Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

She is not a friend. At least you now know she falls in to acquaintance category instead.

This
I think YABABU @Whatever555
Who wants to go for a walk on a Saturday evening vs a meal out etc

If you cant afford it then dont go

As others said it depends when you cancel

so If arrange to go to cinema. Then cancel day before. Thats bad

if you say at time I can’t afford that then fair enough

and cheaper night of all. At yours so no taxis and a bottle of wine /cuppa etc

Just tell her you´ll archive her number for contact when you win Euromillions, then just ignore forever and ever. There are some "friends" we can do without.

Sticking to a budget is a responsible thing to do rather than being guilted into squandering it on over priced coffees and snacks that you don.t need. These things are great to do if you have the disposable income.

These are like the kinds of friends who encourage you to drink even when you tell them you are off alcohol because you are "not fun" in their terms.

I think the only possible unreasonable thing is if you are making plans and then cancelling. That’s quite annoying.

But if she can only be fun with a 3 course meal and multiple cocktails maybe she’s not much fun. I am an immigrant and when I was visiting home once my bestie and I rented a hotel room and just sat in it with crisps and diet cokes and giggled a lot. Kept talking about going out but it was fun just being together.

To me that's not an insult unless the other person is extremely wealthy without having had to work hard. In that circumstance it would sound like a dig.

But I'd be the first to say, I'm potless so maybe we can meet when I get paid? It's quite normal among fairly poor people to have to do that.

Does she have to arrange and pay for childcare to go out?

It sounds as if she wants someone to do things with.

But whatever is going on, it sounds insensitive and must feel pretty raw.

You are doing the right thing to not be pressured into spending beyond your budget - well done.

Absolutely this!

I have a friend that does not earn well. I love her and really want to hang out with her. We go places and I’ll pay for us both but it can be awkward. We also just go for coffee or a walk or even just hang out in the house/garden. I just like her company. Your friend sounds weird.

What adults are going bowling anyway?

I have a friend in your position, we go for dog walks or similar. But I also treat her to a proper night out every once in a while, I’ve been in that position and I know how constrained it feels.

I used to meet my friends in cafes except one as she couldn’t really afford it. So I’d invite her round my house for filter coffee, biscuits and a catch up! I think it’s not the activity that’s important, it’s the conversation. I think just leave that particular friend for now as she’s not being understanding of your financial situation. I get it as I relied on my husband’s salary for 10 years as a sahm. Money was tight and if I went for a coffee it would be 2 filter coffees and nothing else. I’m earning now and can afford things but I’d still be happy with going for a walk or coffee to catch up. Sorry she’s made you feel bad.

If that was one of my friends I'd happily fit in with them budget-wise. I love a three-course meal and cocktails myself, but clearly that's not affordable for everyone all the time. So if someone can't do that, no problem - I'm completely happy to go for a walk with them or just have them round for a bottle of wine in the garden or a picnic in the park or whatever. It's not like I can't do a three course meal and cocktails some other time with a different friend, or with my partner or whatever. One friend being unable to do that doesn't mean I'm being deprived of the experience!

I'm also happy to treat a friend to dinner if I can afford it and they're struggling that month.

I'm guessing this woman doesn't have many friends and doesn't want her few opportunities to go and do something 'bigger' being derailed. It's a her problem, not a you problem, OP.

I once had an old work colleague / mate who was going through a tough time financially and it was my birthday. I offered to take a load of nibbly bits round and have a picnic in her courtyard, which was really very enjoyable. As I left she gave me my present, it was a cast off piece of clothing with a hole in it and a red wine stain on it. I wasn't expecting a present at all. I certainly wasn't expecting that. I saw the friendship through her eyes and realised it wasn't worth anything. Maybe that's what you need to do, OP. It's not your friendship this old work colleague wants, it's your presence so she can have a night out.

See I have no issue with adapting activities to suit budget. But what I found when I was spending time with someone on a budget, is that they banged on and on about what a waste of money x,y,z was. That's what got on my nerves.

Like I offered to treat us to coffee and cake during a day out. They accepted then went on and on about the cake being £3.50 so they chose a £7 salad instead! So cost me twice as much! Then the whole time I'm eating my cake, they're going on oh I can't believe £3.50 for cake.

Another time I was making us a meal, in the supermarket together, I picked up something nice for desert (I was paying). They're trying to get me to buy the budget version which didnt look as nice. It got on my nerves. Don't tell me what to spend my money on.

I think the part where you are unreasonable OP is to agree to stuff then cancel. That's not fair.

I wouldn't be happy going to a cheap run down place. But I'd quite happily meet at home. Why not take turns doing that. But dont make plans then cancel. That's just too annoying.

Not a friend. What a bitch.

Like others have pointed out, you cancelling or changing plans is likely the issue here.
i have a friend who frequently does this or asks to bring her kids and to me, who is short on time anyway and looking forward to a movie and dinner, this is really annoying.
Many of us are time poor and substituting a nice evening of dinner for a coffee and walk is disappointing if you’ve been looking forward to it- not to do with your company, but more to do with how people like to spend their down time.

I meet up with my friends either at my house or theirs. I rarely meet them to do things. Coffee and a good natter, and a biscuit if we’re pushing the boat out. Could be my age though. It’s a bit like that poster who only enjoys her friends company with wine. I see my friends because I enjoy their company, anything else added is nice but not important.

An Odeon cinema ticket is £12/14

😮
That is expensive. All cinema tickets round here are less than £10 (two independents and a Vue)

Yes, exactly - when you are with friends, it doesn't matter what you do. Having a coffee is perfectly normal and acceptable. But maybe that's it: she's not your friend. You are just someone she needs to tag along with her to the activities SHE wants to do. Probably because she won't do them by herself, but that's really a her-problem. I would back off from this "friendship".

This is exactly what I think.

or OP waiting for the friend to suggest something and then op shoots it down.

I also find the title manipulative because nowhere does op mention that she’s told her friend her financial situation, let alone the friend saying let’s meet up when you have money?

Not due to money but eating out is hard for me cos of digestive issues so I meet friends for walk, coffee, cinema, art gallery (free!), they come to me, etc.

Im in my 50s though & people are happy for low key times.

Everyone should be able to accommodate their friends, but I hate it when people cancel.

Exactly - i wrote similar
Not loving the "B*h" comments either from some people

That’s not nice at all especially as you’ve explained you are on a budget. I’ve lost friends in very similar ways over the years. I was on a low income plus a lone parent and people were just not interested in what I could do, for example a picnic in a park with kids. I was used as their childminder many times as in i have their kids overnight whilst they go out with others. It’s not nice, I have now distanced myself from that and sadly no longer have friends.