AIBU to think guests should strip the bed before leaving?

[SomehowItsMay]

I need clarity after the social conventions thread as everything I thought I knew is apparently wrong.... So.

Guests should always strip the bed when staying over at someone's house.

AIBU?

YABU - it's annoying, please leave the bedding on, the host will do it when they want to

YANBU - yes, it's rude to expect the host to do it and polite for the guest to do it

I’ve got a friend who always offers to bring her own bedding when she stays…I assume she doesn’t like mine…or possibly it’s ingrained from her slightly weird upbringing. I think it’s maybe the latter as one time it would have made things really awkward for her with transport, no car at the time and she was tying herself in knots about bringing her duvet. And I said I was happy to make the bed up with our stuff and she said ‘only if it’s not a bother, that would really help’.

I don’t think she’d realised that was normal when hosting….

If a guests stripped the bed without asking, I'd assumed they'd soiled the bed with some sort of body fluid/movement 😬

Disagree entirely. I think this is a completely normal thing to ask if you are staying with friends or family in Ireland.

Also normal and fine not to ask, but I don't think most people would think you were odd for doing so.

I often do, or I would ask whether they wanted
me to. I also strip beds when leaving holiday accommodation. Less so hotels but have done in the past.

I always did, but someone pointed out to me that if they had a stained mattress or pillows (perfectly normal) the host might be embarrassed so now I’m a bit more hesitant and tend to ask. I always will when staying at family unless I know they prefer me not to.
Ironically I tell people not to strip ours if they ask because the dog goes on it so I prefer to change bedding immediately before someone stays over so I can put clean stuff on and shut the door to keep the dog off the bed.
I’m not offended if people don’t offer though
I always raise a private eyebrow if the bed isn’t at least made nicely.

I’ve never seen it ever . In all my years and with people from all walks of life staying over no one has ever offered . Thankfully cos I think it’s just plain weird . So formal and over polite and pandering and unnecessary

If I was staying with my sister, I'd have no issue with saying to her "do you want me to take these sheets off or will I leave them?" Not even vaguely formal or over-polite to me, I would have thought the opposite really, more something you would ask someone you know well. I wouldn't offer in my MIL's house because it's possible she might somehow take offence.

Funny though in this thread it seems no one wants people to do it cos it actually can create more work , yet everyone is saying it’s polite to ask , which seems silly to me . Just asking people for the sake of it when in reality it’s not actually even really helpful to the host . To me that’s what formality is

My mum would prefer help changing sheets and stripping beds. As she is 78 and it’s a bit of a heavy task.
Also no cats or dogs.

axlot of people here seem to indicate that they wouldn’t actually swap sheets anyway for a 1 night guest. Which maybe fine if say it’s me theb my sister both alone. But not if it’s say teenage nephew then me.

Why what do you be at in the bed in other peoples houses . A duvet cover would certainly not be so “gross “ after one night of me staying in someone’s house that they would be incapable of throwing it in the wash . May as well steam clean the couches you were sitting on as well as disinfecting the bathroom with bleach if it’s that bad

I was initially shocked to find that people would find it weird if their guest asked, let alone actually stripped the bed as this is a very normal thing to do in my family and something I was taught to do as a child. However, I suspect it is to do with space and spare rooms. If you have a dedicated guest room then I can see you might not want to strip the bed immediately, but in my family, visits often involve swapping people around from their normal rooms/beds and some people sleeping on sofa beds/ camp beds. In this case beds would need to be stripped and changed straight away so the hosts can return to their own beds and it would therefore be rude to not at least ask if they want the bed stripped and with certain family members I just do it.

it so is not you would be looked at as if you have two heads and we be thinking what sort of eigit are you ??

Grim.

I suspect PIL do this as well but I don't want to ask!

That's grim. It's a system I would use for myself, but not for guests

I sleep with the duvet tucked up, under my face, so the top sheet wouldn't be protecting it. My DH sleeps with the duvet under his armpit, again, top sheet wouldn't protect it.

I always strip the bed no matter where I'm staying (hotel, hostel, family, friend), though any of those is rare anyway (and I sleep in a hammock at home, so it's not like it's habit). And I put the towels in a separate pile next to the bedlinen.

My family used to run a bed and breakfast when I was a child, so it wouldn't even occur to me not to do it.

If I stay at my aunts I offer but am told no

at friends I dont

and I don’t expect my visitors to do it

I was also taught that this was the polite thing to do. I can see, however, why to many these days it makes no sense.

I just make the bed and open the windows to air the room out.

I would think it was really weird if someone did strip the bed sheets!

I suppose I know my sister/mother would say "yeah take them off there I'll throw them in the machine now" if that suited her, and if it didn't, she'd say "no, leave them, I'll do them another time". No formality or asking for the sake of it.

So you don’t ask in other peoples houses apart from your mother and sister then ?

It's fine to ask (I would always say no) but you shouldn't just do it!

As I said in a previous post, it depends on whom I was staying with. Close friends I would possibly ask (depending on the friends), and I have aunts and uncles where I would ask too, but I wouldn't ask my MIL (as I said already). I just don't think it's a blanket "people would look at you like you had two heads" situation. And as I also already said, I think it's perfectly normal not to ask too. I have had people ask me and I definitely didn't think they were weird or pass any remark on it at all.

Sorry it’s days since I’ve read your previous posts and I’m kind of sick of this boring conversation. Never once have I heard anyone ask this outside of an air BnB and I stand by my point , it’s a formality and silly in my opinion