Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

OP obviously can't do the stuff friend wants to do because she's obviously having cash flow issues. If I was the friend I'd offer to pay for her myself if I wanted us to go somewhere pricier than OP can afford. I wouldn't drop my friend for not being able to afford it

I'd never meet a friend for a catch up at the cinema?! You can't talk lol

It sounds to me like maybe your constraint is more money but her constraint is more time. If her time is her valuable resource and you agree to things then pull out later due to financial constraints I can absolutely see why that would be frustrating for her though I feel
like she expressed her frustration really badly if that is the case.

If you still even want to see her just be super clear what you are available to do and if she declines hang out with a different friend. Plenty of people would be very happy with a walk in the park and a coffee or a glass of wine and a chat at home.

Have you been clear that it's a matter of your finances? I realize it can be embarrassing to talk about money, but if you've not made it clear, she may think that you're just moody, or temporarily pressed for time.

If you have made it clear and this is her reaction, then she's not much of a friend.

What a dick. I would cut her off because she’s clearly not a real friend. All I do is meet people for coffee because I can’t afford anything else. None of my friends bat an eyelid. I wouldn’t bother with her anymore.

But again that’s not what the op said. She said she often cancels due to money or suggests just a drink, it’s clear the friend has done her time with jisy doing what rhe op wants and now wants to go do something else. It would be different if the op said I always do what she wants, now she won’t do what I want, which is what you’ve responded, as others have, like the op wrote. She didn’t. This is more this woman always does what the op wants, is frequently let down, and has called a halt this time.

Is she part of a group of friends? With this weather, possible to meet for a picnic? Budget friendly, fun and chilled.

But yes, I would've thought the meeting up part was the more important bit.

It’s a bit boring just meeting for coffee if you’re used to doing something more engaging with people, though.

She’s not a friend, she just wants company for her activities.

Tbf it sounds like the friend has had enough of the OP cancelling plans, and has let the OP know in clear terms what she is open too. Time is precious, and she is not prepared to make plans, only for them not to happen, time, and again. I think that is fair enough. The OP should be clear from the off, about what she can entertain.

If you were my friend I'd probably treat you occasionally to a meal rather than not meet up at all. Over the years mine and my friends' incomes have fluctuated, we've treated each other and made plans to suit everyone, your 'friend' doesn't sound great tbh (unless, perhaps, you are spending huge amounts on other things but won't put your hand in your pocket for her specifically?)

Not much of a friend if she filters people on a financial basis

YANBU. I've never understood people who always have to centre catchups with friends around a meal or activity. For me the purpose of seeing friends is to chat and catch up with them, it's actually harder to do that if you've got bowling or the cinema or theatre factored in and I sometimes get frustrated with meetups based around activities for that reason. And it's pretty unpleasant putting off seeing a friend until they have money to 'do' things, I'd never do this to a friend.

Is she not very good at keeping a conversation going, OP? I had a friend like this (note past tense), every meetup had to involve some kind of activity, and I always thought it was partly because she didn't have much conversation (or, ironically, many interests despite the flurry of activity that had to be baked into every meetup). She was also the sort of person who'd say 'let's wait until you've got more money', although funnily enough she was quite happy to bum cash off other people so she could do these activity-based meetups, and then not pay them back. It's an odd view of friendship imo, and I don't miss her or her palaver at all.

This.

Your friend is shallow.

Find new friends, you deserve people that are happy to spend time with you rather than it be about the drinks or activities you do together

I value people more than entertainment. Your friend has told you who she is - listen to her and get rid to make space for someone who truly values you not your lifestyle.

It’s because you changed the plans. Had you suggested a drink first, she’d probably have been fine with this. Flakiness irritates most people. There’s obviously nothing wrong with going for a coffee and chat. The cinema is cheap near us, about £6 a ticket and you obviously take your own snacks and drinks unless you’re a millionaire.

It depends how this is playing out. Do you agree to go out and then check all the prices, comment on it and then have one drink? Do you ever arrange an outing? If you don’t, but you go along to somewhere you know you can’t afford and then make everyone feel uncomfortable then your friend might have a point. I have a friend who sometimes has money sometimes doesn’t but we obviously never know when. If she accepts an invitation we assume she can afford it, but we’ve had a fair few times when she has then made loud comments about the price, refused to eat and refused to let any of us pay for her. She also never ever suggests an outing. She’s a very dear friend in all other respects. Also we are a very laid back group and going for a walk and a coffee is very much a thing so it’s not like we’re only go out to eat and drink at swanky places

Whenever a friend has suggested a coffee I've always assumed it was a time constraint rather than a financial one. Either way it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not exactly rolling in it so I'm always open to this anyway (and as long as I'm dry and warm I'm happy).

'Most' people? Some people are actually a bit more flexible than this and don't mind changing the plan occasionally.

You can rename this thread to "An ex friend.."

No true friend would ever say that. Friends are people who sit in the gutter with you when you're down there.

Nothing wrong with a coffee but it sounds like you are cancelling on her at short notice or changing plans. It’s sounds like she is saying well let’s leave it till your more sure. If you want to see her think of some other free or cheaper activities that are within your budget. It might be she is looking to do something more than a coffee right now

This is really sad. I think you should say that you’re disappointed that your company isn’t enough and that you enjoyed the coffees and chats.

Being flexible is fine sometimes but having someone plan something and then cancel or ask to change it regularly is annoying. She is probably trying to protect herself from disappointment.

Doesn't sound like good friends to me. I'd sit in a weatherspoons, or a parc, or my kitchen to see my friends. If they can't afford going out, I'll meet them where they are and do what's possible. I often go round with fruit and snacks at my friends houses and we just chat there. It's bliss. I just want their company, really.

Not every friend has to instantly be one that you’re content to drink tap water with. She’s looking for someone to do stuff with and to share experiences with which is fine. Maybe the friendship would develop into one where you can do nothing and just value each others company but it needs time to get there.

she’s probably had enough of you being flakey and cancelling or changing plans when she’s been looking forward to doing things.