AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

A one off - or very occasional emergency help out - fine.

a lazy arse neighbour who assumes someone else will provide for them on a regular basis - nope.

If I had paracetomol in my house and any kid was spiking a temp. I would give them my last drop, no question.

I think I would have given her another dose at 6.30 - while I totally understand it’s frustrating to be disturbed so early, her child is sick and she might not be able to leave them alone to pop out when shop is open. But later on I would be sending her a very direct message saying enough is enough, you are fed up of having to supplement her lack of planning in getting the basics in and she needs to sort herself out. If it’s money that’s the issue, there are charities and local council grants that might help.

Yanbu

i am amazed by the number of people who will latch onto strangers and think it’s ok to bother them at any time of day (that bothers me more than the asking for stuff tbh - my sleep is important!!)

is she on her own?

and does your DH realise he’s perfectly capable of opening the door and doesn’t need your permission

I’d have given her the Calpol and addressed the borrowing issue another time.

On the basis the child was unwell I'd definitely given her a couple of doses if not the bottle. It's ok to make it clear that's it though. Your husband has a point.

I couldn’t have refused a sick child calpol.

You need to have a straight talk with her, pointing out that parents need to keep supplies of basic medicines , plasters etc, and is something stopping her doing that? If so there may be help available, but she can't keep disturbing you.

Honestly no I would be feeling the same as you. It's one thing to help out a neighbour but she needs to learn to be responsible for her own child. Surely most parents have a bottle of Calpol in the house for just this situation and you'd already given her one bottle.

Not giving the Calpol was heartless.

You could have addressed the borrowing in a way that didn't leave a child suffering.

I gave a whole new bottle the first time she asked, because I thought she had just moved in so probably hadn’t even unpacked. I don’t think I should feel guilty as it’s not my responsibility and I gave her 1 dose last night. Maybe it will be the push she needed to be organised if her child had a temperature and she couldn’t get more Calpol immediately?

There’s an assumption the child actually needed calpol - OP is probably right that the mother needs support. Although I am assuming she is on her own - if she has a partner he could have gone to buy some calpol

OPs DH is very good at telling OP what she should be doing but doesn’t seem to think he can answer the door himself. I think that would irritate me more than the neighbour knocking

She's already given her one whole bottle. Is she supposed to provide her neighbour with Calpol indefinitely until her child leaves home or something?

I would have given her the bottle and been clear I expected it replaced in the next two days and followed up with her if not.

I wouldn’t have left a sick child without meds even if it wasn’t my responsibility.

I don't disagree about giving a bit more Calpol in the first instance but the problem with "making it clear that's it" is that for takers like her that message doesn't land unless you deliver at the point of need and force them to do something themselves. Otherwise it's just "yeah, yeah, course, yeah" and then back to business as usual next time.

How mean are you. A bottle is just a few pounds. I can’t imagine being so petty enough to give her just one syringe with a sick child. You want her to take her sick child with a spiking fever out to the shops looking for meds.
I would have given it to her and addressed the issue another time

Have the requests just been baby wipes and Calpol? I completely get your frustration and it would piss me off but I don't think I could refuse a child medicine. Give the Calpol and have a serious talk with her once the child's well.

My ddad had a neighbour that would knock with a list. Tea, coffee, bit of milk, £5 and 2 cigarettes, all in one go!

You probably recognise the way she knocks on the door so it would be easy to not answer when you are sure it is her. Disturbing you when it is really late or really early is out of order. Ignore her. She will soon get the message how rude she is.

Exactly. NDN fully aware she doesn’t need to spend her money on the boring stuff as ‘next door will have it”

The first two times were baby wipes and Calpol.
The other times were wanting milk, a phone charger, asking did we have any cereal as she had forgotten and the dc needed breakfast (dp gave her a box that time) Calpol other times (in the day so I said to her - the shop is open) last night it wasn’t that was why I gave one dose.

Why on earth had t she bought calpol?
She sounds like a dreadful parent.

Yes I don't see the husband either answering the door or offering to run to the shop. Just commenting critically after OP has dealt with it. Maybe get him to answer the door now OP if you're so heartless. Also leave him to locate whatever it is she wants. Say you don't know if asked..

Pharmacists will give you infant paracetamol for free if you need it too, so it's pretty slack she has never bothered to get more after using yours.

I think you may need to have a talk with this person.

I wouldn't answer the door to her, no way would I put up with getting woken up at 11pm or 6am on a regular basis. Once is fine to help someone out but several times is CF territory. Direct her to the nearest 24hr supermarket or garage shop.

<sarcasm> Maybe pop her address up and all the people suggesting YABU would happily pop round with some for her 😉.

YANBU she needs to take responsibility, and she has had plenty of opportunity. Stick to your boundaries.
And I wouldn’t be opening the door at 11pm.