Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

This.

Meeting up at each others houses for a meal and a few drinks is a great idea. Doesn’t have to cost the earth either.

If you were my friend, I would pay. I would rather we had a nice time together than not at all.

And I say that as a person not known for my social skills!

When I was employed on a professional salary I had an old friend who became a mature student so she obviously had little money. I used to suggest we go for a drink or a Chinese "on me" or invite her around to a meal. It was her company I wanted and not her purse.

The person is not your friend for making you feel "less than" because you cant match her lifestyle. You need better friends.

True friendship shouldn't cost money, sounds like she perhaps just wants company for doing the things she likes to do. I'd meet my friends in a park /woods / my house, wherever, without spending money.if that was the issue, I'd want to be spending time with them.

Nothing to be embarrassed about if you’re sticking to a budget and you just need to be up front and clear about that. I’ve had friends doing exactly that at various times as have I (in fact I am now). We meet up for coffees or a walk or take a sandwich and go to the park or go round each others houses for a drink or dinner. No big deal at all. If someone suggests something I might like to do but just can’t afford, I’ll just say can’t do at that moment but you guys go ahead. Sure it might be nice to go to the cinema etc but there’s nothing like a good natter with a friend.

I have loads of mates who love Spoons like I do.

In response to your OP, she's the one with the issue. A genuine friend will accept you for you not your £ abilities !

Sorry x

I would invite you round for a bottle of wine in the garden and a good chat. How rude of her

Not a friend. Get rid.

How horrible!!

To not bother seeing you until you can do something she wants to do, instead of just seeing you for you, and to be so incredibly unsubtle about the financial thing.

I have three friends who I meet up with for lunch once or twice a month. Three of us are comfortable financially but one friend struggles. We meet in spoons. I know that the three of us would rather go somewhere else but spoons is affordable for her, and on her bus route. So spoons it is because we love her.

We never mention it. We never point out we are only in spoons because of her, we never mention we'd rather go somewhere else because it would make her feel shitty and we are not shit friends. And actually, it doesn't matter because we are together.

I am sorry your "friend" is so shitty.

Wow, that's shocking.
I feel that a true friend would just be happy to spend time with you over a coffee or just going for a walk.

That's a real shame, when my friend knew I was struggling for money she would suggest going for a walk, or meeting with our packed lunch somewhere nice on a park bench for some lunch. It was the catching up which was the important thing, not the activity.
In your shoes, I would feel like she valued the activity we were doing together more than the friendship.

She's not your friend, she just wants someone to accompany her to activities she wants to do. If someone said that to me I wouldn't be bothering to contact them again.

I'm in my 60s and one thing I've learn in life is true friends are few and rare - they there for you in the times you need them most.

Many people will come and go in your life, people you think of as "friends" but are nothing more than casual acquaitances for fun and good times. When the fun dissapears because of financial, health or othe problems, they dissapear or tells you to call her again when you have the money to provide the fun she expects from the friendship.

She offers no value to you. Let her go.

“I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend?”

Your answer is right there in your post @Whatever555. She’s not your friend.

My friend is absolutely skint. We find a million ways to spend time with one another that doesn’t include spending a load of money. Because we like each other.

All I can think of is that she’s annoyed at you cancelling or annoyed at you agreeing to do something then changing it to coffee at the last minute. Also if she has limited time off work and you’ve agreed to do an activity she’s been looking forward to that might be her Saturday plan for the day or evening then at the last minute it geta changed to a 1 hour coffee maybe that’s what’s pissing her off

My ideal meet up is a coffee and a walk!

A true friend will come and meet you in the park and bring a flask to share if you are struggling.
its ok to drop friends and totally ok to have a small social circle of people who aren’t fair weather friends or friends that just use you for something to do.
i used to have a huge social circle in my 20s and everything evolved around crazy expensive nights out. Once that goes away and people start saving, have kids, have issues with health etc, you really see who your core people are that would want to spend time with you even if you had not a penny to spend.

It reads to me that she's fed up with you regularly cancelling. Not that she only wants to meet you when you have money.

It’s not your fault. She’s clearly more interested in having any company rather than specifically your company

Agree with this!

I used to have the opposite with a friend who didn't have money but kept suggesting we meet with kids at soft play/restaurants and then say "Oh we'll just eat later/share a garlic bread" because she knew I'd say "don't worry, my treat". So I was the one who suggested we start meeting up at the park - and suddenly she was busy.

True friends value time with you, not the activities you do together

I mean, i can see her frustration. She wants to actually do things when together, an experience, not just sit in the same noisy, busy coffee shop nursing one drink while you chat.
They're not great places at the best of times, to do the same thing every meet up is boring, especially when there's nothing to do but talk. Maybe like myself she finds it awkward if there's any silences and feels put a bit on the spot to keep constant conversation going. Something like Cinema, meal etc has comfortable silences and other focuses that can make socialising easier/more comfortable.

I really feel for you, it's not your fault and its a hard situation when one friend struggles financially and one has lots of disposable income. In her position i'd be more graceful and probably offer to pay sometimes as "my treat" to do things other than coffee shop meet ups.

The way she's gone about it is insensitive and clumsy.

She is rude AF and I wouldn't bother being friends with someone like that!

I'm 61. I've been friends with someone I met at teacher training college for 40 years. We have both had times of being very, very short of spending money. Neither of us would dream of saying that we're not meeting unless we can both do multiple things. We've spent many years, when our children were small and I was a single parent, window shopping and having a 'made at home' sandwich on a bench in the park. If your friend only wants to see you if you can spend multiple pounds on an outing then she probably isn't the best friend you could have.

Does she sub you when you do go out?