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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to challenge OUT OF CONTROL parents group chat?

254 replies

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 09:54

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · Yesterday 13:01

Christ this is the problem with people who don’t know how to use their phones properly!
I’m part of 2 incredibly active chats, I tend to message late at night, some of the others message at 5am because that’s when their toddler wakes up!

my phone is set to DO NOT DISTURB from 22:00 - 8:00 everyday. All notifications are silenced apart from my mum and dad’s numbers if they call, and my daughter’s medical alarms. Everything else - silenced!

You can also ‘archive’ the chat which means you won’t get any alerts at all but can open it and read whenever you want to.

what you don’t do is announce you’re leaving because of X Y & Z…. Nothing more annoying that people who do this..

Also don’t mention to the school as doubt they run the group.. these things are usually run by a well meaning parent

RottenApplesSpoilTheLot · Yesterday 13:08

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 13:00

Thanks for some the kinder messages. I’m well aware I’m an adult. I have my phone on silent usually anyway and have mentioned I’ve muted the chat in the past however it doesn’t stop it displaying on my phone. It means everytime I pick up my phone and I mean everytime there are multiple messages from school including weekends! I am allowed to be sick of it. I see what’s app as much more personal than email tbh so maybe that’s where I’ll have to agree to disagree with some of you and as I said previously a lot of it is repeat messages and adverts for events: I think it needs to be better managed by the PTA and reps and there’s been some really good suggestions. I won’t contact the school but I will be making some suggestions to reps in September and archiving for now!

You CAN stop it displaying on your phone - you just need to mute notifications for that chat. I have some groups like that - where messages sometimes come in at inconvenient times for me - so I just mute those groups.

On an Iphone you go into WA, click on the group name at the top, go into settings - there you can control notifications for that one chat.

ThisSereneGoose · Yesterday 13:28

MellersSmellers · Yesterday 10:24

Well I'm with you OP! Sounds a nightmare
It's completely ridiculous to have a group chat with 90 people in it. If this is a key communication channel for the school then YES they are involved and do have to set out some clear principles on what such groups are for and expectations around how they are used.
Surely one chat per class, managed by the class rep(s), is enough. With a separate chat group between the PTA and the class reps so that messages are cascaded down. The school needn't police any chat on a day to day basis, but they do need to set out some basic principles at the outset.

don't like them? Don't join them.
It's not that hard

The school needn't police any chat on a day to day basis, but they do need to set out some basic principles at the outset.
no they really don't. You are an adult, you don't need the school office to hold your hand and manage everything for you.

Waspy43 · Yesterday 16:36

This is why I am not part of any school / parent WhatsApp group
Easy solution Leave the group or put it on silent

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