AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

God how odd she's just using you as a free shop!

Is she single, maybe an ulterior motive of trying to get under your DH's skin. When she comes round is she all dolled up?

A child with a fever needs more than one dose of Calpol. That need trumps any annoyance with the neighbour.

Would she return the favour?

I think SS need to have a talk with this person. She’s sounds like she’s struggling with the basics.

Yanbu op she needs to get a grip and sort herself out.

I knew someone would say this. MN is wonderful. 😂

Early morning give your husband a list of calpol x2 (one for neighbour), cereal x2 (one for neighbour) etc. Then just as he's going to the shop say, "oh maybe get three of everything so we can give the neighbour two of everything in case she runs out".
He may start to see your point.

YANBU she's taking the piss. If someone knocked my door at 11pm and 6:30am I'd have given them a piece of my mind. Especially when she's constantly on the beg.

A dose once, in an emergency, not the bottle. You can get calpol next day via Amazon. CF.

Is the child sick? How do you know?

Not having basics like that (no cereal, no wipes, no basic medicine) suggests that either she’s really not grasping what it means to actually be a parent, or that money is a serious issue. Either way it’s bad for her kids. I think I’d have given more calpol this morning because I’m a soft touch, but I appreciate this won’t solve your problem. I think you need to have a chat with her. Knocking at both 11pm or 6.30am is totally unreasonable behaviour and must never happen again. I’d try to approach it by asking what’s going on, and if she needs help I’d see if I could signpost this for her. Your husband is a separate problem- he can always get himself up and deal with it if he feels so strongly!

Bingo. You win the thread. Was waiting for someone to come up with something like that.

The neighbour does appear to be very badly organised and whilst I wouldn’t knowingly leave a child to suffer pain or high temperature I can see how this constant begging…….and I say that because it doesn’t seem as though anything is being borrowed and returned/replaced………is bloody annoying! neighbour needs to get her priorities right!

She’s taking the piss! Sadly as someone else said if you keep handing stuff over in her time of need she is never getting the message!

A lack of planning on her part doesn't equal an emergency on yours. I'd be fuming to be woken up

YANBU OP, what does your DH suggest you do if you give away your bottle of calpol and your own child wakes in the night needing it? I bet your CF neighbour wouldn't open the door to you. Why should you take time out of your day when you are working long hours to replace items you have already bought for your family?

She should have realised the last time she had to beg for calpol that she needs to sort her shit out. It is completely unacceptable to knock at someone's door at those hours begging for something that should be a staple in every parent's home. If her child doesn't have calpol it is thier mother's fault. Hopefully this morning has been a wake up call and she won't borrow from you again.

Is she the only adult in the household?

She sounds very peculiar, yours is a very normal response under the circumstances.
l agree we should help our neighbours but in this situation you are just encouraging her disorganisation if you continue to prop up her lack of ability to take responsibility for her own requirements.

This would have me reporting to childrens social care tbh. Is it a case that she has that little food in the house that she cannot rustle up a breakfast for her child, or does she need more general parenting support e.g. working out that whilst its not their usual cereal, but a cheese sandwich makes a perfectly adequate breakfast if you ran out of their usual cereal without realising.

Do you know what her situation is? Is there a partner (financial abuse?)

Whoah. Whoah. Whoah. Stop thinking about you. Stop thinking about her.
Think about the child.
No breakfast.
Huge amounts of calpol.
This child needs a parent who has support.
Ring ss now.
Not out of maliciousness but making sure that support is being given.

Dp is absolutely definitely not her type I can guarantee

In the interest of keeping good neighbourly relations (falling out with neighbours is always to be avoided) - you might think about knocking on her door a bit later this morning, asking if she / the kid if okay, and telling her that you work long hours and don't like to be disturbed late night/early morning because you're knackered and need your sleep.

Remind her where the pharmacy is and tell her that you don't generally keep spare Calpol / cereal / any other random shit that she doesn't have to hand.

Yanbu.

Say You gave her your whole bottle of Calpol last night...what happens then if your kid wakes in the night with earache or a high temp? You don't have any Calpol for your child. And I higly doubt she'd have answered her door at 2am to give you some if that had happened!

This woman sounds pretty useless. I can understand a one off running out of wipes/cereal/Calpol, but regularly? These are just staples that are kept in the house if you have kids.

She's either taking the piss or does genuinely need support, in which case alerting social services could be helpful for her to get extra support

I would offer to look after the child and she goes to buy Calpol or whatever needed.

Why is this the comment you chose to engage with?