people to show some basic courtesy and respect. I wouldn’t message family members or a neighbour at gone midnight or 5:50am in tbe morning. Why would I then message 90 parents doing exactly that?! It’s crazy. Especially as someone usually responds and off it goes again! The group chat is the only channel for comms from all avenues other than a slightly ambiguous weekly newsletter which really sets everyone off.

OP posts:
SpottyPyjama · 18/07/2026 10:25

The school has enough to do without being expected to police grown adults on an optional group chat where people
are perfectly capable of leaving or muting.

Auroraloves · 18/07/2026 10:28

Mute it. Put it in your locked chats or archive it.

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2026 10:28

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 10:24

Thanks for the heads up regarding archiving- I didn’t know I could do this! I don’t want to leave the group because I do miss important things from time to time and I also like to offer my help on the odd occasion. No I’m not expecting the school to ‘police’ the chat - more-so hoping for a message to be sent out to the reps or PTFA to relay the concept of basic consideration and spamming parents 24/7. It’s also not about trying to control ‘adult chat’ it’s mainly expecting people to show some basic courtesy and respect. I wouldn’t message family members or a neighbour at gone midnight or 5:50am in tbe morning. Why would I then message 90 parents doing exactly that?! It’s crazy. Especially as someone usually responds and off it goes again! The group chat is the only channel for comms from all avenues other than a slightly ambiguous weekly newsletter which really sets everyone off.

Edited

If you really want that message to be sent to the chat about how and when they should post then you need to own it and send it yourself. It’s not the school’s job.

The best thing to do is to manage your own usage. Only check once a day and then it won’t stress you as much.

GreenWheat · 18/07/2026 10:29

It's very frustrating that some people just can't monitor themselves and don't think twice about posting whenever they fancy it, but you won't change them unfortunately. The only thing you can do is either leave the group or archive and check it every few days or so.

ChaToilLeam · 18/07/2026 10:30

Mute it and check only when it suits you.

This is not the school's job.