AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

Do you think maybe she doesn’t have any money?
not that’s you’re probably I’m just wondering if that’s what it is.

i would of given her the calpol and then gone nuts that she’s knocking at stupid times and told her not to knock again.

She is the sort of CF who wouldn't be seen for hours if someone looks after her DC. OP would then be seen as a potential babysitter from then on.

Your DP is completely spineless.

Because I offer to look after a child so mum can go get some Calpol I don't have to say oh bring the darling over anytime. No is a full answer if I don't want to do it another time.

However, it takes a particularly mean spirit to refuse a sick child calpol.

Especially if you're the actual parent and simply don't buy any.

At 6.30am id have turned my doorbell off and ignored her given shes got form for cadging.

Tbf op has addressed most other comments/questions too but most of the thread is people saying the same thing so not likely to respond individually

I didn't say you'd have to. I said it's liable to open the door to that kind of request. It's up to you what you then do with it, and if it wouldn't be a problem for you to either tell her to piss off or become a regular 'emergency' babysitter then there's no issue at all. I wouldn't want to assume you aren't ok with doing more.

However, with someone like this, it very much is worth thinking about the consequences that are likely to flow from an offer, and whether you want to invite those.

Has she bought back what she borrowed in full size and gave you something to thank you for bailing her out, like flowers?

What if they did it every single time their kid had a temp? Ie they never buy their own calpol.

How do the rest of us make sure there’s always paracetamol there when we need it? We buy more when it runs out/runs low. One-off emergency is different but this situation is just not being bothered.

You don't even need to buy Calpol. It's free from pharmacies.

I'd log a concern with SS.

The possibility of her going further than the nearest shop had also occurred to me! Especially as she knows OP keeps Calpol in.

This

You do need a chat with her unfortunately. How do you think she’ll take it?
I’d start by saying you were sleep deprived so grumpy this morning at being woken up but … sort shit out… etc

I agree with this. She sounds like she’s struggling & I actually would be tempted to call SS - not in a spiteful way, but this doesn’t sound good at all & might add to an overall picture.

If you are on a low income you can get childrens paracetamol liquids free in pharmacies, theres really no need to go begging because you never have it in

You should if you can afford it though (not talking about those struggling). Boots or Tesco own brand is £2-something.

When a pharmacy dispenses "free Calpol" to an eligible patient under schemes like the NHS Minor Ailment Scheme or Pharmacy First, it costs the NHS roughly £5.00 to £9.00 per item. 1, 2]
Even though the patient pays nothing, the true expense to the taxpayer is much higher than the retail price of the medicine because of hidden operational fees

The NHS Total Cost: In parts of the UK where universal free prescriptions cover these items (such as Scotland), data shows that issuing free paracetamol costs the taxpayer an average of £8.53 to £9.10 per pack once dispensing fees are factored in. 1]
The High Street Price: By contrast, a parent can buy a standard unbranded bottle of infant paracetamol over-the-counter at a supermarket or chemist for about £2.00 to £3.50. (For adults, basic paracetamol tablets sell for as little as 29p–39p).

OP is not the neighbour's social worker. It's not her responsibility to organise the woman's life for her.

Didn’t say it was. Start at the top of my post and try again.

This is very concerning behaviour, fair enough once or twice but this is just too much. I wonder if she has mh issues or some kind of drug habbit. Even as a one off even if my neighbour has done this for me the next time I go shopping i would buy her brand new wipes and cslpol

Because I don’t want the thread to go down a certain route he just definitely is not her type. I’ve heard her in the garden with family and the things that get said make me acutely aware that he isn’t her type at all so no worries there

Is she on her own or does she live with someone?

tell your DH to deal with her in future

I knew someone like this, we’d meet up at a local soft play with our toddlers and babies, they only ever had one nappy and next to no wipes (who’d only take one nappy when out for the morning with 2 kids in different sizes) I royally got ticked off quickly!

First time I honestly thought it was a mistake by the 4/5th time I’d had enough and just stopped replying to messages after saying I am not her nappy supplier she did the same to next person she latched onto, the whole thing was weird.

Not as bad as yours @freecalpol but I’d have done the same I am not someone’s shop or free calpol supply. If the mother was that concerned there are 24 hour pharmacist and most supermarkets are open 24/7 or 111 if it was that serious.

Also your dp is spineless maybe they can deal with it and continue to replace all the given items.

I’d have given the bottle and made clear that 1. I wanted the bottle replaced within the next few days. 2. This is the last time I’d be supplying her and she needs to keep adequate supplies, particularly of Calpol.