AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

Has she ever replaced what you have kindly given her?

I’d be concerned about this to be honest. I wouldn’t ask our NDN for anything and wouldn’t expect to be asked either. I realise this was common years ago but it isn’t now, I guess in part because online shopping exists including things like whoosh where things can be delivered quickly. Does she have a car? Some pharmacists are open 24 hours or at least till very late so she could have got some if so. Regardless, every parent should have Calpol in the house.

For me, it’s the constant asking including for things like cereal? Who doesn’t have a box of cereal in? They cost 70p. I think there’s more to this and it sounds quite worrying for the child.

Im
assiming she’s not repackaged anything g you gave her, like a box of cream, botttlenof call… she’s taking the Mickey. Also no regard for you by knocking on your door at 11pm and 630am.

YANBU, I wouldn't entertain this any further either. Your DP is daft. People will absolutely take the piss if you let them.

You can order Calpol via Deliveroo, Uber Eats etc. It wouldn't have ever crossed my mind to bang on a neighbours door for medicine for my own child. I made sure I had it in and I was always skint when he was was small.

Edited for typo.

Ignore me. I read it wrong. You’re right! What if zoo needed it

You'd be an absolute mug to offer this woman childcare.

Exactly, especially as there's now a pattern established. The way this will be stopped is if and when OP and DH refuse a request. Hopefully the morning refusal will do that.

In the circumstances you’re talking about, I’d have given her the bottle of Calpol as she obviously wouldn’t be able to get hold of any more overnight.
Going forward, I’d buy her a big bottle of Calpol and politely say no, I don’t have any spare XXX to any further requests for supplies.

I prob would have given her another dose of Calpol at 6.30am, but as another poster suggested have then had a convo that I couldn’t keep doing this. Any future requests for milk/cereal etc would be met with a no sorry don’t have any spare, on repeat.
it was nice of you to have given her a bottle initially but they’re £4-£5 a bottle? Not couple of quid, so it’s not for you to give her free stuff as a result of her poor planning basically

I don't know who I would report it to but I agree there seems to be some concerns regarding her organisation and therefore care for the baby.
You have given her Calpol in the past, so presumably she has used that bottle and not thought to buy another. Is this due to lack of money? Lack of awareness of keeping some in? Or just being a CF who knows that others will intervene?

You do mention cereal for another child, so could you call them to raise safeguarding concerns? (Although depending on area they may have broken up).

I think you have to stop giving her anything. Otherwise she will never stop asking. She had no intention of buying call because she can get it for free from you! Perhaps she needs to start looking at her groceries and medicine cupboard and make a list each week to shop from!

Nope YANBU. As a semi-retired “people pleaser”, I have encountered numerous people with this exact attitude. They’ll keep on taking until the well runs dry and will feel absolutely NO shame about it. You did the right thing to tell her no. It’s her responsibility to make sure she has what her children need, not yours.

What is unreasonable is that she asks you repeatedly. And asks at dreadful times of the day and night.
Once you can sort of understand. More often not really.
You don’t know her circumstances but I am also very wary of people who try to latch onto you. Now it is Calpol. This will graduate into an item of clothing, or twenty pounds or some other request.
Oh ! Have just read your pp. Am right. She soon expanded into wanting different things.

Happy to be if she runs out for supplies.

11pm and 6.30 am is not on. If it was that urgent she should be going to A&E, or at least the pharmacist. She sounds a bit disorganised.

She's a taker. The more you give, the more she takes. She'll be dropping the baby on your doorstep "to run out for supplies" day and night.

I can't believe people are suggesting OP buy her a bottle of Calpol FFS. What is wrong with people?!

I would have given her two doses as it was clear she would not get more overnight.

I do think you were mean especially at 6:30 .

Have a conversation with her and suggest that she gets more organised .

She knocked r 11.30 last night, shops were closed.
She knocked again at 6.30 this morning (shops still closed)

YANBU to have said to her she needed to buy Calpol
YABU to expect she could have done so when all shops are closed.

Personally if her child is sick I’d have just given her enough last night to see her through until she could buy a bottle,

However it does sound like she may be struggling for some reason. I would point her in the direction of the community supermarkets which are around in every area and which allow lower cost shopping for a small fee. Ours is just £4 a tear. The beauty of them is that there are usually community workers who will help with other issues.

I’m massively disorganised and to my shame had to bundle DS up once and drive to an all night pharmacy for Calpol so “disorganised” I totally get, ongoing borrowing from neighbours though points to a bigger problem,.

Ask DP if he'd this forgiving of NDN & their brazen ways if they had a pair of balls instead of tits.

Is she getting through a startling volume of Calpol or has this been going on for at least six months?

Is she the only adult with multiple children including a baby?

She does sound as though she isn't coping and is possibly over medicating unless the amount of Calpol has been spread over a long time period. Some overwhelmed parents do over medicate when a baby is just a bit grizzly/ not going to sleep and not actually ill, which is potentially dangerous...

It may be she would benefit from an early help assessment and having a keyworker assigned (from social services but nothing punitive, just support) or a voluntary organisation like homestart could support her with a volunteer. www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

You could call the NSPCC phone line for advice (or your husband could, no reason it should be you) - they have a number for adults concerned about a child or family, and it's not "reporting" them to call the NSPCC - 0808 20800 5000 or a local charity nor even social services to ask about early help as she seems to be struggling.

In fact it's the opposite of malicious to get help. A lot of children would benefit if more people moved away from the insular "mind your own business" attitude and called for help on a neighbour's behalf.

A few pounds for some people can mean the difference between food tomorrow or no food tomorrow.
The OP gave her a dose for her sick child and had previously given her a whole bottle. She is NOT mean. The other mother is being a bit of a cheeky mare.

Wow. I would help out any child in need. It's pretty basic and I expect the neighbour feels bad about having to keep asking

Teabags or a cup of sugar would be one thing. I don't think I could imagine turning down late night/ early morning calls for Calpol from a single mum with a sick child. Id like to think I would offer sympathy and support on top of the Calpol.

If I had plenty of calpol I would have given her another box, if I only had the one bottle I would have given her enough doses to get her through the night/early morning so I would have given her the 6.30 dose
The child/ren can’t help that they’ve been lumbered with someone disorganised, struggling or whatever else is going on.
You must have an idea of her support network, does she have family/friends visiting?
If she was asking for something that was obviously for the children and I had it spare, cereal, milk etc then I would give it.
I think it’s worth popping around and having a chat with her today, ask her how the child is explain that you can’t keep getting woken up and to see if you can get idea of what’s going on, I’d worry that this is a small snap shot of a bigger picture.

Mmm, it's a kind thought, but with people like this a one off provision of emergency childcare stands a good chance of not staying a one off.