AIBU to think guests should strip the bed before leaving?

[SomehowItsMay]

I need clarity after the social conventions thread as everything I thought I knew is apparently wrong.... So.

Guests should always strip the bed when staying over at someone's house.

AIBU?

YABU - it's annoying, please leave the bedding on, the host will do it when they want to

YANBU - yes, it's rude to expect the host to do it and polite for the guest to do it

This.
I had never heard of anyone doing it or expecting anyone else to do it until I read about it on Mumsnet and I'm in my sixties.

In my house I might wait a few days to wash them depending on what I'm doing and the weather.

That whole social conventions thread is full of nonsense, particularly archaic etiquette rules that are completely impractical and were only ever used as an excuse to look down on the oiks.

I always ask, if they dont want me to fine.

God no, I would always do that for them. They're guests; they're not here to do housework. See also: holiday home owners that expect paying guests to take the bins out and strip the beds.

No, it's because of my Mum 🙈

Pretty sure that if she was young today she'd be diagnosed as absolutely raging with ADHD and ASD. It means there are a lot of things that she (forcefully) instilled in us as the absolute right thing to do that I took as absolute gospel (but actually, they are really quite odd).

As a host I would do that, I wouldn´t expect it from a guest. As a guest I make my bed and up to the host to do what they will with it.

when I stayed at my in laws last time I knew my brother and law and his girlfriend stayed the previous night I had this in mind when I went to bed. I could tell that it hadn’t been changed since the previous night so I asked MIL, ‘oh does the bedding need changing as I know D and J were here last night’. She said ‘no it’s fine, I did it the other day’. I don’t get along with my BIL to sleep in the same bedding as he had done. Anyway, I generally do strip the bed, stick it in the wash and offer to put new bedding on. I always open windows as well to freshen the room. Looking at the rest of the thread I know this is strange behaviour but I generally only stay at other people’s houses if they are family and they are happy for me to clean. Also older family members may have some mobility issues/get tired more (I’m not talking about elderly). I also offer people coming to stay at mine to stick anything in the washing machine if needed and I don’t care what they do with their bedding, it honestly doesn’t bother me.

I always ask, but I prefer our guests to leave them because I don’t want them to see that the pillows in the spare room are a bit manky.

No. My guests have literally just left. I didnt want them to strip the beds ( three kind sized) as I will do it in my own time. It would stress me to have all the at bedding to wash 😁
I never ask guests to strip the beds before they leave.

No, it's quite rude. I might ask a close friend if she'd like me to do it, but the answer would always be "no". And, similarly, I would always say "no" if someone asked me the same.
A guest is a guest.... why do they have to be a chambermaid? I want them to be relaxed and looked after in my house. For the same reason, I don't want them to wash up, or clean.
Also, what if the host has a slightly dodgy nattress they don't want the guest to see? 😂Or they don't want piles of dirty laundry sitting around when they don't have time to wash it?
A good guest:

1. Turns up at the time agreed, and not sooner.
2. Brings wine/flowers etc as a gift for the hosts and/or offers to pay for a meal, or drinks in the pub.
3. Leaves when they say they will.
4. Sends a thank you card or letter promptly afterwards.

I know exactly what you mean with if they ask, you feel obliged to say no even if you mean yes. But a nice clear poll says no. I hate it when my parents strip the bed. They have been known to bring their own whole bedding set and take it home to wash after, which felt a bit officious but was genuinely helpful when we had a young baby.

Why can't people speak anymore and how do they cope with work, kids and normal life? Or if you really can't ask, text them even if you're at the breakfast table 😄

It a guest (who would be my mum or sister) stripped the bed and put it in the wash I’d just assume that it was dirty and they are avoiding me seeing something (period blood maybe?)

i do strip it at my parents after checking with my mum who is next there -if it’s me then leave it, if my sister then change.

my sister and i probably Hsppy to use same sheets but if either had partner there too we’d change between the next stay.
i have a sofa bed so it’s always going to be stripped and put back as a sofa as soon as a person leaves.

I think we need more examples of your mum's mad ideas!

No I would prefer guests did not strip the bed. I know some holiday rentals expect it and that's another thread, but I may not want the washing that day.
Also the cat might end up on the uncovered duvet, he's not allowed upstairs but occasionally pushes his luck.

Just ask, yes? And if you're the host and want it done, just ask them?

My mum was once very embarrassed as a guest stripped the bed completely before leaving, revealing a rather stained mattress. My MIL never wants the bed stripping as she likes to leave it there till she gets a good drying day.

Then practise saying “ Oh thanks, that’s really helpful. Just leave everything in a pile on the floor.”

I think this is a “different families” thing. My in laws always strip beds after staying, my husband grew up thinking you always do so. My parents never did, so nor did I. We now do the half way thing of asking when we stay and aren’t sure (but always do at husband’s family)

If anyone asked me I would say no thanks as we have three Houdini level cats who find their way into bedrooms so I prefer to wash just before we expect guests so they are perfectly clean. But my in laws never ask, just do it, so I sometimes end up washing it twice after they stay if the cats then get in to the spare room!

I think they should make the bed but not strip it.

I thought it was the norm as well, OP

Family and friends staying with me always strip the bed and leave it in a pile beside the bed, I do the same when I stay in their place.

Same with towels, they are always left on the pile of dirty linen.

As others have said - you always ask the host. I like mine left on as I have cats, and they will sleep on beds. I then change bedding just before new guests arrive so they have something fresh. Or if I know the guests will be back shortly, and no one stays over inbetween, I keep the same bedding on.

I have never done this.

I ask the host. Then do as asked. But for me I would rather they were left on. So I can wash and change at my leisure. But I have very few guests .

I absolutely do at MILs and if I can, get it in the machine with a dose of bleach.
The bedding has always been threadbare and yellowed but as she's aged it's proper grim.
Like a previous poster, you get told she's just changed it but also if it's 'family' it's fine.
DH sweats like a pig,I'm pretty certain noone wants to get close to that even if family, let alone in-law.
I mostly try to take my own sheets, pillows and towels. The most recent visit we were pushed for space and the pillows we were offered have certainly lived many lives. Surely after a full of nose bleed it's time to move on.

I think it depends on how good a friend the guest is. For good friends, who I maybe stay with semi regularly, I always ask if they want me to strip the bed.

For guests who I might not see again or who aren't too close, I might not ask.

That said, I generally just ask. I HATE when guests strip the bed without asking first. It's not helpful.

For me stripping the bed is extra work. I appreciate just getting the pile of linen into the laundry instead of going the extra mile of having to strip it myself.

I also like to air the room and freshen the matress (Glen 20 spray), and if the bed has been stripped I simply open the window before I make a fresh bed.