Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

Yeah, that does sound disappointing. Nothing wrong with a coffee and a catch up. Sorry.

Is she 8 and in need of parallel playing? I don’t think this is a you problem, OP!

It's not nice tbh, had it with other friends where they can have 3 courses, multiple cocktails and so on and I'm on one course with water. It's tough when you're on different incomes and lifestyles.

I didn't know which way to vote but she's not much of a friend.

I have a strict 'social' budget that I need to stick to sadly. An odeon cinema ticket is £12/14, meal with 1 drink can be £15-25, i mean it can be more or less but most friends don't want to sit in wetherspoons.

I can do it for a special occasion, birthdays etc. But not every week.

Why can’t you meet up somewhere that doesn’t cost money ie walk ,park,at home etc?

I think that she's probably a bit frustrated with you agreeing to one thing and then cancelling and suggesting something else.

I would have thought a decent friend would be happy to meet for just a walk or a coffee if she wanted to see you. Within my friendship circle there are many different circumstances so we try and find activities and meet ups that everyone can afford.

She’s not your friend.

I’d sit and drink tap water with my bestie if that’s all we could afford.

This. You don't have to spend any money at all.

That's a terrible friend. I would happily walk in the park or sit at Wetherspoons or have a cheap coffee or Greggs.

Agree she's not your friend. You've been brave enough to be honest about your limited funds and any nice person would accommodate that, such as just having coffee, meeting at each other's houses, taking a picnic to the park etc.

She should be more considerate and also remember that it's possible to have a nice time without it being out of your budget.

Yes, I think that's probably true. Also, OP, have you explicitly told her exactly what you've said here, that you have a monthly social budget of precisely £x amount and aren't able to go beyond it in any circumstances? I think sometimes people think something is obvious when it's not. You also describe her as an 'old colleague' rather than a close friend, so maybe it's not that close a relationship anyway?

If a friend of mine couldn't afford a drink or a meal, I'd probably invite them over here to share a bottle of wine or something.

How about a picnic on the park. Each person brings what they have in the house.

I think it's reasonable to expect her to arrange meetings within your budget if she values your friendship. However if you made arrangements then cancelled later because you couldn't afford it it's not unreasonable of her to be frustrated.

I sort of get it. Yes 💯 a walk and a coffee is fine with a friend. But never meet up, for maybe years? Some people prefer to “do” things with friends- keep up with the cinema, go to the theatre, try a new restaurant Etc.

never sides are wrong, maybe you just want different things from a friendship longer term, sometimes friendships can’t last

Why are you cancelling though?

Surely if you know you can't afford the plans you just don't make them?

Can you not meet at one of your houses. Have a movie night or a meal and/or a few drinks.

She doesn’t sound like a very nice woman to me.

I hope you find some better friends, and when you win the Euro millions, don’t you dare meet up with her!!

Is it that she wants more of an all-night thing rather than a coffee? If so, I would invite her over, make pizzas or something together, drink cocktails, wine, sit in the garden (if you have one) and juts chat the night away.

Solidarity OP. Am similarly constrained by budget and my social circle has dwindled to three very good friends who do get it. One visits every week because we just drink tea and chew the fat, the other two I see when we can meet, and they will often include me in say pizza, because they were going to get it anyway they say. I am so grateful for them. I reciprocate when I can, but they honestly do seem to genuinely value my company.

I am so sorry you are going through this. People really don't understand how isolating it is to have very limited funds. And the "just go for a walk / to the beach - it's free" overlooks that those in urban and rural settings might find 12.00 in bus fare for a round trip to a nice location can be a significant amount.

Wow so she doesn't want to do friend stuff if you don't have enough money? Not much of a friend is she. Stuck up bitch

The only way I could see her not being mean about this is if she had to travel a very long way?
Could you not invite her to your house for the afternoon? Xx

I’m not sure this is as some posters think, thay she’s the issue. Why do you make plans and cancel, if you know you’ve money issues? And your phrasing or sometimes jisy suggest a drink, which indicates she’s asking you to go to do something and you say no a lot of the time I can’t afford it.

it does read like she does do stuff you wish like meet for a coffee or a drink, but is getting to the point she’d like a friend she can go and do more with, which I think is fair enough.