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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to challenge OUT OF CONTROL parents group chat?

254 replies

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 09:54

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

OP posts:
FeetupTvon · 18/07/2026 14:57

I agree- archive it.

Overthehillmum63 · 18/07/2026 15:04

We had nothing like this when my kids were at school and we all survived. Just look at it now and then.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 18/07/2026 15:16

Midnight or 6am might be the time they have to settle down and catch up on WhatsApp, people should be able to message whenever is convenient to them - we all have busy lives and need to do what works for us. Go on silent if you don’t want to know about it.

beAsensible1 · 18/07/2026 16:11

As the group moderator at most or get them to pin the house rules. I’d just mute it.

you don’t have to open it.

ThisSereneGoose · 18/07/2026 16:32

Overthehillmum63 · 18/07/2026 15:04

We had nothing like this when my kids were at school and we all survived. Just look at it now and then.

and people survive without running water, electricity and surgery otherwise we wouldn't be here today.

Fabulous.

FriendlyNPC · 18/07/2026 16:49

I don't think there is any way to administrate a whatsapp group, that's up to you to do it from your end.

Honestly I'd just leave. I was never any part of a school whatsapp, school sent out emails and letters for important stuff, which I'm sure your school does as well.

Hankunamatata · 18/07/2026 16:55

I used to to mist pta admin either midnight as everyone was in bed, id completed household stuff and I could finally do pta crap that I needed to do

scottishGirl · 18/07/2026 17:42

I would contact the 'admins' of the group chat directly with your suggestions. When you click on the bit that shows you who is in the chat it says who the admins are. It's nothing to do with the school so would not be contacting them.

Alternatively, archive the group and just read it now and again to catch up without receiving all the notifications.

TheatreTraveller · 18/07/2026 18:50

I don't think I've ever read anything so entitled honestly. Fgs just be an adult and use your phone/messages when it works for you.

Are you seriously thinking about asking a school/moderator to ask an entire 90 other adults to only be allowed to send a message at specific times that are convenient to you? Despite when it may be convenient for them? Do you realise how you're coming across?

I do all my admin/emails early morning 5.30-6.30. I work 50hrs per week, have 2 young children, a disabled parent and kids activities most nights. I crawl into bed and am asleep by about 9ish most nights but wouldn't dream of asking people not to use any of the group chats after 9!

DrWhosJazzyScarf · 18/07/2026 18:59

Mute the chat, check in at a time that suits you. Not everyone keeps to the same timetable.

ThisSereneGoose · 18/07/2026 19:00

scottishGirl · 18/07/2026 17:42

I would contact the 'admins' of the group chat directly with your suggestions. When you click on the bit that shows you who is in the chat it says who the admins are. It's nothing to do with the school so would not be contacting them.

Alternatively, archive the group and just read it now and again to catch up without receiving all the notifications.

what on earth do you want the poor admin to do?

Pin a message saying "attention everyone, because SySy7 requested it, none of the 89 people on this group are allowed to send message outside a 9am to 7pm window? Too bad if it's very inconvenient for you, if you are working and with your kids during these hours, one person gets to dictate rules on how people use whatsapp"

Can you picture it? 😂

AquaShark · 18/07/2026 20:08

The thing is maybe the other parent only sits down to catch up on life admin first thing or last thing. Maybe at 7am they are full on with lunch boxes, chivving kids to get dressed, eat breakfast, clean teeth etc

Can't you just have a silent time on your phone for no notifixations? Mine is set 10 pm to 7 am so this sort of c**p doesn't annoy me

scottishGirl · 18/07/2026 21:25

ThisSereneGoose · 18/07/2026 19:00

what on earth do you want the poor admin to do?

Pin a message saying "attention everyone, because SySy7 requested it, none of the 89 people on this group are allowed to send message outside a 9am to 7pm window? Too bad if it's very inconvenient for you, if you are working and with your kids during these hours, one person gets to dictate rules on how people use whatsapp"

Can you picture it? 😂

I just meant that the school is not appropriate to contact, OP originally stated she was considering contacting the school. If OP feels she needs to make suggestions, I was just suggesting the group admin/PTA members/reps are more appropriate. Up to them how they respond, it they choose to.

Gealach · 18/07/2026 21:33

Just mute it.

And if your kids are small brace yourself for what’s ahead: I have multiple what’s app groups for the kids activities and have to weed through 100’s of Johnny has lost his water bottle, have you seen it … no… not here… what colour is it …. In order to pull out the important match time information.

BuildbyNumbere · 18/07/2026 22:22

Just mute it and skim through as and when … it’s not that hard 🙄

Rondayvu · 18/07/2026 22:38

You are a grown up I presume so mute your chat like the rest of us do and stop bloody whinging about it.

Leavesandthings · 18/07/2026 22:43

Suggest that important information or announcements are pinned or written @ all or something.

Many parents will be feeling the same and will jump on to say it's a good idea.

Then just calmly ignore everything in the chat apart from a quick perusal of the important announcements.

It does seem like you are way too annoyed about a WhatsApp group though. Just mute it. And if you miss something, apologise and say you had to mute the chat because it was too hectic for you and disturbing you at antisocial times.

Pistachiocake · 18/07/2026 22:47

Only thing unreasonable is being in groups like this-either leave, or keep muted all the time. If someone really needs you, they can contact you directly. I once unmuted all my groups (off sick and bored) and it's actually scary, as you say, how it was constant pinging all day and night. We all managed before we had them, no problem!

PinkCatCushion · 18/07/2026 22:49

Why don’t YOU ask people on the group chat to stop spamming. Why on earth would you expect teachers to do that? It’s nothing to do with them and they already have enough ridiculous requests which are way out of their remit of educating children.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 18/07/2026 22:51

saltnpepperchips · 18/07/2026 10:07

Just archive it and check when needed

This
don’t get yourself worked up over something so ridiculously
pick your battles

hooverthefloor · 18/07/2026 23:24

YANBU to be annoyed if people are posting the same thing repeatedly, or irrelevant things.

YABU re the timings of messages. You need to learn how to use your phone settings to avoid being disturbed.

Harry12345 · 19/07/2026 01:43

There’s a way to stop the messages popping up on your screen, google will tell you how, I need to go onto the app to see if I have any notifications

Summerbay23 · 19/07/2026 05:14

Just set do not disturb times on your phone. I’m currently overseas so of course I message when I’m awake but other people might not be.It’s up to individuals to set their own quiet time surely??? Otherwise his would it work. My DS is also on holiday overseas so messages in her time zone too.

garlictwist · 19/07/2026 05:54

Just mute the chat.

Ethelspagetti · 19/07/2026 08:17

I achieve those kind of chats for a while. If I feel better after 3 months and don’t need to go on it then I’d leave it.